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Steve the boa constrictor *and friends*

So, I've been having a few issues with Nellie's little sister recently - she's not as big as Nellie but she's sure trying to be!

Quite often though, Nellie junior takes a break (probably off to have more cake) and is replaced by Steve.

Steve is a boa constrictor and he likes to sqqquuueeeezzeee all the way round and push my ribs together at the back. He's very friendly, a little too friendly as he hasn't learned I don't really like being hugged so enthusiastically! He seems pretty hard to dislodge as well and will hang out with me as I go round my daily business, then get really friendly in the evening.

Does anyone else know Steve well? How can we persuade him to become a bit less tactile in his affections and realise his own strength?

wow I am coming out with some weird stuff at the moment...sorry. Wondering if Atrovent goes to the brain...

EDIT: As Steve appears to have a large and extensive collection of friends and family, it's been suggested I should update this post with their names and descriptions so that they can be more easily identified, captured and returned to the zoo where they belong.


Steve's family:

James - big brother. Even bigger and even squeezier than Steve. If you get James, you should be calling the professional snake-charmers.

Susie - little sister. Smaller and less friendly than the boys - she has other things to do - but won't let you forget about her.


Has copious relatives, all of whom eat a lot.


Edna the Echidna - winged creature with two serpents' tails. She can sit on your chest and wrap her tails round your neck.

Gurney (Gertrude) the guinea pig - squeaks a lot when breathing.

Dozy the Dormouse - curls up in your brain and makes you very, very sleepy at unfortunate times.

NEW - Kasper the Koala! I'd forgotten about this little guy - he sits on you piggyback and squeezes ribs and lungs together at the back.

Let me know if I've forgotten anyone...

54 Replies

Alas I too am familiar with Steve, he does do.the rounds I'm afraid :-(

He mainly visits me in the morning, then slooowwwwlllllyyyyyyy loosens his grip throughout the day :-)

Very apt description philomela!!! X


Wretched snake! I think we need to get some therapy for him to discuss his clinginess. Obviously he starts off with you then transfers to me ;)


Aha! Mystery solved.

I wondered who was giving me an over-strong cuddle. The invisible man? Now we know. I do get him far more than Nellie. Sometimes its just a wee poke in the ribs but come high barometer and icy cold temperature, then Steve is in his element.


Ah, that's my phantom over night visitor who leaves me to wake up with tight ribs


How does this snake get around so much? He's been stalking me for the last few days but finds time to visit you guys as well. I can only assume he either has a large family or contracts out the work because he's so busy.

Go away, Steve. I'm sure you're lovely really but I could do with a break now.


So, that's who has been visiting me at night and keeping me awake.


Oh I know Steve very well. I am an animal lover but I really have gone off snakes if that is what it is causing all the problems!!!!!

Will you %100 about strange stuff and inhalers. I keep getting asked what planet I am on and the answer is ""sorry not too sure but wherever it is it shakes!"" And do they make insomnia worse because I would kill for a full nights sleep?!


Steve needs therapy

So Steve followed me all the way to Southern Italy. REALLY friendly there (I think it's the caves, or the climate, or something...there were some fellow 'lungers' there who had problems and even the non-asthmatics were coughing!)

I hoped I could persuade him to stay there but he kept close all the way back home and he's still here and friendly as ever! Any suggestions for getting rid of this snake?! Snake-charming maybe though not sure I'd have the breath to play those flute things lol.


Steve seems to have taken a serious liking to you philomela!

Maybe he could be persuaded to leave you alone if you have a bit of a rest? He might get bored and slope off......

Seriously though, hope the tightness goes soon, its not nice.



Thanks! There's an idea Angelica...pity I have managed to book myself an insanely long day in London tomorrow! oops...he's obviously going to decide that he wants a trip to London!

I am really getting sick of this pesky snake. Seeing my cons next week, I hope he has some snake-charming ideas. I'm not great at expressing myself in appts esp if it comes down to saying things like 'help, I'm being pestered by this snake and I feel rubbish'.

I won't be saying it like that...but not sure I'll manage to say it at all! I'm just too British sometimes so when someone asks me how I am I have this urge to say 'fine' even when a) I'm not and b) it wasn't a social enquiry.


I can only apologise.


PS: Hiss.....


lol Peaksteve, shame on you for stalking AUK members - and you a moderator as well! ;)


Hehe Philomena & Steve, brilliant :)

Personally I wanted a pet snake when younger but not so sure now. It is such an apt description I have to say.

Random factoid of the day, I think a snake charmer's flute like instrument is made of a gourd (squash type veg) and bamboo.


Philomena i did the opposite of 'being british' last thursday LOL On thursday afternoon my hayfever very suddenly kicked off majorly - very runny nose and streaming eye (just my right eye - the one i can see properly out of so cue me felling quite blind). As i was leaving that school one of the teachers was walking past and asked me how my afternoon had been in their school i replied ""snotty and watery!"" hahaha So he then joked ""and that was just the kids?


Nellie and Steve visited me at the weekend and unfortunately for have decided to stay for the week.

Does anyone think a zoo would be willing to take these pesty visitors!!


That snake needs therapy (bonus if you can name the song I've misquoted from)

Asthmagirl, what a great idea! Any luck with that? I'll start ringing round tomorrow...tonight I can't because I've just been to the dentist and the right side of my face is numb and I can't talk properly. They'd just think I was drunkenly prank-calling...which they won't AT ALL if I ring them and say I have an overly friendly snake and elephant and would they like them.

Steve is still here, friendly as ever. Oh Steve, I think it's time for you to leave the nest and get some new friends.

My own fault for trying to run for a train. Lungs feel a little...burned.


That Snake and Elephant are with me again.

Steve and Nellie please leave my lungs alone, go and find a new home


The zoos aren't doing their job! It's been suggested that we leave them all in a room to fight it out...

Asthmagirl, I hope they leave you alone. Lot of people seem to be struggling tonight..


Steve is a magic snake?

What I want to know is, how does Steve manage to be in so many places at once? I swear he's not left my chest for weeks, but there he is bugging other people. Has he cloned himself?

Wow I am getting weird and random (*waits for someone to make the inevitable comment*. Even my mum said today she wouldn't want to be in my head as she thought it was a very strange place...thanks!) I blame Steve for disrupting my sleep.

EDIT: Oops, I just realised 'magic snake' sounds like a euphemism lol.



Steve does seem to have the ability to be plaguing more than one person at the same time! he is not a well behaved snake at all. however Nellie and her offspring are also naughty and seemingly able to be present with many sufferers at the same time! i would like this ability too please as this would mean that the ""well"" me could have been at work, whilst the tired exhausted asthmatic me could be resting! back to work on Monday part time after 5 weeks off with this exacebation. glad i so far havent ended up in Costa. however to add to the creatures, i seem to have acquired (probably from Hades) Echinda the winged monster, she has attached herself firmly to my right shoulder and rib cage, with her snake tails round either my throat or my right arm! (thanks Philo for the name - i'm not good with Greek Mythology!).

i hereby command in the name of any deity we chose for these creatures to leave poste haste.

take care xx ><>


I have a very naughty nellie, been with me all weekend, she hides, then out of the blue, when I'm not looking, leaps onto my chest, gets herself comfy and falls asleep! I am willing to swap her for Steve for a bit, for a bit of variety if nothing else! Let me know if you fancy a swap xxx LOL


BooBoo, I'll give you Steve if you DON'T give me Nellie lol.

And spiritedstream, I don't want Echidna either - she seems almost the worst of the lot as she's so versatile - definitely straight from Hades! She may be a bit hard to get rid of as I suspect the zoo will say they don't take imaginary creatures. All I can say is they can try living with them and see if they're still 'imaginary'!!

We need a plan to get rid of these creatures and their offspring. Maybe I need to take up snake-charming...but I don't think I have the breath for it. Catch-22...


philomena i thought you were an oboe player?? When i did my demo day on friday, out of all the instruments i played the oboe was the one that sounded like a snake charmer's instrument (which i can't remember the name of, if it even has a specific name :-/)

Tell you what when i'm having a good day i'll come and play the oboe very badly to charm steve the snake and try to gt him away from all of us!!!


I am yes but I haven't played for a while! Maybe that will help - Steve will flee at the hideous sound of an out of practice oboist lol.

Are you a flautist? Always thought the instrument was more like a flute though played like an oboe/recorder.


Sorry Philomela, its swaps it nothing! Lol


Dammit! Worth a try...

It's been pointed out to me that Echidna may be a bit of a tongue-twister/not obvious how to pronounce. So let's call her Edna - Edna the Echidna!

(If you didn't know and were curious - 'Ek-id-na').


oops spelt my mythological beast, winged monster wrong! my fault sorry, and yes i couldnt get my tongue round her name either, thank you Philomela - i am happy to call her Edna, although Edna is a name that is rather tooo nice for her! she has losened her grip today so hopefully she is wondering where to fly off to next. x how is Steve? and Nellie, and Dozy? these wildlife need lessons on proper behavour when in the presence of Humans. x

take care xx ><>


Dozy the Dormouse seems to have left me for the time being. I thought he was on his way to Philomena's house where she could feed him to Steve then, while Steve was sleeping off his meal, he could be bundled into a big box and sent to the Zoo. Doesn't look like he's got there yet, though.


Now there's an idea! I think Dozy has got lost (here's hoping...( I'm glad Edna and Dozy aren't pestering you both right now - sadly Steve is as friendly as ever, and he gets even more friendly in the evening!

My consultant is going to think I'm round the bend. I need to think of a way to explain things on Wed without invoking too much wildlife.


my asthma nurse describes Steve as a large elastic band. i think that any resp consultant worth his salt will know about sufferers descriptions of Nellie. Good luck with your consultant appointment and i hope he can come up with someway of ridding you of Steve.

maybe someone needs to come up with some sort of wildlife repellent for asthmatics that doesnt cause us to have an asthma attack, obviously Mr Blue does not have enough repellent properties.

i'l glad to hear that Dozy has (for now) found somewhere else to sleep - hopefully not at anyone else's lungs.

take care xx ><>


Thanks! Yes this is true and he was good last time...I'll just avoid using names then. He might get the boa bit but maybe not the Steve and Edna bit lol.

Mr Blue is no match for my lungs (which means the LF tests I'll be having on Wed morning are again a bit pointless; I forgot to discuss this last time). Ms Green Belladonna plus Mr Blue have a bit more of an effect though atm both are about as much use as a chocolate teapot!

I am having paranoid thoughts that a) the prof will not be there after all (I checked but have dim view of hospital admin though they are much better than most) or b) he will have somehow morphed into my previous consultants! Don't want to spend another month like this but I find it quite hard to explain somehow and they may just focus on the lack of admissions.


Steve has been way too friendly all day...I wish he could manage on this own tonight, then maybe I will get some sleep.


Steve and Nellie have kept me company all day and it looks as though they have decided to keep me company tonight as well.

What do I have to do to get those two to leave me alone


Well thanks a lot!! Edna has found her way to me, and is hanging on for dear life at the moment.

Even nellie has moved over a bit to let Edna in.

No sign of steve at the moment so WARNING Large Snake On The Loose, Looking For New Home!!!


Steve is with me at the moment, just wondering would anyone like one large snake, no, I thought not.


Ellie has decided that sitting on my chest, squashing my lungs so that every breath hurts is fun.

Naughty ellie!!!!


can i add earworms to the list of annoying creatures in this thread?? Nothing to do with asthma but whenever i read this thread i get the soong ""Nellie the elephant"" stuck in my brain

I claim the prize for possibly the smallest creature but as annoying as others just in a different way


Doh! I meant Nellie not ellie!!!!


Steve, Nellie and Edna need ASBOs I think! Disruptive creatures...I hope those being pestered manage to get rid of them.

Jinglfairy I know what you mean about earworms lol, I tend to get Nellie the Elephant stuck in my head a lot when I'm on here too!

Is Nellie better inside the head or on the chest? Discuss, with reference to the song.


Steve, Nellie, Edna and Steve's brother James have decided to visit lungs today.


hi asthmagirl and all who are struggling with wildlife invasions! i had a visit from Steve's little sister Susie earlier but i bashed her on the head with Mr blue and she slinked off. dont think i've met James the brother of Steve. is he bigger and even more squeezy?

please take care all of you and seek further medical help if required to rid us of the invaders.

take care xx ><>


Steve's family! Damn them, bet there are loads of them. I seem to have managed to coax Steve off a little but Susie is showing signs of interest - however she is preferable to Steve. I find hitting them on the head with both Mr Blue and the Pretty Lady (Atrovent...ipratropium...atropine...deadly nightshade...belladonna...yes my mind works in weird ways lol) works best.

Asthmagirl and anyone else plagued with Steve's family, hope it gets better.


Argh... who's sent Steve to Blackpool tonight! Either him or one of his mates have escaped from the zoo. Looks like its gonna be a long night. Good job its the school hols!

Take care everyone, Gill x.


I seems I've got James and Nellie with me tonight, unfortunately James is even bigger than Steve.


Asthmagirl, I hope you got rid of Steve and all his relatives!

Steve has really been bugging me today, but oddly I don't feel that SOB...does anyone else get this where the main thing is the really tight chest? I feel like being SOB Is a slightly separate thing if that makes sense as I can be SOB but not have a tight chest - but find it weird I can have a really tight chest but not be massively SOB!


I think Steve and all his relatives and Nellie were having a party on my lungs today to see who could make me feel awful, thankfully my trusty neb soon gate crashed that party.


Im a little lost and cant find the answer...who the heck is James and what does he represent lol

i on the other hand (if one hasnt been made already) have had a breif encounter (i hope) with a squeky guinea pig who im naming Gurney (short for Gurtrude) little sod he was!!



James is Steve's big brother. And it seems boy is he big! Steve's little sister is called Susie - she's smaller but wants to be as good as the boys so she's still a hard squeezer.

Gurney...hmm, the menagerie just gets bigger!

Asthmagirl, I'm glad your neb turned up with an ASBO and got rid of the ark!


Philomela maybe you should update your original post with a list of all the creatures names and what animals they are!! Other people could think were a little cray....xx


Oops Charlie never saw this! Will do.

I introduced my GP to Steve yesterday. Not by name - he already thinks my lungs are crazy, don't want him to start thinking I'm crazy in the head too...even if I am lol.

The moment I said 'boa constrictor squeezing' he said 'yep that is a symptom of bronchospasm'. Given Steve is often so persistent, it's good to know he's not entirely a product of my imagination lol.


OK, I had to share this. Annoying though Steve and his family are, aren't you glad you don't have to deal with Steve's great-granddaddy? This is one HECK of a big snake!!


(My first post on the new forum, and I notice I'm now an Advanced Member. Do I maybe spend too much time on here? ;))



Definitely glad Steve's grandaddy doesn't visit me! Lol


urh, scary to say the least. glad he's not around anymore.


Just posted an update as realised there is yet another creature in the menagerie - Kasper the Koala.

He's the one that sits piggyback and squeezes you together at the back. Anyone else familiar with Kasper? I hope all other creatures are currently at the zoo and not bothering anyone.

EDIT btw hope this is suitably 'off-topic' - well I know it isn't really but this and the 'You know you're asthmatic when...' are meant to be a more light-hearted approach rather than straight moaning. Sorry if I have on occasion taken them in the wrong direction, but thought they were better in off-topic than anywhere else!


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