Would you apply??
JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Momma, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent
work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to
work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and
frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at
least temporarily, until someone needs £5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds
flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not
someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating
technical Challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework
projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be
indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle
assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic
toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best
but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities
also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the
facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same
position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately
surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered
on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially
Independent. When you die, you give them whatever is
left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no
tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal
growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the Mums you know, in appreciation
for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated.
P.S This is why you may sometimes hear her say that she
is tired or exhausted or even both together, & you have the nerve to
ask why!!
