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Doggy Definitions


A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you

to lead your person where you want him/her to go.


Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread

in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in

the living room.


Is what you do when your persons have food and you

don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you

can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or

better yet, on their laps.


A social custom to use when you greet other dogs.

Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's

rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until

your person makes you stop. This can also be done to

human's crotches.


A container which your neighbors put out once a week

to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs

and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right

you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef

bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.


Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to

control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you

must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly

and run alongside for a few yards; the person then

swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance



This is a malady which affects dogs when their person

want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms

include staring blankly at the person, then running in

the opposite direction, or lying down.


This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.

Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms,

so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling

uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and

following at their heels.


This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old

candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the

basket and strew the papers all over the house until

your person comes home.


Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating

it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa

and wipe your whiskers clean.


This is a process by which the humans drench the floor,

walls and themselves. You can help by shaking

vigorously and frequently.


The best way to get your human's attention when they

are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.


A manoeuvre to use as a last resort when the Regular

Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....

especially effective when combined with The Sniff.

See above.


Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without

restriction. The best way you can show your love is to

wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in

return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.

3 Replies

doggy definitions

You obviosly know my two dogs well

They also nudge your elbow when you are trying to drink a cuppa and the tea goes everywhere


lucy, mine does that as well, or if i sit in the armchair to eat, she'll sit beside me with her nose very, very close to the plate.


Jack my collie gets between me and my hubby if cuddle up on the soffa dont need

no headache pills haha x


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