annoyed and hurt

i saw my so cold sis yesterday we havent seen each ov in a gd few months we dnt see eye to eye at the besy of times. she asked me hows my babies so i said to be honest not gd, rose wiv her chest infection and sighns of asthma and reiss is poorly most days with his asthma, she turned round and said to me that i shud no that its my fault, i replied how? she saidthat because i neva used to let him get dirty!! my boy was 8 months wen he had asthma! how cud dirt av made him ne beta he was just a baby still aving his bottles sterilised, he cudnt move he was a lazy baby, wot did she exspect me to do throw him into a pile ov dirt? she dnt no wot i go thru day in day out i blame myself every day wen i luk at their tiny faces struggle for a simple thing as air, im the luckiest woman in the world my babies r perfect in every way apart from the fact they were born wiv me as their mum :-(

9 Replies

  • Hun, lots of hugs coming your way. You are NOT to blame for this, please dont think you are a bad mother. This is another case of someone who doesn't know their facts putting their views accross. Dont let it get to you, try & let it go over your head if you can. Here for you & thinking of you.



  • It is amazing how some people are experts on asthma, without wanting to get personal I would not describe your sister as an expert. There are lots of rumours, stories, myths, old wives tails about asthma and the majority are complete rubbish.

    I know it is not easy coping when young children who have asthma, the last thing you need is hearing such garbage or accusations that you are somehow to blame.

    Simple facts are that you are not to blame and having chatted with you on here and read your posts it is obvious that you are doing your very best for your kids.

  • hugs to you.

    Don't blame yourself, your not to blame for your kids's asthma, its, just one of them things that can't be helped.

    My son has asthma and other problems. My daughter is deaf and has other problems, I do not blame myself. And I certainly would ignore anyone who said it was my fault.

    Some people are ignorant, and should be helping us mothers with poorly children instead of critisising us.


  • thanks

    i thank u guys from the bottom ov my heart i dnt like burdenin ppl with my problems exspeacially wen theres ppl wiv alot worse problems than me, but like i said i blame myself all the time in secret but having sum1 tell me that make me feel sick to my stomach, wot if ppl i see eeryday think thats it my fault too? just too nice to tell me, i dont no where my head is ne more but i agree i def gota let it go ova my head i cant keep letting other ppl get me down i aint got time to worry bout them or even myself my babies r my concern and weather its my fault or not i cant turn bk time i just gota make sure i do the best i can wiv them and stop wollowin in self pitty, i thanks u all so much for ur words of support suprised no1 told me to grow up, i cant exspress enough on how nice ppl av been to me on this site and every word i take in and appreciate the time uv taken to write it x x x x

  • crystal mumov2

    'OH GOOD GRIEF' was my initial thought when I read your post. That anyone could think that way in this day and age is just ridiculous. To think that putting your babies in the way of dirt and bugs as a way of avoiding asthma is just such a, oh gosh, it isn't even an old wives tale. its just plain nasty.

    I had similar with 2 neighbours in our block of flats when kids were little. They tried to suggest to anyone who would listen that I didn't love DD2 as much as DD1 and that's why I kept taking her in and leaving her at the hospital. Fortunately for me, support of rest of family and Health Visitors kept me going. Looking back, I so wish I'd had the confidence I have now, as a granny of three, then maybe I'd have felt a bit better about facing them and put them right instead of getting angry.

    Honey, like my daughters with me, your babies are so lucky having a mum that loves and cares for them in the best way we can. Cos, its not our fault if they have allergies or asthma or even colds and sneezes. Nor even if they trip when learning to walk.

    PS Both my daughters now have families of their own and if anyone gets uppity with them, they'll have me to deal with. Been there, got the t-shirt. Point your sister in my direction. OK?

  • I would really like to swear to be honest. I cannot believe she said that. She doesn't understand clearly, but I'm sorry to say it but that is just awful.

    You are a great isn't your fault that your babies have asthma and the important thing is that you love and care for them so much.

    ARGHHH...I feel very angry for you.

    I have to say, people keep saying to me 'I'm sure Max will be fine'......I really want to scream when people say that and shout that he isn't fine.

    I am so sorry that your sister behaved in this way. I totally understand where you are coming from as my parents, sister and husband are utterly useless.

    Big hugs to you all xx

  • i just wana say thank u so much i really do mean it, i dnt plan on seeing my family any time swn they just seem to make things alot harder 4 me i just gota concentrate on gettin my babies well, thank u so much for the words of wisdom and appreciate evry single word, an yeah i get it aswell they will be fine, all kids pick it up! it aint a bug, it aint sumthing theyv picked up walking the street but in their eyes they dnt see wot they r like they dnt see the docs records they wasnt there wen i had to and still have to pin down my daughter and son to make sure they get the meds they need, im beta off without um and if they got that sort of attitude towards my babies health then they dnt deserve to be in theirs either (not that they av or eva bovd) soz to go on but even just thinking bout it makes me boil up thanks again though x x

  • Hi crystal, Sorry to hear about your sister. Some in my family arent sympathetic to my 13yr old's asthma and it is hurtful. They dont live nearby and when we talk on the phone I dont say much because I know they dont have any understanding of the situation. My aunt recently told me I mollycoddle my son and do too much for him. Well, she hasnt seen us for over 2 yrs (lives north Scotland) so to be quite honest, I dont take much notice.

    Hope things improve for your babies crystal. Thinking of you. xxx

  • thanks so much, i think its best if i just keep my self to myself sick ov waiting for ppl to wise up thanks againg x

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