As aspers can get hurt very deeply and it takes time to build up trust again. How do you regain trust? I have apologised but the lack of contact reminds between me and said person (close family member). I have been advise to leave her alone.The suotation occured in July and lack of understanding was the issue. Distance diveds us. All communication had failed or been ignored evem with a round robin text not just.aimed at them indivally.
Thoughts
elanaoali,
I wish I had a great answer for you. I am dealing with a similar situation and so I will tell you what is working (slowly) for me. First off, if she is open to counseling, you should see a professional if you haven't already. In my situation, my adult son with asperger's is having a difficult time learning to trust me again after we recently left an abusive relationship with my long-term partner. Unfortunately, he was part of that since he lived with us. After many hours of having him lash out at me, I finally realized that he didn't feel as though he was getting the empathy needed from me or anyone else regarding how the relationship affected him. He doesn't really have anyone except for me to talk to so it was hard because he felt like his feelings were disregarded. I didn't realize how much the whole situation hurt him. My first approach was to empathize and agree with him, stating things like, "Yes, we did go through a lot. " The problem was, this wasn't what he needed to hear. Being someone who by default (his asperger's traits) makes him focus on HIS feelings and not mine. I have since learned to listen and let him rant. He tells me how the whole thing hurt him and how he had it so bad. Which he did. But, I no longer insert myself into the conversation. I simply validate his feelings. I agree with him that he had it bad and his feelings are justified. I do not try to explain myself or my actions. So far so good. But, nothing replaces going to see a specialist.
Hi no I don't think she's seen a counsellor. What I am hoping and praying for is that she sees with time that I am yes I made a mistake and I can be trusted again. There is another person very close to her and me that could put in a good word for me, also a another close family member too who has a good relationship with her who is close to me too Ln You are right her feelings need validating too. I find it hard too when I was re reminded that a decision had been made without talking about it to me first Other people can't see why she won't talk to me. I have tried a round Robin text but got no reply and I don't know if she looked at it
I am going to be brave and ask the other individual if she is talking to me and or forgive me. I am once again reminded that I not able to talk to her. It hurts and echoes something else that happen to my husband family. It was resolved with pray and the relationship was restored. I believe in the power of pray as a Christian and reach out to God when I am feeling low. I pray for your suitation too that you and your son can work through it and he trusts again. FFamilies relationships can be deicate things and need to be handled with carelb Somebody told me once hurt people hurt people. That is so true. Ln Thank you for sharing with me I am very grateful.
Difficult when two people involved are hurting. I took mine to God and a very good friend of 21 years. God carries me through when I can't stand.
I find myself caught between my hubbie who can't understand why she would not talk to me still and my loyalty to my close family member.
Still waiting for the situation to resolve. Will be in the locality of where she lives next week but decided not to go and see her. I will be seeing another person close to her and hope to enjoy some good quality time however short.
I've started two longer, more "friendly" answers, but upon reading this again, I'd advise to leave her alone. Continuing after you've been asked to stop could land you being arrested for cyberstalking.
Hi I would never stalk anyone ever! I not going to be on this site any longer. Thanks for the help. Goodbye (pleases see post for why I am leaving. I staying following to wait for your reply. Then I will be gone.
Aspers??? We are asper aliens!!! People in general can get hurt very deeply, etc.... I love the stereotyping!
Hi David,
Wondering if you may have any advice. I am sure that my 24 year old son has aspergers. I just realized this a year ago. He is my only child and i just thought he was shy, they told me in kindergarten that he would never read or write i told them they were wrong. It wasn't til last year that i realized he has aspergers after researching anxiety and more, i read about aspergers. When he was small there wasn't a lot of info about aspergers. I confronted him last year with my thoughts and he was angry and hurt he said "I'm not retarded" He has a cousin with aspergers who is not able to do many things, he associated it with her. He's in college now, had many friends when small but now has only one. He had a job but hated it and now in school full time. I worry what will become of him as i don't know if he will be able to work he gets such anxiety from crowds, people that he does not know. I don't know what to do, I don't wanna bring it up to him again, his dad my exhusband has no understanding of this. He's an only child and I worry what will become of him if he is unable to work. I had a longer letter but i guess this site only takes so many words or a limit. Can you give me any advice on what you think i should do? I agree with you it's an identity but many people out there still label. I don't talk to anyone about this because I'm afraid they will treat him differently. My heart breaks because I wonder if I could have gotten him help if i would have known. Thank you.
Hi Dmariel, thanks for writing, i never get any parents asking me anything, this is a nice surprise, and am glad to be of some assistance.
You say he had friends when younger, but doesn't now, is it because of the fact he wants to be with just one friend? Has he always been anxious? What job does he do, and what talents/passions does he have? Does he avoid parties, is he always the last one to understand the joke, does he take everything literally? Can he put himself in other people's shoes? Does he collect passionately? etc.....
It doesn't sound like Aspergers so far because you gave little info, it could be general anxiety or depression, but with more info I can help more.
Cheers.
David, he will avoid parties, he's always been anxious. When he was small he was more interested in playing with toys than other kids as i look back.
