As I recovered I realised I didn't feel emotions previously. I now FEEL love for my youngest. Have others had experience of this?

[sofie]

bother, realised I haven't asked this very well. Sorry to the two lovely ladies who already answered, but I meant that I have realised I didn't feel love BEFORE I became unwell, and don't seem to have felt anything much at all really. And because that's how it was all the time, I didn't know any different. Its not until I had the PN problems and started to recover that I began to feel things as a sensation in my body, rather than just sort of 'knowing' occasionally what I was feeling. Does that make sense?

[EmmiLou Volunteer]

Hi Sofie

Yes I did experience this emotionless feeling throughout my illness, I think that for some of us, when recovering from PP, are unable to feel certain emotions, if any at all. This may be due to the medication or the illness that takes over you.

In my experience, I lost all emotions as the medication I was on made me like a 'zombie' and very 'spaced out'. I wouldn't feel anything, even though I was so distraught inside about what I was going through I didn't cry or get upset. It was like my emotions had been stripped away. I knew I had had a baby and he was gorgeous but the love developed when I started to get better. It was like someone have given me clearer vision when I started to get better and it was like falling in love with my baby again. It is very hard to explain but PP is a very cruel illness that changes you and your emotions, and your outlook on life.

You do begin to feel those emotions again when on the road to recovery.

I hope I have explained this ok - it does get better, it just takes time.

E. x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Sofie. I think I've always been a bit arty and perhaps "sensitive" or flighty (depending who you ask!) but I agree with what you and EmmiLou have been describing. PP certainly changes you as a person and gives you a different perspective somehow. When I was ill I think I was often very spaced- part of that was the delusions and confusion I suffered and partly the meds too. People have told me since it was like I was there but not there, especially after I was home after being in hospital and technically recovering. Perhaps showing me that the recovery did take longer than the initial hospital stay and discharge. I think that I can also appreciate this now with the benefit of hindsight, tho I was desperate to get back to "normal", whatever that is, and be getting on with my new family life rather than dwelling on the difficult start we had. I also write a diary and have done for years, even before I was ill. It's enlightening looking back each day (it's one of the 5 year ones) and seeing what's changed in life. It's really positive that you're seeing this as something good to come out of an awful time. Take care. X

[andrea_at_app Volunteer]

Hi Sofie,

I think I understand not feeling love before you were ill & only feeling love & emotions afterwards. In a way PP made me far more aware of my emotions (or maybe I'm monitoring them more?) so it did feel like I was more emotional & sentimental afterwards. This was really noticeable for me in year 3 as this was such a happy, emotional year of getting to know my son with incredible feelings of love for him. Perhaps emotions can feel intensified after being so ill & having the 'zombie' feelings for so long that EmmiLou describes? It'd be interesting to hear if others felt intensified feelings afterwards, or love after recovery where there was none before.

I think it's wonderful that you feel love for your youngest now & a very positive outcome from PP! A x