hi, I feel like I have so much to say! I had PP / onset of postnatal bipolar in 2013 - so a long time ago, and I take a low dose of ariprazole (antipsychotic) atm. My illness has really damaged my relationship with my partner. Today he said I wouldn't be able to do Improv comedy (not that I've ever tried or would want to) because I take meditation and that stops the creative free-flow of my thoughts. I felt hurt. He pill shames me often and is very, very opposed to medication. But I've had 2 severe psychotic episodes and possibly a third and currently yes, I choose to take it.
At times he can be domineering, aggressive, and really look down on me as being a less intelligent, spontaneous, creative, sociable etc person - all due to meds. I think he may be right about some of the stuff, at points in the past, but to me it's a much more nuanced story to do with the effects of depression, stigma, loneliness, cognitive impact of illness, etc etc. I don't want to leave him - I wish we could wind back the clock to better times in our relationship. I try to set boundaries but he's dismissive of them. Thanks for reading 💚
Thank you for sharing some of your story here, it’s really moving. I had my PP episode in late 2012, and subsequently diagnosed with bipolar. I had another “mini” psychotic episode a year and a half ago, but generally speaking I stay pretty well. I take a combination of Mirtazapine and quetiapine and don’t see that changing any time soon. Absolutely no shame in taking psychiatric medication, they can be life changers!
I’m so sorry you’re having these problems with your partner. He sounds quite bitter about things, and I wonder if there are some underlying things going on that he’s dealing with - by taking out his frustrations on you! It almost sounds like he is gas-lighting you with respect to your medication, when he should be well aware of the dangers of another psychotic episode.
Have you ever tried any form of relationship counselling? Or failing that some individual counselling for you both? You mention much happier times in the past, and it’s good to hold onto those memories - hopefully you can get back to that, but not at the expense of your self esteem and happiness! Nothing is worth that.
Do keep posting here if it helps - we are all here for you!
Ps I work for a mental health Recovery College and we run an Improvisation course alongside The Comedy School - so I can confidently say that your partner is totally wrong on that score! We get some very unwell service users come along to the course and absolutely blow us all away with how funny and creative they are!