Lingering delusions / beliefs
Hi all
I was just wondering how long delusions/beliefs remain for? I am really struggling with the worries I had at the time during psychosis as they still feel quite real to me. It’s really affecting the way I interact with my partner, baby, family and friends. I can’t imagine not ever thinking the things and it affects how I am with everyone so much. I miss me so much 
I don’t recognise who I am now.
So sorry to post again!
X
Hello Loopy86,
You never need to apologise for posting. As Lilybeth has said, it’s a safe space and please write whenever it helps, we’re all here to listen and support you.
For me, the further I got from the delusions and beliefs of my psychosis, in terms of time passing, the easier it was to see them for what they were. It’s so difficult as we live a different reality, and it really is our reality for that period of time – it’s so confusing then being able to separate it all. And if those thoughts and beliefs were very muddled in with true events, it’s even harder to unravel. I found the more time back in ‘proper reality’, the more I could start relating back to that rather than the reality I lived during psychosis, like the balance swung more and more towards what was truly real (I hope this is making some sense!). But there are still things now that I find confusing – were the ‘memories’ I had when psychotic real memories, memories of dreams, or just created by the psychosis… I ‘remembered’ conversations I’d had with my Nana as a child for example, which all made sense now in my psychotic state. Some things that had happened in the lead up to being hospitalized could be pieced back together – words I thought my brother had said to me, he told me I had in fact said to him (which were “What if we actually are living in the Matrix?”) – the fact I thought he’d said this to me bothered me for some time until I finally asked him about it. Then I guess there are things that in time we hopefully come to terms with even if we can never make sense of them.
I too think it would be a good idea to share how you’re feeling with your care team - there may be some further/different support they could offer. I always found talking about things or writing things down helped, but I know it’s not for everyone – we all have to find what works for us and our circumstances but I hope you find the replies and suggestions here helpful and reassuring. Keep reaching out, things really will get easier.
Take good care and know you can write here any time.
Best wishes,
Jenny x
thank u Jenny for ur reply. I think u r right about it being difficult to separate the truth from the psychosis, it’s really hard to do that. But as u say hopefully in time I’ll start to sway more and more towards reality. It just doesn’t feel like I’ll ever get there at the moment xx
Hello Loopy,
we are always here in the background for you. It is great to have the reassurance of other women, who have had to experience the same traumatic illness. Look, we recovered from PPP and can now exchange our lived experience.
Yet, it takes time to heal. We all have struggled on many levels and the best way is just trying to communicate with your loved ones (family members/best friends), record your ups and downs and may journalise experiences, so you can talk to health professionals with a reference. It is all about trying to develop some coping mechanisms. When you feel triggered, just dot it down and when feeling strong enough you may could discuss that with your husband or find solutions how to deal with circumstances better next time round.
I suffered with paranoia and hallucination much longer than I had to. This was, because of unfortunate stressors coming my way. My sensory processing was over stimulated when becoming hyper active and I could hear bell ringing for one year and on and off seeing things, which were not there. What helped me tons was the interaction with my partner, who gave me reassurance that what I was perceiving in my mind was not there, not real. When you have a very good relationship and you love each other, there is this trust! I always calmed down when I asked: can you hear bells ringing, and sometimes the bells were realy ringing from our village church, bell ringers on Tuesdays 
Please, be kind to yourself, take your time and family members and friends, the once who are important to you, will try and learn to understand why certain activities can be o great challenge.
Take good care...
thank you Pikorua I really appreciate u taking the time to reply and I think what u say about developing coping mechanisms will help. Like u say if I can jot down things as and when I feel them and then wait til I’m at a safer place to discuss them later xx thank ux
Take good care Loopy, yes, do not be too harsh on yourself with dotting down stuff. I do it according to my moods, sometimes I just forget. My journalising is still therapeutic, and helps me to remember and reflect on things. It is super new moon and I am hyper active, that means my diary keeping is not as organised as I have tons of things in my mind and lots to do...forcing myself to slow down is important and then I start painting , journalising or just meditating. In the long run you will figure out your own toolkit.
Good Night x
Hi Loopy86
I'm sorry to read you don't recognise yourself. I struggled to identify what was real or not after discharge and still wonder today about a few things. I think it's difficult to put a time frame on it, but I recommend talking to professionals and always being open and honest about how you're feeling. I hope the feeling of not recognising yourself leaves you soon xx
Yes I totally agree with that. We all have our own recovery journeys. Big or small 💓
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Hello Loopy86
Please don’t be sorry for posting, That’s what this safe space is for, so we can support each other if we are struggling or celebrate when things are going well.
Have you spoken to your care team about struggling? I’m sorry the delusions/beliefs still feel quite real. I had delusions which were all very frightening and real to me during my psychosis. It was difficult for my family to understand as they couldn’t see what I was seeing or hearing. At one stage I was shouting loudly to an enormous ‘moth’ which sat between my husband and I. Of course, no one else saw the ‘moth’ which was saying negative things about me, so it looked as if I was shouting at my husband! I read about this in my notes and couldn’t believe the way I behaved as if I was a completely different person. My delusions eventually faded with the addition of a different medication.
Easy for me to say I know but try not to worry. You are recovering from such a traumatic time in your life and it’s not easy. Try not to judge yourself ... your confidence has been shattered but you will find yourself again and be much stronger.
I hope you can sleep tonight. Take care and thanks for writing 🌹
thank u for ur reply Lilybeth. I really appreciate it and am so sorry u went through this too x
Be kind to yourself Loopy86 .... we all understand how difficult recovery is with ups and downs. Perhaps when you feel up to it there might be an APP cafe group nearby to meet with lovely mums, like yourself, as well as all the virtual friends here. 🌻