No emotions even after coming off all meds for 5 months…

[Raindropsonroses44]

Hope anyone can offer some help or advice.I started with postpartum psychosis straight after the birth of my first son .They put me on olanzapine which seemed to help for the first couple of months with most of the anxiety and sleep .Then once I was starting to recover I tried to figure out what had actually happened to me and started to feel anxious and couldn’t sleep (I actually got an obsession about NOT sleeping ).The perinatal Dr concluded I must be depressed and feeling desperate to try anything that would help me sleep as sleeping tablets weren’t helping I started on mirtazapine from last October then was switched to Sertraline then quitiapine .From starting the mirtazapine and then all the others a year ago I have had had absolutely no emotion whatsoever(except weirdly a bit teary 🥲 from time to time ).Even after taking myself off everything this May ,5 /6 months ago I still feel exactly the same nothing has changed .This has been the most difficult thing I think I’ve ever had to go through even more than the psychosis at times as I can’t feel any emotion towards my son now for a whole year and he’s so beautiful and good .If anyone can offer anything I would be so grateful.Thankyou

[x_Amy Volunteer]

Hi Raindropsonroses44,I’m sorry to hear you experienced postpartum psychosis after the birth of your son. I was prescribed the same medications as you following my episode after my son’s birth back in 2014. I am glad to hear that olanzapine helped you, but I totally relate to the loss of emotions which is a really common experience for those of us recovering from PP. It is such a difficult feeling I know, but I promise the emotions will come in time. Please be kind to yourself, you’ve gone through so much and it’s important not to put pressure on yourself. Take good care,

Amy x

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to x_Amy]

hi thanks so much for your reply .I really didn’t know that it was a common thing with PP I just thought it was the meds the whole time and even a side effect of coming off them -you don’t think that then ??my GP said it can take a while 6-12 months after coming off them for emotions to return but maybe it’s just the trauma of going through PP it’s so hard to know .It’s so hard to think that they will ever come back as it’s been so long and also so hard to know what my emotions will be like when they do finally come back I’m very worried about that too

[x_Amy Volunteer in reply to Raindropsonroses44]

My GP and treatment team gave me the same advice in regards to medication being a factor and also, as you mentioned, the trauma of PP takes time for your mind to process and recover from. I understand what you mean when you say you’re afraid of your emotions returning, but please be kind to yourself, lovely lady. You’ve accessed support and the mums in this wonderful community have been on the same journey. You will feel better and it’s a case of taking things a day at a time for now x

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to x_Amy]

Thankyou .It’s nice to know I’m not alone .I have only just found your website .

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to x_Amy]

also if you don’t mind me asking do you remember how long it took for your emotions to come back and was it a gradual process or did they come back all at once ??

[x_Amy Volunteer in reply to Raindropsonroses44]

For me, they returned gradually. I do remember being worried that they would overwhelm me from feeling “out of touch” with them for what felt like a long time, but they came back almost without me noticing. You’ll find yourself smiling and laughing at things more and more with time, and as Zebunisa mentioned, having a routine (including nice things to look forward to) really does help x

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to x_Amy]

Thanks that’s helpful

[Astarlove in reply to x_Amy]

I can relate.... Also recovering from postnatal psychosis and am so emotionless and its so horrible. How long till they come?

[x_Amy Volunteer in reply to Astarlove]

Hi Astarlove, I’m sorry to hear that you experienced PP. I am glad to see that you have found us here.

Recovery is different for everyone, and factors such as medication can play a part in how “in touch” you feel with your emotions in the early days. They return so gradually that it’s hard to pinpoint exactly when they return, but I can promise you that they will 🤗

If you feel it would be helpful, please create a post in the forum and you will receive more replies from other mums who can share their experiences with you x

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Raindropsonroses44 , thank you for bravely reaching out to us. I know it can be scary to admit when you aren’t feeling great and you sound like you want to find some sort of solution…this is great, although you may feel like you aren’t doing much right now to improve your mood you are! You are reaching out and asking for support and tips. A great step in the right direction.

I too went through similar experiences to you with postpartum psychosis (July 2021) followed by depression, anxiety and felt no emotion for sometime too. What I’d say helped me was talking to other mums and connecting with them. You realise that you are not alone and every mum struggles at some stage of their journey. I didn’t have emotion but I tried to motivate myself to go out and do things, some things I did:

- Mum groups/ support groups

- Walks/exercise classes

- Keeping my mind busy with reading or arts & crafts

- Meeting family/friends

- Being truthful and honest with the dr about my feelings and emotions

- Speaking to others going through PP/ Anxiety or depression

- Reading up on strategies to help me recover from for instance anxiety

I found making a routine and keeping my mind busy with various things slowly got me out of the no emotion feeling situation. I just want you to know you will get through this. It may not seem like it now but you will ❤️

If you wanted to reach out to us also we do offer peer support so feel free to contact me via. direct message too.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself.

Take care xx

Zebunisa

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to Zebunisa_at_APP]

Thankyou yes I’ve been trying to motivate myself for a while now to do things I used to enjoy -walks mostly but also reading ,meeting up with friends ,some exercise when I have time but nothing has changed I thought it was the meds making me feel like this and also a side effect of coming off them but maybe not ??yes I have reached out for peer support-Thankyou :)

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator in reply to Raindropsonroses44]

I’d say be kind and be patient. It may not seem like it right now but soon you will see the light and you will get your emotion back. Just like me.

Don’t give up, keep trying.. keep going ❤️

These mum groups & peer support that you will get will definitely boost you and hopefully soon enough you will be back on your own feet, feeling confident and feeling emotion and humour again soon.

Keep in touch and keep going you will get there 💕

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to Zebunisa_at_APP]

Thankyou very much that’s very helpful .I am going to try CBT but the lady who is taking it doesn’t have any experience with anyone who has suffered with PP although she has dealt with various traumas .Do you think I should be going to someone who has more specifically dealt with PP ? Thanks ☺️

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator in reply to Raindropsonroses44]

I would say try different strategies, don’t rely on just one method to get better. It takes a combination of everything to recover. Perhaps CBT (any reputable professional), peer support, mum groups, stimulating your mind with reading/puzzles, exercise etc.

You won’t notice it immediately but eventually your mood will shift. Stay motivated and keep going ❤️

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to Zebunisa_at_APP]

ok thanks 😊

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator in reply to Raindropsonroses44]

Along the way we are here for you, keep in touch❤️

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hello Raindropsonroses44,

I am really sorry to hear you experienced postpartum psychosis last year and how you are feeling flat at the moment, some months after coming off medication.

I had pp in 2018 after the birth of my daughter, and for more than a year after it, I did not feel anything towards her, I could go through the motions of everyday looking after her, but I could very well have been looking after someone else's child. The emotions did come back in time, crept up slowly and without me noticing it at first. I did not realised it but then one day I was laughing wholeheartedly at something my toddler had done.

Bear in mind, what you are experiencing is no reflection whatsoever on your parenting, you are an amazing mum, just for the simple fact that this is so heart-breaking for you. Be very kind to yourself now, this is a sign of your mind recovering after the huge upheaval of pp. As when we have to recover from a serious physical condition, allow for rest and take things a little bit at a time.

I hope that you have good support around you from family and friends, as that is so important. Take really good care, things are going to get so so much better

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

hi Thankyou very much .yes lots of support from family and friends -I’m a Jehovahs Witness so there is a lot of support where we meet to discuss the Bible .Also found prayer and lots of verses about how to cope with anxiety and also a better future on our website jw.org very comforting .I thought that the loss of emotion was from the meds and also coming off them but maybe I was wrong .I’m trying my best to stay as positive and busy (but also rest )as possible but it really feels like they will never come back .I hope they will at some point but hopefully not too strong to handle …

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Raindropsonroses44,

I am glad to read that you have lots of support from friends and family, it is so important to not feel alone and be able to count on others. Yes, medication does have that effect, but although I am no professional, I think there is more than just that, at least that was my experience. It will come, I promise.

[Raindropsonroses44 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thankyou

[Astarlove]

Hello good people. Inhave a son and hez now five months old. To be honest the recovery process hasnt been easy and feel so alone at times. Does anyone ever feel they are not themselves loke the brain is still healing. Like you are dreaming at times. And no connection with baby like no feelings whatsover just doing things as a routine... Like when will i get back to be my very normal self like before having emotions and feelings

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to Astarlove]

Hello Astarlove,

I’m Rachel, part of the national peer support team at Action on Postpartum Psychosis.

Firstly, congratulations on the arrival of your little boy, gosh five months, a lovely age. I’m sorry though to hear you’ve been poorly with PP, and that you’re finding recovery challenging. I promise you can, and will, overcome this.

I have a son too, he’s now nearly six. We have a lovely little relationship going, and I hope he’d say the same too. But… just like you describe, it hasn’t always been that way for me sadly too. I want to offer you reassurance, that what I felt, and what you’re feeling now is temporary. You’re feeling it, because you’ve been poorly. You’ve had a horrible time, I have no doubt. And I’m really really sorry this has happened to you.

I had PP, and like you describe, I also felt quite alone and not like myself for what felt like forever. My son was nine months, when I felt like I had some kind of realisation, the “fog” lifted, my bond came like a spark and I felt like - I get it, I get being his Mummy.

Recovery from PP can take time, and be full of better days, not so better days and for me, numb days too. Everyone’s experience is slightly different, but you’re definitely not alone in feeling as you are.

Are you accessing professional medical help and support at the moment, such as a Perinatal Mental Health Team or your GP? I wonder if you might be able, if you’ve not already, revisit them and explain how you’re feeling as there might be support they can offer, or things they could better support you with?

Try not to worry about when you’ll get better. I know that’s hard. But it’s a question I asked too, and no one could answer. Keep talking, keep being kind to yourself. You’ve been through a huge trauma having PP. I didn’t think of it as a trauma before I accessed counselling, but it really is. It is a lot, a huge thing to overcome, so naturally it takes time lovely.

Sending my very best wishes and hugs,

Rachel x

[Astarlove in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

Thank you so much. Ooooo you are soo right the question which always comes is when wikk i get better. Whrn will i realise i am a mother.... I so much relate to everthing you are saying. Ooooo thr numb days i do get those.... And not knowing who i am anymore in the healing process... Oooo how i am looking forward to the realisation stage!!! You are soo kind thank you for your encouragement!!!!!

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to Astarlove]

You've a lovely cheer squad of mums here, we really do understand. I’m glad you’ve found what we’ve said helpful in some ways.

Action on Postpartum Psychosis also offer peer support, so if you’d be interested you can read more on our website here: app-network.org/peer-support/

Hope you had a good weekend. Thinking of you.

Rachel x