Pregnancy phsycosis

[Laualex]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I am 36 weeks pregnant and I'm suffering depression, anxiety and phsycosis, all to do with the new human coming out of me. I am absolutely terrified of the thought of meeting my baby and I don't know how to overcome that feeling. Seeing the baby clothes, my hospital bag and anything to do with the birth turns my stomach and I feel sick. This is my second child. My first is 5, I had a long PND with her but I did bond with her and loved her very much from day 1. Not the same feeling now. I don't want this baby. I'm on antidepressants sertraline, but I have an appointment with mental health nurse next week and they might be giving me something else. I'm so sad I'm not looking forward to having this baby. I'm so scared of it.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Laualex

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting - I’m so sorry you’re suffering from depression, anxiety and psychosis during your pregnancy. I can understand how scared you must be feeling and the sadness that must bring

It’s good you’re seeing your mental health nurse next week, are you getting good support to try and manage the symptoms you’re experiencing? Do you have a plan for when the baby comes? Is spending time in an MBU an option for you?

I’m sure there will be others here with helpful experience to share - perhaps some techniques to try and feel more relaxed and connected. Lean on any support you have around you - I hope your mental health nurse is helpful next week but do seek help in the meantime if you’re struggling.

Sending you very warm wishes.

Jenny x

[Chick44nzrn]

Dear Laualex. You do seem to be having a very tough time and I’m sorry to hear that as it’s supposed to be “ the happy event” but for most of us it can be very fraught and things can go upside down to expectations. When you’re suffering from anxiety and depression , some of that will be the fear of not being able to cope , with the day to day care while you have negative feelings . You must be a very good and competent mother with five years of experience . You’re also very responsible , and getting advice from a mental health nurse will clarify how is the best way to get any effective treatment / care to alleviate your symptoms.

Are you considering discussing with the nurse having some time in the mothers and babies unit to make sure you are in a good place emotionally before going home? You may be surprised that when you see and hold the precious little one it could be better than what you are anticipating , and if you’re able to discuss your feelings with family , eg babies father, and nurse, this will help, letting go of the negative emotions . Let people support you , and show the caring you deserve. Ensure the obstetrician knows the whole story and try to have faith in yourself!

In the meantime enjoy these days with your five year old , which will fly by !

Love and best wishes

Denise . (4 babies / had PPP and PND, survived )

[Laualex in reply to Chick44nzrn]

Hi Denise. Thank you for your reply. I cannot get over the negative thoughts and how much I don't want to have this baby. I'm not very young either, have mental health issues and everything screames HUGE MISTAKE! I hate my situation and because of how depressed I've been I've completely shut down and not able to play and do anything with my daughter. I was a good mother to one child and now I'm turning into a bad mother to two children. I feel trapped. What would they do at mother and baby unit? Do they give you treatment? Glad to see you have 4 children and recovered from PND, PPP. How long did it take? Did you have it with all 4? It took me couple of years to recover from PND with my first and now I hate it that I've done it again.

[Marshman]

Don't be so hard on yourself. My advice is probably not so orthodox but I would just say you can do this! People said to me when I was worried about not loving my baby enough that it grows and it does. You might not feel that overwhelming love in the first weeks or months because it is such hard work but just give it time. I had bad intrusive thoughts towards the end of my pregnancy which I have never really openly spoken about so I know it is tough. Don't waste your energy being cross with yourself because it has happened now. Your daughter might really love her sibling which would give you a new perspective on things. But also if she isn't in love straight away that is totally normal. Just being with your daughter is enough, helping her get dressed etc and being around. Also try and find some time for you, I know it sounds crazy but my sister said to me when I was ill an empty cup doesn't pour and it's true. When I was too poorly to look after my baby she said you need to focus on you so that you can eventually. So try and squeeze some time in for you because you are a person and not just a Mum. Whether it's a Netflix binge or reading a magazine painting your nails or whatever you like to do try and refill your cup xx

[LizzieLizzieLou]

Hi Laualex, I’m so sorry to hear you’re experiencing anxiety, depression and psychosis. That’s a lot!

I suffered from PPP in 2020 - I had a few unexpected life events thrown my way in the last couple of months of my pregnancy and the last week before my induction I was overwhelmed with feelings about how I wasn’t ready or prepared for a baby, and no longer wanted to go through with it. In my most distressed state, post-birth, I even told any doctor that would listen about these feelings. They were much more understanding and empathetic that I thought, many commented that it was more common than people realised. The consistent advice was just trying to take one day at a time, just get to tomorrow, and try to refrain from any big decision thinking while in recovery as often when you’re feeling better other things, like bonding, get better and easier too.

I don’t have too much advice but wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you. I second the comments about talking to maternal mental health and seeing about the possibility of staying in a mother and baby unit. I stayed in one for a few weeks with my baby and it was really helpful for my recovery. It’s a mental health unit specially designed for new-ish Mums. They provide you treatment and it’s particularly helpful having a Dr check on you daily and be able to adjust or recommend medications quickly so you can get back to feeling better as soon as possible. Having nursing staff present 24/7 helped build my confidence, and having them take my baby at night while I slept was pivotal. It took so much pressure off and made things feel more manageable. It was a very supportive and caring environment.

[Laualex in reply to LizzieLizzieLou]

Thank you Lizzie. Great to hear you recovered and there is light at the end. At the moment I can't see it. The feeling of not wanting the baby is so strong that I don't believe anyone can turn this around. All I want is not have it and that's impossible.

[Chick44nzrn]

Hello again . It’s clear you are feeling truly awful and the thought of the new baby is overwhelming right now. Do you have any family support such as partner or parents? If someone could help with your five year old that could relieve some distress . When your daughter sees the baby she will show I imagine excitement and her emotions will be a positive input for you. I think you definitely need mental health support so when you see your nurse please tell her exactly how you feel so she can arrange some therapeutic input .. maybe your meds will be reviewed for a starter .

Keep in touch and try to spoil yourself a little if you can !

Warm wishes take care

Denise

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Laualex

I’m so sorry to hear you are suffering psychosis in your pregnancy as well as other issues. I had psychosis twice following the births of my sons but my pregnancies went well. It must be an awful time at the moment.

My sons were born six years apart as I had a very traumatic time with severe depression also bringing me down. It is very draining, feeling helpless and hopeless, sometimes I didn’t want to get out of bed!

I don’t have any experience to share about mother and baby units as my PP episodes were years ago when general psychiatric care was the only option when I was sectioned. I now know that mother and baby units provide specialist care to mothers and their babies, which is good as I was separated from my first son for his first six months as I went from one unit to another. Similarly, I was also separated from my second son and from my notes have read that my severe depression lasted a little over a year with outpatient admissions in times of crisis.

So I think if there’s a place available in a mother and baby unit it would be a good place for you to begin to bond with your second precious child. Although it might depend on whether you also have care for your daughter?

I really hope the appointment with your care nurse will be helpful. It’s not easy for you, feeling as you do, but with good medical care and support I hope you will eventually see what a precious gift you are adding to your family.

Thinking of you.... take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Laualex

How have you been today? I hope the perinatal team are supporting you with any worries you might have. We are all here to listen and care. Thinking of you.

[Laualex]

Hi Lilybeth. Not great, really struggling and nothing seems to help. Not long left till delivery and I'm terrified. Antidepressants haven't shown any improvement and they suggested I double the dose. GP wouldn't change them as I've only been taking them for 2 weeks and she said it's still early. Thank you for checking on me. X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Sorry to hear that Laualex, that nothing seems to help. Do you think the perinatal team might suggest that you go into the MBU just before your due date so that you might feel more relaxed?

I took antidepressants after my PP and I think they do take a while to have an effect. Perhaps you might wait a little longer if possible before you double the dose as suggested? I’m so sorry that you are going through this even before your baby is born. As I mentioned, there are some mums for whom PP did not return.

I wonder if you feel stressed during the night whether it might help to talk to the Samaritans who are there to listen 24/7 on 116 123 or email [e-mail]?

Try to rest if you can and take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Laualex

Sorry I might have spoken out of turn suggesting you wait to see if the antidepressants take effect before doubling the dose. I’m not medically trained so I should not have gone against your GP’s advice.

Thinking of you.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Laualex,

I’m sorry to read that nothing seems to be helping. Is your mental health nurse keeping in regular contact with you? I hope you have family support? It must be so hard struggling with such strong feelings. Has there been any mention of a mother and baby unit being an option for you?

I hope you managed some rest last night. Do keep sharing how you’re feeling, leaning on all support, and take things a day at a time.

Thinking of you and sending you very warm wishes,

Jenny x