Has anyone had pre-conception counselling? I imagine lots of people will have I just wondered what your experience of it was/is? I commented on a post a few months ago saying I would be happy having an only one and it was the right choice for me but I just can't stop the feeling that I would like another baby. I think during lockdown I felt happy in my bubble with my little girl and it felt like she was all I needed, not in an unhealthy way we just spent lots of quality time together because of the circumstances.
And then she started nursery and we have started going to toddler groups. And the exciting thing is she is becoming her own person, confident and outgoing which is so good to see. But I see her growing up and I just feel this baby shaped hole. At a group a lady had a 4 month old and she was saying about giving her a bath in the middle of the day and I just thought I want a baby again. Sounds a bit random but just the little activities they do now I want to do again. Obviously so much to enjoy with my little girl who is 2 and a half but I want to get my Lamaze toys out again and do all the stages again but not be so ill the next time. There are just no guarantees. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble
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Marshman
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Hi Marshman, I had pp in 2016 and my daughter is now just over five. I can completely relate to the way you are feeling, these milestones do provoke a reflection in myself and I have to admit I haven’t completely closed the door on a second child, it’s a hard decision to make peace with.
I had pre conception counselling after asking from a referral from my gp probably when my daughter was around three. Personally I didn’t find it reassuring, my nhs trust was under resourced and it was quite a negative meeting owning to the fact that other than medication they couldn’t offer much support except crisis management if a crisis occurred. They also referred a lot to my illness and how ill I am which I found very negative. I had never had any mental illness prior to the birth of my little girl and we decided that the stakes were too high at that moment in time. About a year ago I began tapering off my lithium following some consultations with a private psychiatrist and as part of this process she was very keen to understand my position on further pregnancies she has been excellent with this process and even though I have been quite sure of not wanting a subsequent pregnancy all of her advice and support plans she would propose seem a more balanced approach. I think that it would be totally worth making an apt to understand your options and perhaps seek a second opinion if you are able so you can make an informed decision about your options. Good luck x
I can relate to the feeling you mention, of yearning for the early months as your toddler is growing. It is so many things to put on the scale and analyse, isn't it?
Preconception counselling was useful for me, there is no need to go to the meeting with an idea already in your head, in fact I think it is more useful to arrive to it with a head open to the alternatives. And don't feel the need to be convinced one way or another after the meeting, file it away as another piece of information to mull over later.
It is also important to arrive to a decision in consultation with your partner. In the runup to the birth of our second baby I tried to involve my husband as much as I could, such that he would feel reassured about what support was in place. I always remember that at my most accute illness I have some memory blanks but he was there all along and has clear recollections of it.
Take good care, hope that your local community perinatal team will be able to help you
Hello Marshman,Yes! To everything you have said. Goodness I can relate so much.
I had PP back in 2016. Then latterly went for pre conception counselling a few years later. It was an invaluable thing to do for both me and my husband.
I had a review appointment with the lead Psychiatrist for the Specialist Perinatal Mental Health Team in our local area. Our hope was to get advice on any future potential pregnancies to help avoid another experience of Postpartum Psychosis. We had no idea if we did want to try for more children, we just wanted to have all the knowledge we could.
I’m relieved to say that that initial appointment went really well. My hope of seeing a specialist, as the team name suggests, was realised. Not only that but we both felt we’d met a goodie, a good guy, a compassionate, good listening and knowledgeable doctor.
We had chance to talk through my history, my pregnancy, labour, the first hours, coming home, A&E, Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) admissions, ultimate discharge to a specialist Perinatal mental health team, rather than a community team I experienced the first time... the list goes on.
We talked about our wider families, the impact future pregnancies could have on our loved ones, medication, care plans, trauma therapy, counselling. Again, the list goes on.
The word to take away from this ramble is reassurance. To know that should we decide to have another baby, that the support and expertise are there is amazing. That given the right care plan, my risk of reoccurrence (50%) was minimised as much as is feasibly possible.
That was back in 2019, and we’re extremely fortunate to have since gone on to have a second baby.
I had ALL the support around me. At times it felt overwhelming, but I just embraced the support. Luckily with medication and a short hospital stay I avoided PP the second time. It was hard, very hard at times, but in my own experience, having a second baby doesn’t mean everything will be the same the second time around.
Wanted to just share some of my journey to give some hope. My PP was 1988 and quite a trauma. My marriage ended and I did remarry 7 years later having said I would never be able to have a baby again or get married again. The pre conception counselling was very helpful but this was 1995 and I know things have changed. I liaised with the three specialists at the time who offered Lithium, Oestrogen or Progesterone therapy after delivery. I opted for Progesterone as that was the only was deemed safe enough for breast feeding. This is not an option nowadays but what I have come to understand is that the support package set in place in readiness was perhaps all that I needed. My mum moved in for two weeks and her objective was that I feed the baby, Mum made all the meals, did all the housework and made it possible for me to sleep whenever I could. We had checked out a mother and baby unit in Basingstoke just in case. I had excellent midwife and GP support and amazingly enough i was able to contact the same midwife who had been with me in 1988 and she was the first to identify PP. Anyhow, the post natal period was absolutely lovely and such a contrast to 1988 so I decided to have another baby! I did follow the same therapy as before and gave birth to my third daughter in 1999. The two births were by epidural which was advised to take away the trauma of my first birth. The same plan was in place and again I was able to rest completely and be cared for for the two weeks. I do hope this is of some help to you and if you want to know anything further then please so ask. Kind regards, Helen x
And I understand the epidural thing 100% as I asked for one with my daughter and was told no it's too late only to end up being given one in theatre when they couldn't stitch me/stop the bleeding on the ward. Might not have ended up in theatre if I'd had the epidural when I asked for it. I suppose that is the thing you learn from PPP even though it's a harsh learning curve xx
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