I never thought I would be stigmatized by my medical professional for having had postpartum psychosis. I had a homebirth here in the United States for my second baby, and 5 months postpartum became very unwell with postpartum psychosis. My husband didn’t know what to do or what was wrong with me so he called my homebirth midwife. She arrived on the scene and decided to transport me to the hospital herself while I was in psychosis and I tried to pull her car off of the road I guess. She then called an ambulance on the side of the road. I have recovered now and reached out to her for a routine check because I have been having some period problems and she dismissed me as a patient due to her having “PTSD from the experience with me”.
I guess I understand in a way, but I also have hurt feelings in the sense that I had no idea what was going on at all in psychosis and I feel like it’s being held against me. I would think that a midwife would be trained to recognize postpartum psychosis as a crisis, a medical emergency, and a mental illness. I have recovered and just trying to move on with my life. I loved my midwife. She helped my family so much. So sad I can’t see her anymore because of my psychosis. Feels like punishment. I’m just the “crazy” patient.
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girlmama2
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Hey girlmama2. So sorry that you had to go through PP.
But congratulations on becoming a mother again!
I can feel your pain.
My OB/GYN “dumped”me as well in a way, as she was in my psychosis a lot, she was one of the targets of my delusions, and actually she visited me in mental health hospital, so obviously she had all kind of information to realise that PP is a medical emergency and my behaviour was explained by PP.
Yet as a gynaecological patient i was transferred to her colleagues. There was no oficial notification like in your case, but my female hospital is a relatively small private institution, and usually doctors just come by for a consultation or consilium upon request easily, like she is in a room next door, but it looks like there is some kind of knowledge among her colleagues that she just doesn’t want to deal with me anymore ever.
It’s 2 years since my PP. Now i’m having a complication with my stitches, and it would be so natural to get an appointment with her, as she was the person who made those stitches, yet my GP keeps scheduling me to another doctor.
And i also felt attached to my OBGYN because she helped to give birth to my baby. And because i feel so sorry for what happened during PP, it would be so precious for me to know that she is not angry with me or that she doesn’t consider me to be a forever-crazy-person. But it looks like it’s not an option:
I texted her on my baby’s 2nd birthday, it was a small “thank you” postcard- a photo collage of how my baby looked like just when she was born ( a photo taken by this obgyn, actually, just 5 min after birth) and how my baby has grown over 2 years. and she just didn’t text back.
And a week later i saw on facebook my friend’s post about her daughter’s 2nd birthday (we were pregnant at the same time and she also had this OBGYN), and OBGYN liked this post and commented “congratulations”!
So I’m just the “crazy”patient who should keep my “thank you” to
myself, and “congratulations” is for normal patients, who were not so unlucky as to get PP.
That’s why i think PP is a very unfair disease, i mean any mental health problem is unfair and unfortunate, but PP has this out-of-the-blue component. And it still feels like you failed those people around you by being acutely psychotic, although we were just unwell and couldn’t control ourselves.
I hate this stigma and i hate the way your midwife dumped you, because she is a medical person. But it’s still very common for stigma to prevail.
May i give you a big “crazy” PP survivor to PP survivor hug!
Gladly accepting your wonderful pp survivor hug ♥️ That is so unfair and I am so sorry that happened to you as well. It really does hurt. Happy you are recovered and doing well. Hugs to you.
Hello GirlMama2 And congratulations on the birth of your second baby.
So sorry to hear that you too have suffered PP. It’s a lot to recover from isn’t it, and such a trauma to go through. I had it myself back in 2016 after the birth of my first baby.
I’m so sorry to hear that you feel dumped as you described by a health professional, who you’d got such a bond with, and who you felt you could most likely rely on and trust. You must feel very saddened about this and hurt.
PP is an awful illness for us to go through, and it can also be a trauma for people supporting you as well. I know my family, were hugely shocked and impacted. Clearly the midwife, may have been left traumatised themselves as you describe. But I really do wonder if things could have been better handled by them, maybe a little more sensitively with you, so that you’d not have been left feeling as you do. I’m really sorry that has happened.
I had my second baby a year ago, and when looking to choose a hospital to have our baby at, I had an awful experience with a midwife who had sadly very little understanding of PP and didn’t really know what it was, or what it meant for me in my pregnancy. Because of that, I moved hospitals and thankfully was lucky to have a much much better experience.
I’m so glad there are organisations like Action on Postpartum Psychosis who offer training to professionals about this illness. I wonder if the organisation in America do the same? Have you had any contact with Postpartum Support International at all?
This is their website which it might be handy to take a look at if you haven’t already.
Once again, I am so sorry you’ve had this experience. Sending my best wishes to you and your family. Hope in time, you can heal and find some peace with how you’re feeling.
Rachel, thank you so much for your support! So sorry you went through PP as well. I definitely think things could have been handled better by her. I reached out to her superior, the midwife who owns the homebirth practice she works at and she has agreed to take me on as a client, happily because she is more experienced. My old midwife did express that she has never came across postpartum psychosis before, and there is little knowledge or training about it here in the US. The organization here is supposed to have an online zoom meeting that I tried attending and the link doesn’t even work. I tried to email them no response. But I’m very happy I found this forum, I wish APP was in the U.S. too.
Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I really hope you manage to connect with them sometime.
I really hope that in time education improves on PP and all things mental health. I guess the world will never stop learning will it. It just needs to play catch up on mental health. We’ll get there.
But thankfully this forum is here for everyone. We’re all kindred spirits having been through what we have. This forum was such a huge help to me and my family. I hope you find that too.
Hi girlmama2 - I'm really sorry to hear that you have had no response from Peer Support International so far. I had a look at their page on PP and wondered if it would be helpful for you to have the contact details of their postpartum psychosis support coordinators. I do hope you get a response, as it can be so helpful to connect with other mums who are in your home country. Please let us know as we have some contacts at PSI so we can give a nudge if needed!
Gina Gerdin
617-918-7659 (call or text) | ginagerdinpsi@gmail.com
Amber Pyles
281-231-8593 (call or text) | psi.amber.pyles@gmail.com
Felice Reddy
919-213-0537 (call or text) | felicereddyphd@gmail.com
Welcome to the forum and congratulations on the birth of your second baby. It’s such a shame that the gift of a child should be tarnished by the awful trauma of PP. I had PP twice many years ago and it was very stressful for everyone.
I’m not sure what procedure should be followed in the USA but perhaps the midwife regrets not calling an ambulance when she saw you at home? Is it possible you could write her a little note, thanking her for helping your family so much and reacting to your psychosis with your best interests at heart? Hopefully she might reply and begin communicating with you. In the interim, I hope you have managed to seek help for the problem she did not acknowledge.
Sadly there are mums for whom help came too late and we are lucky to be survivors of our ‘crazy’ days. So wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home with family and take care.
Lilybeth,You are right, it is comfort that I got help before it was too late. Very grateful for that. I did reach out to my midwives superior who owns the practice that she is a homebirth midwife at and she has agreed to take me on as a client happily. She expressed that she believes my former midwife is not experienced enough to take care of me and put her and I in a potentially dangerous situation by not calling at ambulance at my house. I am happy I get to stay in their practice. But still so sad about everything that happened. I just have to forgive myself, I had no control over what I did in psychosis. So sorry you experienced pp too. Thank you for your support.
Thank you so much girlmama2 for taking time to reply. It was a potentially dangerous situation and I hope the owner of the practice will put training in place so her staff realise that, in an emergency, an ambulance must be called.
It’s good that you now have support from your former midwife’s superior who is taking you on as a client. I think it’s important for you to have good care and reviews.
I carried so much guilt and shame for years until I found APP and the forum. There was so much support with other mums telling me it wasn’t my fault and I had no choice when PP hit. So I hope I can reassure you that we had no control over what happened to us. There are self-compassion exercises on YouTube which might be helpful to show yourself kindness.
Sending a virtual hug across the miles ❤️. Stay safe and take care. We are all here for each other.
I am so unbelievably sorry that this has happened to you. I just wanted to start of by saying that you are a brave and strong woman, and Mama. Secondly, as much as this pains me to say. I as well experienced major stigma and rejection, even when both mentally and physically ill from a former midwife.
It saddened me, and, now four years later. And three beautiful, and healthy babies; makes me so unbelievably… well angry at our health care system.
I know that many, including myself, had no idea what I was experiencing (especially, the fact that it was my first pregnancy. But, overall and two births later; was medically labelled as severe preeclampsia, possible hellp syndrome with a comorbidity of severe anxiety and panic attacks (pre and post birth) resulting also in a brief psychotic episode.
In tune, for many years I blamed myself. Now with much therapy, medication and an ongoing perinatal support network… I realized that us woman and Mamas go through complex medical experiences to grow, and birth our littles.
In all honesty, I am proud of all us Mamas, woman and so fourth.
So I just wanted to say YOU ARE NOT ALONE, this is NOT your fault (regardless of the circumstances) and you are doing a great job!
If you have a chance down the road, please (not sure where you exactly located) I am all the way in Canada. But maybe, you too can find more of a perinatal team to assist your needs. Unfortunately for me, I had to go through all of that to find mine. But please know there are professionals out there, and if you keep searching you will in time, find yours.
I believe we could all collectively write a book about "unreasonable behaviour" subsequently leading to additional trauma.
It is good to hug each other at least virtually and find consolation and recognition that it is not our fault.
I like Lilybeth idea in sending a message to your former midwife. I am pleased that you were able to communicate with lead-midwife of practise. This may help with "closure".
Forgiveness and closure, but also grief is part of our emotional processing. I never experienced anger throughout recovery, but definitively shown uncontrolled aggression when in acute illness. Staff just did not know about PPP and did not know how to restrain and just put me into isolation without gynaecological support!
I found closure once I was able to contribute voluntarily to the new built of a mother and baby unit, because of my lived experience. When the new-built was finished I walked around it with the support of a dear friend. I experienced flashbacks, because of exposure to a hospital environment. Yet, it was so comforting knowing that this facility would be most suitable for mums and babies. Now mother and baby units are more widely spread in the UK. At the time when I was poorly there was no MBU in my area.
I do not feel anger towards the individuals, despite negligence and physical abuse, subsequently rejecting me as a individual and not showing humanism. Quite often professionals were afraid in how to deal with me as they had no coping mechanisms. Other patients had much more understanding, once my partner explained about my circumstances.
Wishing you well and congratulation on the birth of your baby. Sending you much love x
I am so sorry to hear you experienced pp and also about the rejection from your former midwife, gosh how tactless.
I agree with the comments from other mums that she was probably not even aware of pp as an illness for her to decide to drive you to the hospital herself, but you made it through thankfully and luckily.
I had pp 3 years ago and it also came out of the blue for me, I had never heard of it until I received my diagnosis. It is such a big trauma for the mum and the family. And as Lilybeth says above it can be associated with feelings of shame and guilt due to the stigma attached to it, and upfront comments like the one your midwife made do really layer on the shame. But nothing is further from the thruth, what happened to you and to many of the mums on this forum was not your fault or anyone else's. Please always remember that. You are a brave and strong mum and so understanding and empathetic that I am sure you are raising an amazing family.
I am sending you a virtual hug and lots of support from a distance, and I am glad that the lead midwife has stepped up to the plate and taken you now as a patient.
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