Libido kind of problem: Hello there! So... - Action on Postpar...

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Libido kind of problem

GeorgeKol profile image

Hello there!

So apparently my wife has issues with her libido.

She never had issues with these kind of things. She was sexually active (wish she was a bit more 😂) and she was enjoying her sexuality. We never had problems with our sex life.

So after she gave birth with c section she had her recovery time and when time passed she was on her way back to where we left our sex life. The ppp happened and inevitably changed everything. She is over a year now fro her first episode. We are having sex for some months now again. But from the start (which is kinda ok regarding the ppp) she couldn’t enjoy it. She wanted it but she couldn’t let go and enjoy it. Also she can’t get to orgasm which she never had problem with and this get’s to her a lot.

We have made a lot of talking and trying different things and changing some others but nothings seems ti really help her.

She describes it as “ i want to have sex and orgasm because i know i will feel nice but i feel i’m not up for it. I just don’t feel horny.” (Excuse me for the language) She has also said to me that when she thinks about having sex she sometimes back off because she thinks that she won’t have an orgasm and won’t enjoy it all that much. So sometimes she won’t even try.

I know and she knows that partially this is kinda normal things that may happen after ppp and it’s rooted to the illness itself and the drugs. She also has talked with her psychiatrist about it but she herd nothing that made her feel better.

We talked last night again about it and i proposed that she come to the group and ask women who had the same experience as her but she is shy about it so i ask for her.

Does any of you had the same issues after ppp? How did you overcome it? Is it going to get better after quitting the meds? How long did it take?

Any advise and guidance will be very helpful.

And also if any husband reads this i could use some advise too!

Thanks a lot from both of us!

George and Sofia

17 Replies
Jenny_at_APP profile image
Jenny_at_APPAdministrator

Hi George,

If your wife is on antipsychotic medication I think this is a pretty common side effect. Please reassure her it’ll get better with time and not to worry. Side effects resolve quite quickly once off medication I think. In the meantime it’s great you’re talking about things openly together, that can only be a good thing. Take care of each other.

Best wishes,

Jenny

EmiMum profile image
EmiMumVolunteer

Hi George,

Was just going to say the same thing as Jenny, it is common while taking antipsychotic medication.

When she is off it, she will feel much better, rest assured.

Merry_cherry profile image
Merry_cherryVolunteer

Hello, GeorgeKol!

Sorry to hear your wife had PP. I too had PP few years ago after having my first baby. It did seem like it's changed everything and there were lots of things to deal with and just like you we also had worries about our sex life. Like your wife I didn't feel quite the same about sex as before. My husband got worried I wouldn't enjoy it anymore and that kind of put extra pressure on me to "fix" myself which didn't help so we just decided to take some time with it. We guessed it could be partly down to medication but also all the changes a baby brings. Eventually I started feeling better and more like my old self. And then it just went to being like it was before. I don't think I can offer any advice as such just that it can take some time but it will get better

😊

Jenny, Emi and Merry that was our guess too. That medication is the reason for it. We just wanted to hear from someone else to just to be sure. I think this will help my wife feel a little better about it. She was starting to worry that she lost it for good. As for me, i am deep in the patience trip with everything so i don’t mind to much about it. I’ll just wait it to pass. I think she is in a good path already and i hope she is close from quitting the meds.

Thank you for your input!

Cheers!

EmiMum profile image
EmiMumVolunteer in reply to GeorgeKol

Hi George,

Indeed, it is temporary, 2 years ago I felt like your wife does, thinking the pleasure was gone for good and this was my new life. Antipsychotic medication does have a flattening effect on every aspect of life, that's the unfortunate side effect. Fast forward to some months down the line and it was as if the cotton wool that was dampening everything was gone. Now, I can say I am not only back to myself, I am much happier than I was before as little ones tend to have that effect.

Take care you both, I am so pleased to hear that the medication is going to be reduced soon, you are doing so well

Husband here...😊Patent and time,we are under process reducing medication and things got better.

We not there yet but improving little by little.

Hope it helps a bit to you.

Because both in this situation we deserve some nice time together

Hi there

This is really difficult. Was/is Sofia on antipscychotics? If so that would explain the lower libido. The antipscyotics block all the good stuff in life by blocking dopamine receptors. Maybe if she gets off them, after a long enough period things will go back to normal because the dopamine system will restore itself naturally. Exercise helps apparently.

This happened me and I'm still waiting... but hopefully some day I will go back to the old me. It really affects your confidence.

Best of luck!

GeorgeKol profile image
GeorgeKol in reply to Emero

Hi Emero.

Yes she is on antipsychotics currently on lower dosages and gradually her doctor lowers the dosages even more. She is in the road of getting off the meds.

Hope as she gets off the meds she will start feeling it again.

Thanks a lot!

Emero profile image
Emero in reply to Emero

Ps, I'm single so you can imagine how hard it is to try explain to a new boyfriend why i've little interest in sex. It really puts you on the back foot and my self esteem is so much lower than it used to be. Can't expect any guy to believe me or understand when they didn't know me before. I was on a very high dose of Olanzapine though (17.5) hopefully Sofias dose wasn't so high and she can get off them ASAP, if not already. They are toxic and suppress all the good stuff in life. It's encouraging to hear ppl say you can get back to normal

GeorgeKol profile image
GeorgeKol in reply to Emero

Hope you get there soon!

I worried about this a lot having suffered with PP and then severe depression. I went from being on antipsychotics to antidepressants and as I'm sure you know it takes a long time to wean off of them safely. I was concerned my drive would never come back and I felt bad for my husband as I was not interested in intimacy at all. In the back of my mind there was also the pressure that people had said once you are off the meds it will return. I worried it wouldn't and it would in turn affect our relationship further. I think the best thing my husband did was just allow me to approach him and continue to say there is no pressure. Nearly 2 years down the line I am just off medication and although that brings unpredictable emotions with it, I am starting to feel a bit more like myself and have the faith that with more time I will get my confidence back and my drive. I hope your wife is able to find some reassurance and in the mean time just focus on using the time to heal and be kind to herself.

GeorgeKol profile image
GeorgeKol in reply to Jlou84

The worst thing about ppp is that everything need time to get back to normal.

But knowing that eventually will get back to normal sets the direction.

Hope you get back and that it’ll be even better!

Hello

I share this frustration. I think for most women, libido varies with the monthly cycle. It might be worth your wife tracking her cycle (there are loads of apps) and seeing if this is a factor for her. Maybe the hormones are chemicals working in favour of intimacy, unlike the other meds.

Hi there! Thank you for bringing up this sensitive and extremely important topic!

Actually I started to worry myself as i lost my orgasms and i used to be good at it. I wish i could say that it gets better after quitting antipsychotics...but i didn’t see any change yet, and i’ve been off Abilify for more than half a year.

But i just talked to my psychiatrist about it last week and she said that along with the factor of meds it just takes time, about 2 years, for the dopamine system to bounce back to normal functioning after PP.

I also think that it might partly be the case after being pregnant, maybe the womb is somehow different after pregnancy and maybe it’s less sensitive. I myself will start the course on “yoni yoga” , it’s like kegel gymnastics but less boring.

also my therapist gave a funny advice that to reastablish connection with my body in general, i should gently nourish myself with body milk for 15 minutes every day, carefully looking out for all the new sensations on my skin and that it will help build new dopamine roots and kick start the process of extracting pleasure from my body and re-wire the brain.

anyway good luck to all of us on our journey to the land of pleasure !

GeorgeKol profile image
GeorgeKol in reply to Varvarita

It’s nice trying new things. Hopefully you’ll find something that works for you. I think that as the spring and summer comes, things will get a lot better. This time of year always get better!

Pikorua profile image
PikoruaVolunteer

Hi GeorgeKol,

plenty of good advice from all forum members.

I was very poorly with PPP in 2010 and weaning off some very heavy traditional drugs took one year.

Yet, just for raising awareness and educational purpose, despite PPP and antipsychotics the above mentioned experiences never applied to me, - I did not know at the time that I have had an underlying chronical mental health issue. In many cases of Bipolar 1/2 and especially when hyper-manic/mania, libido can be increased. :-)

Wishing you a happy and healthy life together, you and your wife. It all will fall into place again. x

GeorgeKol profile image
GeorgeKol in reply to Pikorua

I hope it does. Any more so i hope we will end up better. Sometimes when you are obliged to discover things from scratch, you have the opportunity to just make it better. I hope..

wishing well to you too!

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