2nd pregnancy 5 years later after hav... - Action on Postpar...

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2nd pregnancy 5 years later after having PP

Butterfly93 profile image

Good morning ladies just wanted some reassurance

I recently found out that I’m pregnant 🤰🏽

Tbh I wasn’t shocked about it and it was planned. However me and dear husband, decided to tell his parents last night. Tbh I didn’t expect the response we received. Firstly I know they are afraid especially with what’s going on around the world, however it was more so the fear of me becoming unwell again after birth ! They really empathised one this which made me quite uncomfortable. There was no congratulations, it was more so how you guys going to manage? Have you thought it through etc . Luckily I held my mouth and allowed my Dh to do most of the talking, as I was in quite upset with how they responded. Don’t get me wrong I get it their worried but at the end of the day it’s our life. We didn’t just wake up and say let’s get pregnant, we have thought this through I’ve been to countless of meetings and appointments with professionals who have given reassurance that I will supported and guided throughout this pregnancy. Lastly if all goes well I might not even develop PP the 2nd time round again I pray I don’t and I’m

Willing to do what ever it takes to look after my mental health.

If anybody has any advice please share

Thank you xxx

38 Replies
EmiMum profile image

Hi Butterfly93, congratulations to both of you on your pregnancy. I am sorry about the reaction you received when telling the news to your inlaws. I just want to say that bear in mind that in the times we live in people are experiencing a higher level of stress than normal, and their reactions may be more extreme than in other circumstances.

In this forum you will find plenty of threads on second pregnancy. And many mums I am sure will share their advice here. I only have my one for the moment so can't add anything of much real value, been thinking about it though ;)

Take good care of yourself keep healthy and happy enjoying your soon to be larger family.

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to EmiMum

Thank you so much hun ! I appreciate that. That’s true I’ll try not to take it so personal I was so upset last night 😩

I love this forum ! I will definitely look after myself and try not to stress xx

Thanks again for responding

Wishing you the best too stay safe !

Lilybeth profile image

Hello Butterfly93

Good to hear from you ...... congratulations on your pregnancy :) I'm sorry you were upset with the reaction of your in-laws.

I've replied in the past on your previous threads so you might know that I had a second pregnancy with a gap of six years. My parents' reaction was much the same, they were very unhappy. I think this is because when we are in the grip of PP we don't realise how ill we are but our family can see the change and need to find support for us. From reading my notes I was a completely different person!

I think if you can reassure your in-laws that you have taken professional advice and have a plan in place it would be helpful. There are also mums on the forum for whom PP did not return in subsequent pregnancies so try to think positively. Are you still taking Aripiprazole medication as mentioned in your previous thread?

The gift of a baby is precious, as is your mental health, so take good care of yourself. With the restrictions at the moment I imagine you will have reviews over the phone? Try to rest as much as you can ... we are all here to listen.

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Lilybeth

Hey Lilybeth, good to hear from you again hun !

Thank you so much 😊 that’s okay 👌🏾

Yes I remember you you replying in the past ! My gap will be end up being 6 years too if goes well . The thing is Lilybeth we did give that reassurance about the perinatal team we literally spoke for about 1.5 hours but I guess they are just very much afraid 😟. Yes I am still taking aripirizole 5mg daily basis, resting as much I can since I am quite tired being in the first trimester .

Yes so far most of my appointments have been done over the phone. Xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer in reply to Butterfly93

Thanks for replying Butterfly93 ..... It's good that you're resting as much as you can, hopefully in the good weather at the moment.

I hope your in-laws will eventually come round to realising that you and your DH need their support, although in a way it shows how much they care about you :) I'm sure your daughter will be so excited when you feel ready to tell her.

Keep leaning on your care team ... from a distance! We are all here too. 🌹

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Lilybeth

Thank you for reaching out hun !

I hope so too. My daughter will be over the moon ! I will do XX stay safe

KatG profile image

Dear Butterfly93 - huge congratulations to you both! That’s such lovely news, which I think we need now more than ever. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things in terms of involving professionals and planning for all the different risks etc. Also it sounds like your DH is great at dealing with his parents and their response.

The main thing is for you to enjoy the pregnancy and keep healthy and well. Perhaps your in-laws just need a little time to wrap their heads around it all. They might even benefit themselves from reading the “planning a second pregnancy” resource from APP?

As someone who has been struggling and failing to conceive a second pregnancy, I just wish you all the best. Please use the forum as much as you like, for support and positivity and practical advice!

Kat x

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to KatG

Hi Kat! Thank you so much hun 🤗

Indeed tell me about it ! I thank his for my DH honestly I’ll be lost without him.

So far I am enjoying this pregnancy 🤰🏽 and can’t wait to tell my daughter once I start showing 😊 tbh I don’t think my in-laws will be interested in reading anything 😟 nevertheless I will keep myself POSITIVE no matter what !

I hope and pray you get your BFP xx

Teresa_K_S profile image

Hi Butterfly93

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Sorry your lovely news wasn't well received. I had the same reaction from my parents and it is so upsetting. My parents were worried but after a few weeks they came around to it. Your in laws probably just need a bit of time to take it in. Maybe your husband can speak to them again at a later date to let them know how important it will be to you both to have their support. I'm sure they will get excited at the prospect of another little grandchild.

I had a 7 year gap between my first and second. Then a 3 year gap between my 2nd and 3rd. Again news of my third pregnancy went down like a lead balloon with my parents! However I didn't have PP the 2nd or 3rd time. I did have a dip in mood and struggled with sleep post birth at around 6wks and 9wks respectively. As I was under a consultant and cpn I quickly had medications changes and then I was much better. I put my remaining well down to a combination of meds and lots of support from family and friends.

Wishing you well and I hope you can enjoy your pregnancy

Teresa x

Hey T , gosh I miss you ! I wanted to tell you sooner but at the same I wasn’t sure.

Thank you so much hun , it hurts doesn’t it I’ll defo tell my husband to speak to them again later on as things develop. The gap will roughly be about 6years between my daughter if all goes well.

Ohh I’m happy for you hun that’s good ! I pray I stay healthy and well throughout and postnatal especially xx

Thanks T

Teresa_K_S profile image
Teresa_K_SVolunteer in reply to Butterfly93

Hi Butterfly93,

That's lovely thank you. Your little girl will be so excited in weeks to come. She will get to play big sister helping to do everything!. I never forget the photos of my eldest being 7 at the time and holding his little sister on the first few occasions. A complete look of shell shock in his face. Haha. Its a real joy to watch them grow up with such closeness.

Sounds like you have plans in place for your care and I'm glad you have support albeit with telephone appointments at the moment. Do take care of yourself during these times. I find lockdown hard and can only imagine what its like with a little one. Going out and about used to be my lifeline when mine were small so I do think its really stressful for mums just now

Look after yourself

T x

Hey T, my little will be over the moon ! It something she’s always wished for 💛

I sure do have plans in place my dear, lockdown isn’t it easy but thank god we have a garden ! Otherwise I would have lost my marbles by now lol, my daughter is so active doesn’t miss a day out in the garden come rain or shine she has her coat lol and on that scooter 🛴 lol

Will do hun

You take care too xx

Hi Butterfly93,

I just wanted to add to all the comments. Firstly congratulations, what wonderful positive news amidst these strange times!

I just wanted to add that you have been really brave planning a second pregnancy and and I’m sorry you have been met with trepidation from your in-laws.

Enjoy what is an amazing time and look after yourself and take time for yourself if you can.

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Nicolaba

Hey Nicolaba,

Thank you so much hun ! I appreciate that 😊

Yes it was a brave decision but I’m ready.

Will do hun, taking each day as it goes past xx

Jenny_at_APP profile image

Hi Butterfly93

Congratulations on your pregnancy, lovely news :)

I had PP after my first son was born but stayed well after my second. I agonised so much over the decision to try for a second child, I’d have been gutted to get that reaction too. When it’s taken so long to come to a decision and be happy yourself you expect everyone else to be on the same page don’t you! And I’m sure your in-laws will be, give them a bit of time :) I’m sure they are just anxious and they wouldn’t worry if they didn’t care.

I hope you’re feeling ok, it’s great you’ve got good plans in place and we’re here to support and share experience if it helps so do keep in touch as much as you want to.

Look after yourself.

Jenny x

Hi Jenny

Thank you so much hun !

I appreciate that , I’m glad you stayed well with your second .

I’m feeling much better today, In fact I’ve got a perinatal appointment on Friday.

Will do xx

Pikorua profile image

Dearest Butterfly93,

wishing you well and congratulation on your pregnancy.


Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Pikorua

Thanks hun xx

Ellie_at_APP profile image

Hi Butterfly93

HUGE congratulations! I'm sorry though that you had to experience your in-laws reaction, and that it was really upsetting :( ... you've received such great support from others who have had similar experience here, so I hope that helps that you don't feel alone. It sounds like you have some great support and plans etc.

I hope that you are coping OK as well during this lockdown etc, it's strange times isn't it? Do know too there's lots of info on our website about the pandemic, including about being pregnant and at risk of PP during this time. app-network.org/…/postpartu...

Take care,

Ellie XX

Hi Elle

Awwwww thanks hun I appreciate that! Tell me about it.

I am doing well thanks during this time just trying to keep myself busy xx

Lilybeth profile image

Hi Butterfly93

I hope your perinatal appointment goes well tomorrow ..... strange but exciting times!! Take care.

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Lilybeth

Awww thanks Lilybeth xx

Lilybeth profile image

I'll be thinking of you Butterfly93 xx

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Lilybeth

Awwww you’re too kind I’ll keep you posted tomorrow xx

Hi there Butterfly93. Congratulations that’s amazing. Thank you for sharing. My husband and I are also talking about starting to plan baby number 2. So it’s great to hear from you. I think sometimes people don’t realise how much their words hurt others or lack of the right words even. I’m sure if you expressed how it made you feel they will apologize and tell you that they didn’t mean to upset you.

Parents do worry too much. My mum and dad often lose sleep over worrying about me they say.

On a positive note, I think you are amazing and brave and I’m sure like many others you will not experience PP this time round. And if by any chance you do, family and doctors and even yourself will get through it just like last time. But this time a little easier maybe as you’ve been there before. Plus doctors will support you from now and family will look out for signs and recognize them.

Try not to let your in laws bring you down emotionally. If you can please have a good chat with them about it.

I’d like to follow your story if you can keep us updated on this thread at any point for your second pregnancy and birth etc.

All the best and well done for reaching out xxx

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Ginanagy

Hey Ginanagy, thanks for reaching out to me hun ! Thank you 🤗

OMG how exciting, it takes a lot of bravery planning baby no 2

I’ll defo try keep you updated hun, let you know how I conquer this journey xx

Thank you once again for your kind words I appreciate that so much

Hi Butterfly93, thank you for your reply. You sound Great ❤️

Wishing and praying for the best for you. Love your positivity and look forward to hearing how you get on. Enjoy! 😊 x

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to Ginanagy

Awwww you welcome hun !

I appreciate that 🥰

I’ve been praying too everyday , thank you once again take care stay safe 💛

Hi I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my second and had pp 6 years ago. Our family have been happy but are concerned, obviously. Do they know that you will get more support this time and it will be picked up better? Congratulations by they way.

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to linzi686

Congratulations hun ! I’m 8 weeks pregnant, yes we explained all of that to them hun .

Thank you !

linzi686 profile image
linzi686 in reply to Butterfly93

How are you feeling? I have really bad anxiety at the moment and I'm constantly doubting myself thinking I'm become ill, which I know I'm not but it's not nice

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to linzi686

I’m feeling positive hun ! I’ve been taking a lot of naps too which relax my mind my prevent me from overthinking. I go for walks when possible, I actually feel better this time round hopefully it continues. Have you spoken to your pertinatal team about your anxiety or you’re partner ?

linzi686 profile image
linzi686 in reply to Butterfly93

Yes I've told my partner and family, I need to ring my. Doctors so they can refer me to the perinatal team. I'm glad your feeling positive, I'm sure everything will be fine this time. Its so nice to talk to someone in a simlar situation to me. Feel free to add me. On Facebook and we can check in on each other x

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to linzi686

Wishing you all the best hun! Likewise it’s nice, unfortunately I’m

Not on Facebook but I’m on instagram beautifulxspiritx

That will be nice to keep in contact see how we get along . Have you had any contact with your midwife ?

linzi686 profile image
linzi686 in reply to Butterfly93

I'm ohnomummysmad ( I did a blog on pp a while back and this was the name, hope it doesn't offend) yes I had my bloods done on Monday.

Butterfly93 profile image
Butterfly93 in reply to linzi686

Don’t find it offensive at all hun lol ! Ohh really I’m seeing my midwife for the first time on Friday x

Sally_at_APP profile image

Hi Butterfly93 and linzi686,

Congratulation's on both of your pregnancies. I am glad you have found each on the forum and you can talk about your experiences. It is great you are both thinking about your mental health and thinking about the support in place to help you both through.

Do take care and keep us updated,

Sally xx

Awww thanks Sally !

I appreciate that

Will definitely keep you updated take care stay safe xx

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