My Intrusive thoughts are back and in... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis
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My Intrusive thoughts are back and in FULL FORCE


So my beautiful twin boys will be turning 2 by the end of this month. I’ve been dealing with PPD and PPA for about two years now and the past two weeks have been hell for me. For starters, I was doing okay, other than being being depressed (not happy with how I look, work, etc). I believe what triggered my last episode was the sudden death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter and other fellow passengers... it just goes to show that literally anyone can lose a child (or so I thought). Well since then my intrusive thoughts are back but they are different this time around. And I’m terrified. I had a psychiatrist, but I had an AWFUL experience and the medicine that they prescribed me didn’t necessarily work but had lots of side effects. I talked to my PCP about it what has been going on and I ended up being banker acted ( EVEN THOUGH I DROVE MYSELF THERE). Not to mention it made me even worse because the experience was just awful and I was away my babies for 6 days. I just feel like I’m out of options, I’ve talked to my spouse about it, but just like me he is over it. He has done so much as well as my family... I just feel so bad because I’m harming everyone. I just want these horrible thoughts to just stop, but they are just so loud. Had anyone tried vitamins, that helped with their anxiety? Please help, and God Bless.

7 Replies

Hi Ngarciaaa

I'm so sorry you are struggling so much and recent news events has triggered your intrusive thoughts. You will come through this and get better. I really hope you can find the right professional support. Do you think you can access any therapy?

I'm not sure if you live in the UK or not? We are a UK charity, so we know mostly about resources etc we can signpost you to in the UK. I don't know what diagnosis you have been given in the past? OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is often linked to intrusive thoughts, and I wonder if this is what might be happening for you? But I'm not sure if you've ever been given that diagnosis or not. There is a UK charity that has a lot of information about it:

You also might find it helpful to watch this youtube video, about understanding intrusive thoughts. Other users of this forum have said they've found it helpful :

This forum is for women who had a psychotic episode after having their babies. I'm not sure if this is what you experienced? If not, this probably isn't the best forum to access for support, and you may find better support elsewhere. Let me know, and I can signpost you to other organisations that can support you.

Do take care, you are going to come through this, and you aren't alone, there are many others who have struggled with intrusive thoughts too.


Unfortunately no, I live in Florida and I’ve used some of the resources they have, but a lot of the treatment requires money and it’s been hard for me and my family financially.

in reply to Ngarciaaa

Hi Ngarciaaa

I'm so sorry that you are struggling to get support in USA. I'm sorry that you need to pay for treatment, that is so hard.

I wonder if there are any mental health charities in your area that can support you? I know of Postpartum Support International, but they are obviously focused on the postpartum period (up to 1 year after your baby has been born), and I know you've mentioned your children are now 2. But perhaps they may know of some organisations to signpost you to?

I do hope you can find support. Take care,


But thank you for replying, I will look at the info you sent me!

in reply to Ngarciaaa

Dear Ngarciaaa,

I hope the guidance and signposts of Ellie will help you further.

It is important that you can establish a support network and see what MH services are on offer within your area.

When talking to other mums who have been recovering from PPP and/or continued to struggle with other mental health challenges often describe the guilt feeling.

I was so poorly in my acute stage of Post Partum Psychosis in 2010 that my mind was switched off for one year; please remember all your feelings and subsequent actions/behaviourism is part of your PPD and PPA.

You will be able to work through unwanted attachments and feelings once you found your path of therapy.

I do understand the financial constraints. You can follow yoga programmes or get guided meditation on you tube, maybe there are support groups at no cost in your area, mum groups...I like I pod spiritual and meditative programmes...

I live with Bipolar and follow therapeutic avenues. Obviously coping strategies and establishing a toolkit takes time...because I was diagnosed just recently with BP I like to read up a lot in this field and become more knowledgeable, but also connect with orgs, who can help further...tracking my mood symptoms helps tremendously, but also journalising and painting, exercising, and regular meditation and chakra healing.

Wishing you well and hope you find external and online support, too exactly covering your needs.

Take good care,


Hello, I am from the United States too but I’m on the west coast. I am from California, like Kobe Bryant, and I cry when I read the news articles about the helicopter crash.

Intrusive thought help

1. Read dropping the baby.... a book about intrusive thoughts

2. Practice refuting the intrusive thought - acknowledge that it’s scary and refute it’s possibility

3. Go to therapy in your health network, the price isn’t bad

4. Join mom and me classes or go to the park to socialize. Join a mom group. Network with other moms

5. Exercise, it’s calming

6. Get plenty of rest and good food

7. Watch movies that are funny and will distract

8. Try Zoloft, it helped me

9. Try mindfulness, meditation

10. Join a church and pray and read the Bible to refute your worries

Good luck. Wanted to make my post longer but the kids are fighting argh!

Thank you so much! God bless!

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