Can postpartum psychosis really take your life away?

How do you explain to people after you've done some outrageous things and how do you come back from it all...loss of confidence being the worst and no self esteem as I feel branded the crazy one now For the rest of my life...no job due to all of above.feeling very low today guys ...sorry!

17 Replies

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  • Hello Beckles30

    So sorry to hear you're struggling today which is understandable from what you are going through. Recovery is very up and down. I think when you reflect about what happened during the psychosis it's very hard to believe you were that person and did unthinkable things. That's how it was for me anyway.

    As hard as it is to believe right now, you will come back from it all. I was a shell of my former self for ages. Although I did nothing wrong, in a way I think I had to forgive myself. Try to turn your thoughts around and accept that you have been to the lowest point but have had the courage to fight for the sake of your daughter.

    As you slowly rebuild your confidence perhaps you might feel like getting back into work but don't put pressure on yourself. I had very little confidence about socialising and returning to work. I found that going through an agency to do temporary work was a good stepping stone for me. I was able to choose hours to suit and eventually was offered permanent employment which boosted my confidence and socialising skills over time.

    You have so many things on your plate so try not to judge yourself. In time your thoughts about being 'crazy' will fade to be replaced by feeling proud of how much you have done since. We're unique Beckles ..... having been to hell and back and still standing!

    I hope you've been able to confide in your mum for comfort today as you're feeling so low. Be very gentle with yourself and take good care. Sending you a hug :)

  • Sending lots of love Beckles xx I know you don’t feel like it right now - but trust me you are an absolute Wonder Woman. You are NOT the crazy one. You have survived a horrendous illness and come out the other side, in the face of a whole bunch of other cr*p too.

    We are all here for you, whatever you need - when you don’t believe in yourself we believe in you for you xx

  • Hi Beckles30

    I’m sorry to hear things are so hard at the moment. Please try to remember this is not your fault! The feelings you describe are absolutely natural. I honestly think there is no explaining some of it but I too remember trying to rationalise it.

    I know when I had pp, 8 years ago now, in many ways the hardest bit was not the Psychosis and the “crazy stuff” but the long recovery afterwards and feeling like I’d been shattered into a million tiny pieces and I had no idea how and where to start piecing it all back together. Back to being “me” again, as a person, friend, Mum, everything really.

    My confidence too was absolutely shot. I was like a shell of a person looking back, getting through the days and weeks as best I could and feeling like it was all a massive struggle. But I did get through it and whilst things are hard and I know this is especially true for you, please believe that you can get through this.

    Keep talking to us here if it helps and do whatever you feel you can and want to. I know it sounds easy, and I know it’s not, but you can do it. Try to be kind to yourself where you can. For me it was tiny things which then grew and those pieces did come back together.

    Thinking of you, xx

  • Thank you all for your kindness and support through this...got 2 buses to see a friend, trying so hard to keep myself busy and around others. Xx

  • Lilybeth your so right about the forgiving yourself bit....I feel like I've done so much wrong when really I've just been struck down by an illness 😞

  • That's right isn't it Beckles ..... we might have crossed a line or two without knowing it but PP is so controlling that we had no choice and it wasn't our fault. You didn't do anything wrong and like all of us were struck down by what is such an awful illness. So over time when I've reflected on my 'crazy days' I know better now that it wasn't 'me'.

    You are so resilient when you consider the treatment you have gone through to get your mental health back on track!

    So glad that you went to such lengths at this busy time of year to get buses to see your friend. It's always good to meet for a chat and catch up isn't it? Keeping busy is a good way to keep your negative thoughts at bay. Hopefully you will begin to realise, as I did, that if we were in our 'right minds' there's no way we would have done what we did.

    I think it's time to forgive yourself Beckles and be proud that in spite of being dragged through the hedge by PP you stood up and have fought to be well again. Your confidence will return and you will begin to feel much better about yourself even though you are coping with so much at the moment.

    Be good to yourself and please keep 'talking' here if it helps. :) It's always good to hear from you.

  • Hi Beckles30

    Sorry to hear you’re feeling low today. I agree with you about the illness robbing us of our confidence and self esteem, I also felt guilty, ashamed, lonely and isolated and could not talk about it for years.

    I can assure you however, life does get easier but it takes time. Just take one day at a time you will gradually pick up the pieces and will feel strong again.

    Anyway, you have many caring people to talk to on this forum who are here to help you through. My very best wishes to you. Vee xx

  • Thank you Vee that's very comforting to hear, just nice to hear reassuring words from people who been where I am and know it slowly gets easier. Xx

  • Thank you all...talking to everyone keeps me going and continuing to fight this devastating illness!

  • Hello Beckles30

    This is a great place to talk ..... you're so strong to keep fighting and you will be well again.

    Take good care. We are always here to listen.

  • Thank you lilybeth x

  • You're very welcome Beckles. I hope you have been ok today. x

  • How did your day go Beckles? Do DM me if you want to xx Wishing you and your family a very merry Christmas xx

  • Hello Beckles30

    Thinking of you and hope you're ok.

    Take care. xx

  • Hey Lilybeth

    Thank you for thinking of me....I'm okay, a bit low since coming home from seeing my daughter and just get so frustrated about my lack of confidence....trying everything to get it back but it's a very slow process! How was your Christmas? I hope you had a good couple of days xx

  • Hello Beckles

    Thanks for taking the time to reply. I imagine it's understandable to feel low after seeing your daughter and coming home. Try not to be hard on yourself ..... you have been coping with so much and it takes time to rebuild confidence but you will do it. Taking two buses to see your friend recently took a lot of confidence, so you're getting there :)

    I had a good Christmas, thanks for asking ..... there was even snow!! Take care and keep in touch as we are all behind you. xx

  • Hello Beckles,

    the illness causes like a huge grey curtain and one can not see through it, because hallucination, fears and anxieties are taking over. I was swept under a huge cloud, when in hospital. However, the medication was essential to recover from PPP.

    My path was long and winding and my partner had to look after me full time. As you mentioned loosing confidence and being unable to recognise oneself was a huge personal struggle for me. Eventually I was re-discovering and re-establishing lost skills through group therapy.

    You have experienced so much, but from your notes I can establish that you are a great fighter, too. I am absolutely amazed about you taking two buses. Well done!

    We are here for you and thinking of you.

    x

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