Being alone

[MichelleO]

I'm back to that over whelming fear of being alone any advice ? I live on a military base and have told quite a few people about my fear and they clearly don't care enough to hang out with me during the day and probably afraid of me which makes me feel crazy and my depression is just horrible having to do this to feel like my son is safe. I have 15 weeks left of this pregnancy and then in the matter of a month I have to most likely get hospitalized after my son is born somehow pack up my whole house and get to new hamptire and say good bye to my husband for a year while he deploys. Trying to keep it together but being forced to be alone when I'm not comfortable is not my idea of spending the ending of this pregnancy. My husband leaves at 6am for pt then comes home at 745 and leave at 820 till 5 pm. My OCD is so bad I just fear of going crazy. My counselor who I thought would help kinda made my OCD way worse which I've mentioned in a post before. I never heard of there not being any warning signs. I mean I spend hours googling ppp and I've never read your just fine one second and psychotic the next but that doesn't seem to help me here. Feeling really depressed. I just want to be a normal mom who can enjoy her kids and be responsible for them on my own and know they'll be safe with just me. But having to message people saying I have ppp I hear things and I don't want to be alone wanna come over all day mon- Fri? It just seems so crazy. I've just been looking for that one person who can keep me company and I don't think I'll ever find that here or anywhere being 25 years old. And the fear that it will happen all over again and possibly be worse just makes my anxiety all day deliberating. My husband was home 4 days this weekend cause of work leave and I was fine up until this evening when I'm worried about being alone all week. If I lose touch of reality I don't know if I'll be able to handle the post Partum period I really don't. Any input would be appreciated just needing some comfort measures tonight. Any ideas of how to be alone and confident or any ideas to be in public all day

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

It must be such an anxious time for you having to deal with the prospect of being alone at the end of your pregnancy. I'm sorry the people you have shared your fear with haven't been supportive. Is there a military chaplain on the base? I wondered if he would be someone who would listen and understand? Also, can you confide in a medical officer who might understand your pregnancy fears? Perhaps he can also find one to one support for you? As there will be other wives on the base who will also be alone when their partners are deployed it seems a shame that you can't all get together to support each other.

I think it's best not to look too far ahead, although 15 weeks is not far away. I can relate to your worry about PP returning but perhaps this worry is feeding your anxiety. It must be awful trying to cope with OCD and feeling depressed is so draining. I think you have been given the link for Postpartum International in another thread, postpartum.net/contact-us/.

I'm sorry I haven't given you any comfort measures. I'm sure your husband will make sure there is someone you can rely on while he's away. I'm not sure if the military base is in an isolated area but I wondered if you could ring family to talk about your worries and arrange to visit?

Take care .... we are all here for you

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

When he deploys I'll be staying with family but until then I have to find ways to cope with being alone or find someone who understands and can hangout while my husband is at work. I can ask my husband about the chaplain and what is a medical officer ?

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to MichelleO]

Hello Michelle0

Thanks for replying. I'm glad you will have family support while your husband is away. I think there should be a medical officer / welfare officer at the base to offer routine support.

I'm not sure which service your husband is with but there is a site, goarmy.com/benefits/soldier... which mentions that the US Army offers a network of support and leisure services for families. "The Army Morale, Welfare and Recreation Group offers help for soldiers worldwide ...." I'm not sure if this is helpful but perhaps you will be able to find support there.

Take care .... we are here for you.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

I'll look into it for sure. Do you know if it's likely to have psychosis episode at end of pregnancy ? Or should I be okay till at least delivery ?

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to MichelleO]

Hello Michelle0

I'm sorry I can't really comment as to whether it's likely to have a psychosis episode at the end of pregnancy or whether you will be okay till at least delivery, as everyone's experience is different. There might be other mums here to share their experiences though.

Take good care of yourself and try to rest when you can.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Michelleo

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much, you have a lot to cope with with your son coming in a few weeks, and your husband being deployed. That is so hard.

I'm glad to hear you're going to stay with your family when your son is born, that's good you'll have support then.

I really struggled, after I had my son, with being on my own all day. I found it very lonely and I think a lot of mums do, some of what you're feeling is probably just really natural. Someone Older I know said to me that when her kids were young was the loneliest time of her life, and she wasn't ill.

I found it helpful to have some kind of routine and plan for the day, even if it was just to go for a walk or to the park. I'd try to break my day up into chunks, it helped me. Also I wondered if they are there any groups or something you can join? Not necessarily baby groups just any social kind of group?

What professional support do you have? I know you're in America. Do you have a midwife, or a mental health team? Do look to them for support, and tell them how you're feeling. They may be able to advise you.

Thinking of you

Ellie x

[MichelleO]

I hear bad stories and then I obsess over them searching the internet is one of my bad triggers I need to stop just read one story about a girl who lost touch of reality 3 months before birth and I'm literally 3 months before birth ugh

[SHaron154abbie]

Just think u can do it be strong for u family I had it in 2015 I was on tablet for nite but I decide to stop it myself in December I feel great I moved in with my partner in January and my daughter people thought I would be back home but I not

[Arabella-]

You poor thing I feel for you. I can empathise with that feeling of not wanting to be alone, that's how I felt.

I did get over PPP and I will do again if my luck runs that way. As will you if yours does - we're stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

So vent here and make an effort to be a good friend to other women and they will respond in kind. Are there any social events for families on the base? If so, maybe go. If not, maybe arrange a families picnic bet you are not the only woman feeling isolated.

Let me know how it all goes x

[MichelleO in reply to Arabella-]

Yeah for some reason I'm just expecting the worst I have really bad idea of things that can happen and I obsess over them all day wondering if I'll be in the right hands and if I'll be safe and most importantly my kids safe. I look for stuff all the time and never have luck I searched for groups too and none near by. I have to look into different groups besides support groups I guess

[Arabella- in reply to MichelleO]

Maybe you could use Meetup to arrange a group walk? My cousin did and has lots of new friends now

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

Just wondering how you are and whether you found support until your husband is deployed? We are all thinking of you. Take care.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

Hello! Thanks for checking in I'm doing good lots and lots of anxiety I'm trying to reduce and yes I'm going to be going to my cousins in new hamptire I have a lot of family and friends that way so I should be more occupied

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to MichelleO]

Hello Michelle0

I'm glad you're doing good. Hopefully your anxiety will reduce when you have the company of family and friends around you.

Take good care of yourself and rest as much as you can.

[Hidden]

Hello Michelle,

I have been reading about your worries and fears, but also very pleased about your latest response that you are going to see your cousin.

I used to live in an area by the German-Dutch Border and knew of English mums who often felt very isolated, especially when their husbands/loved ones had to be on duty. It must be so much more difficult when one has those worries you've described.

I wonder whether there is any kind of "social & welfare support package for families in forces" (even in the US) covering mental health, welfare, pregnancy & after care including social networking and enhancing female support. Like Lilbeth I am thinking along the line of a welfare officer, medical recruits etc., a chaplain etc.

Thinking of you, look after yourself and enjoy family time with your cousin.

x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

I hope you are still doing good and feeling less anxious with family and friends to support you.

Take care. x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

I hope you are safe and secure with family in New Hampshire and feeling ok.

Take care. x

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

Hello!

Still home in Texas my husband leaves in January so hell be getting me down there in December. I have about 8 weeks left though I'm sure I'll be early like I was with my son. Will keep you guys posted thank you

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

Good to hear from you ...... not long to wait now. I hope you're relaxing at home as much as you can.

Take care.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

I finally got a dr to put me on lamictal so I'm at 100mg currently and feel really good I'm just hoping it last I'm more excited than scared at the moment so as long as it sticks I hope I have a better experience. I'm trying to avoid c section. My first was vaginal delivery and my husband was over seas but he'll be here this time and I want it to be special I'm scared that the c section will be more traumatic and I don't want that but I know there's nothing I can do to prevent it. So we'll see how it goes it's all in gods hands

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

I'm glad that you're feeling good at the moment on the medication. It's an anxious and exciting time isn't it? I had an emergency c-section with my first son and was asleep throughout so I didn't see him until the next morning. When my second son was born I opted for an elective c-section and was awake from start to fiinish and it was less traumatic. I think if you're guided by professionals you will feel more relaxed when the time comes. Until then, take very good care of yourself. We are here for you.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

Thinking of you and hope all's well.

Take good care of yourself.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Michelle0

I hope you are well. Take good care of yourself.

[MichelleO]

Hello thanks for checking in everything is going very well baby is almost 3 months <3

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Ah that’s good to hear Michelle x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Great news Michelle0 ..... take it easy when you can xx