Puerperal Psychosis 13 years ago.

[danisha]

Hi I joined this site a while ago.I have never wrote on it.I had puerperal psychosis 13 years ago with my second daughter.Everything normal with my first daughter.Just before I gave birth I felt something change.I felt like I hadn't gave birth.I couldn't tell anyone.felt very scared.i was crying all the time couldn't explain what was going on in my head.I seen quite a few doctors before I was referred to a hospital.I then tried taking my own life and was sectioned in a mental health ward for 28 days.without my daughter as it wasn't a mother and baby unit.There wasn't any of them near where I lived.it was so hard for my family to see me go threw all that.my mum and my husband have been great.i tried a few times after to take my life to.I was given ect and meds.was in and out of hospital over a year.I have amazing relationship with my daughters.Had a hysterectomy because of my moods.suffer from depression and social anxiety.Which did help but have menopause now.Feel like I haven't been given help to move on from what happened.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello danisha

Welcome to the forum ..... this is a great place to find support and empathy. I had PP twice many years ago but can relate to everything you went through. Apparently I was waiting for a Psychiatrist to visit when I attempted the same as you ...... albeit a cry for help. I was then sectioned to general psychiatric care and received ECT sessions. With my second PP I was also in and out of hospital in times of crisis but mainly treated at home. Then I was plagued with depression for a year which must have been very hard for my husband and my first son who was six.

I also had a hysterectomy but this was due to fibroids. I was then in my late 30's so went into early menopause.

I'm sorry you feel you haven't been given help to move on. Perhaps you could ask your GP to refer you for CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) which is a good way to release all your thoughts. Are you on medication for depression? I remember how my depression was so draining and it took me a while to lift my moods. Social anxiety is also very hard to cope with in daily life.

There's a post here under "Menopause" at healthunlocked.com/app-netw... which might be helpful. There are other mums here with experience of the menopause who will be able to share experiences with you.

Take care .... you're not alone ..... thanks for writing

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Danisha, Welcome to the forum too. It sounds like you went through a lot after you had PP with your second daughter 13 years ago.

I had PP five and a half years ago after the birth of my first son. Like you describe, it was a hugely traumatic experience. I have to say I think APP, including this forum, was one of the main things that helped me come to terms with what happened. Other things helped me to recover (which sounds like you have) but in terms of processing everything that happened, I think that takes longer. Just talking with other PP women, either in person (through my role with APP) and also on here has helped me a lot.

I wondered as well if you could access some counselling? I know where I live there are a couple of counselling services which offer reduced fee counselling according to what you can afford. It sounds like this may be what you need, just to process what you went through?

Are you getting any professional support for your depression and social anxiety?

Take care, and I hope you can find helpful connections on here.

[Hidden]

Hello Danisha,

I am Sabine and you may want to follow my post.

I have had PPP in 2010. I have been diagnosed with Social and Agora Phobia after weaning off from traditional Anti-Depressants.

I am more than happy to respond to you and tell you more via message.

Kind wishes,

Sabine

[danisha]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your replies.Just to speak to people who has had the same illness as me means a lot as I never have .It is just having the confidence to speak about it.I think it's a great site and have wanted to post on it for sometime.I am currently seeing a psychiatrist for my depression and social anxiety.The problem is they change after a few times seeing them.I take anti depressants and pregabalin for my anxiety.I have thought about going to a councillor privately. just not sure how long I would need to go regarding cost.Will have a look at the menopause post to.I will also ask about cbt as well.

Thanks again for your replies 😊

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello danisha

I was also in the dark until I had the good fortune years ago to meet Prof Jones and some of the APP team regarding my diagnoses when PP was confirmed. I was then so relieved to 'see' mums on the forum with shared experiences who had been in my shoes and really understood. Before this I had never spoken about my illness for fear of being judged due to the stigma around mental health back then.

It's good that you are seeing a psychiatrist for your depression and anxiety. It's a shame you don't see the same one to build up a rapport but as long as you are feeling some benefit I think you have to roll with it. It's very hard coping with depression and routine. For me, some days were endless but eventually you will have better days. I had counselling and cbt arranged via my GP so I'm not sure how much private sessions will be.

Lovely to 'meet' you here .... take care.

[danisha]

Thank you again for your message.My first message I just felt like I needed to speak out about my experience.Even then I was scared of doing so for being judged.I think because I find it hard to to talk about my experience I have made it harder on myself.I am glad I have had the courage to do so.My husband and my mum have been my rocks.I also no I have taken positive things from my illness.it has made the relationship between me and my daughters fab.I do realise how lucky I am to have come threw a cruel illness.I am glad as the years are going on there seems to be more awareness threw sites like this ect.Going to speak to psychiatrist and gp again and ask about cbt and councilling.I am waiting on an appointment from a psychologist but it's been over a year because of waiting lists.I also haven't used internet to speak with people as I'm a bit out of date with the times Except emails 😂 But I'm glad I have😊I am greatful for having people having time to reply.

Thanks.

[Hidden]

Dear Danisha,

good to have you on this site. I have been very dubious about social media nor did I trust anybody. I finally was brave enough to browse through the net and found APP. This was 5 years after PPP. I believe it was one of the best moves ever in order to get rid off this cheer loneliness inside my head. I thought I was on my own and nobody understands, despite all the support once I got out of hospital.

Because of the anxiety everything has to be a gradual process. It is so much harder to get to your goal. I wanted to shout out loud and educate people that there should be no stigma to PPP and other post natal mental health issues. When I did my art exhibition and raising awareness about Post Partum Psychosis a lot of preparation was involved. The most difficult part was to confront some of my fears and learning to find out about my limitations...

I needed a support worker in order to get used to my journey to Taunton and familiarize myself with the library.

I was regularly seeing my GP and care co-ordinator as I was snow balling with organisations via the net and obviously having to talk to people within the library and via the phone.

I was terribly afraid of publicity and my partner (including APP) had to stop certain approaches such as being asked to do an interview via Somerset BBC.

Anyhow, I visited my own exhibition, but unable to steward it. The experience was great, but I was rather poorly afterwards. Yet, no regret and I certainly will not give up.

Like you I have a wonderful partner. Any new experience, new surroundings, events, crowds is always like a new beginning and I never know how I cope and how I am afterwards.

By the way I started Yoga, despite the obstacles of social and agora phobia I am now able to relax during class...if I have a break of 2-3 weeks...I am at the beginning again. I guess routine and all in stepping stones is very important. Meditation and long walks are great, too and lots of painting.

Take care,

Sabine

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Danisha

I'm so glad this forum has been helpful. I have to say I've found it so therapeutic and good to talk about everything that happened, rather than bottling it up. I was lucky that I found this forum quite early on (about a year after I had PP) and also had a very accepting work place (where I was open with colleagues about my struggles) and also really open and accepting family and friends who were really supportive and didn't mind me talking it all out...

I realised that you may mentioned in your original post your worry about being menopausal and the risk of relapse. You may be interested to read this from our FAQ on our website which details information about risk of relapse during menopause:

"It has been suggested that some women who experience PP may be vulnerable to relapse at times of major hormonal fluctuation, such as during the perimenopause (the time from the onset of menopausal symptoms, such as hot flushes and irregular periods, until the menopause itself).

A case series review of post-menopausal women with a history of PP, found that 30% reported an episode of illness (including depression or mania/psychosis) during the perimenopause. Strikingly, most women who relapsed during the perimenopause had been well during the years in between childbirth and the menopause. Further studies are needed to explore this potential risk period more fully and identify which women might be at risk of perimenopausal relapse. Women, their partners and families should be vigilant for signs of relapse during the perimenopause and seek help from their GP or mental health team should symptoms develop. For more information about relapse planning, see page 14 of our Insider Guide on Recovery after PP. "

I hope this is helpful

Ellie

[danisha]

Hi Sabine & Ellie,

Thanks both for taking the time to reply.I have been busy sorry not got back sooner.yoga sounds a good way to relax.I have a doctors appointment in a few weeks going to get him to check my hormones and if my hrt is what I should be on.I think talking about my experience is definitely a way to move on.I have been scared to use social media but i definitely think it has made a difference to me already to speak to people who understand the illness.A lot of health professionals who I have seen don't have much knowledge about it and I got a letter from psychologists today don't have appointment yet but when I phoned she said I'm near top of the list.😊Sabine i was looking at your art work it really is beautiful.I can understand painting I like being creative.distressing furniture ,baking cakes,crocheting and gardening.

Thanks,

Stacy.

[Hidden]

You are more than welcome Stacy. Like Ellie said it is good to talk. Thank you for your kind compliment about my art work. Pleased you have something to focus on and to relax as well. Spring is here and I am even happier than before, because I spend a lot of time in my garden.

Wishing you a happy day and hope all goes well with forthcoming appointments (GP and Psychologist).

Sabine