Is it too much?

Hi everyone I have posted on this page a few times I had ppp over a year ago and things just arnt as they used to be anymore I feel as if me and my husband have fallen out of love with each other he has mild depression at the min due to me being so Sick and him having to take on so much but when he is Down its bringing me down I feel numb towards him I'm just not happy to be around him am i being selfish because he was there for me when I was sick I just feel like I want to finish or take a break from each other I'm so confused at the moment are home is just not a happy place anymore and it hasn't been for nearly two years from I took sick I know it was extremely hard for him looking after me and are son iv recently started up my own business but I feel like I have made a huge mistake I'm starting to get very stressed and feeling very low all I want to do is cry but I can't confined In my husband or family because they keep saying this should be over now you need to get back to yourself has anyone else felt as tough having ppp has changed them as a person I deffiently feel this way I am not as I used to be I used to be so happy all the time and I never had mental health problems before I don't know what is wrong with me at the minute I think I just have a lot going on I guess I'm just looking to get it off my chest as I have no one to turn to

13 Replies

  • Hello Fiona

    We are always here to turn to ... so you're not alone. I think if you have had PP just over a year ago it's very early days into completely recovering. I had PP twice many years ago and I know treatment and recovery are much better now but I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

    I'm sorry your husband has mild depression. I think if he is depressed and on medication it can alter behaviour. Perhaps he is feeling low and doesn't want to burden you as you have been through so much together? PP does take its toll and I think you need to be there for him as he was for you and your son.

    I can't imagine what an added stress starting your own business is one year on from PP ...... I'm not surprised how low you feel trying to cope.

    I'm sure if you sat down with your husband, preferably when your son is asleep or staying overnight with your family, it would be so much better to tell him how you truly feel. I'm sure he doesn't realise how much it upsets you when he says you should be over 'it' by now, especially if he is depressed himself. Although PP is a temporary illness the trauma and after effects take time to come to terms with. I hope your husband can see that the added stress of running your own business is a lot to deal with.

    Recovering from PP and coping with your son and a husband who is not well himself is very hard for you. Many of us here had never had mental health problems in the past and so being brought down by 'it' is a game changer. Rest assured there is nothing wrong with you, I think you're amazing to be running a business. Your family needs to support and not judge or chastise you.

    I'm sure starting a new business is a big commitment to get up and running but if you could find a way to lighten your load, even asking family to help, might be an idea until you feel stronger and your husband is also on the mend.

    Take it easy .... PP mums are amazing and you are doing very well to support your husband as well as cope with life's routines.

  • Hi Fiona. It seems that I am in a similar situation to you. See my post under 'change of feelings.' I too feel like I have fallen out of love with my partner. Its just awful and I don't know how long im suppose to wait for my feelings to return. Its awful for him and me. I had pp in august last year. Im back at work but have pretty low confidence in my job and my reactions and judgements are not as good as they used to be. I feel maybe I went back too soon. Not sure what to do. I just wish I could go back to my happy bubbly chatty self rather than this quiet, worried, sensitive person I am now. How long were you in hospital? Did you have negative thoughts about your husband while you were ill?

  • Hang in there. Get support for you both, separately and together. We have been married almost 11 years. Parents for 6 years. Experienced PP twice. He has had to work through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, with hyper vigilance because of the trauma he went through. I still have grief etc to work through.

    The weird thing is that you have been through the same time with different experiences, memories and emotions. That takes a long time to work through. But it's worth it!

  • Hi Fiona, I echo Deb12W, hang in there! I experienced 4 psychotic episodes over ten years before getting pregnant, I've been with the same partner all the way and after the second episode in particular he got depressed and had to have counselling. It terrified me that not only I had got ill but he had too and it scared me that the person who had been looking after me was suddenly in need, I didn't know how to help. But we worked through it and it was so worth it. That was hard, and that was without a baby. Having PPP straight after having a baby, when you've never had any mental health experiences before must be so utterly shattering both for you and your partner. When my partner was low he highlighted to me just how different the experience was for him and how traumatic. When I had PPP he'd got a lot of experience under his belt and was able to come back from it far quicker than he had before. Without that experience it must be such a struggle for both of you. Even with that experience, I returned home one night from work shortly after having PPP to find him beside himself with our daughter and completely losing his temper with her. I think it's amazing that you have started your own business and are dealing with it all. Do try going out on your own with your partner and talking it through, it was only really when my partner got low that I realised what an impact it all had had but he did come to terms with it and we did find a way forward. It's so much harder when you are parents, but hopefully time and talking through it together, when you are able, will help.

  • Hi Fiona - and uksarah if you're reading it

    You may have seen my reply on the uksarah's post too.

    I would really encourage you to hang in there somehow too, if you can, though you must do what feels right for you. It is early days too. For me I didn't feel really well in myself till 1 1/2 or 2 years after PP and in terms of my relationship really only the last year (and I had PP just over 4 years ago).

    Like someone else said my partner also suffered from PTSD and didn't really face it and get help with it until a year or so ago. it has been awful, a real upheal struggle, sometimes feel like two steps forward, one step back. and my feelings felt changed towards him as well. I think just because I spent nearly 2 years ill, and then after just so consumed with loving and caring for my son. I wonder if a lot of mum's and dad's go through it, even without being ill, maybe it's natures natural contraception :)

    Joking aside, it was really rough. But I would really encourage you, if you can, to spend time together, get in a babysitter, go away for the night. I think that's the thing that would have helped us the most, and maybe going to therapy also. I only say this because we didn't do this, and I have literally come back today from a night away with my partner (the first one for 3 1/2 years) and it was amazing in terms of reconnecting again in all kinds of ways. It was wonderful.

    Take huge care and really hope that you will slowly rebuild things in whatever way feels right


  • Hi Fiona & uksarah,

    I would really echo everything sunnyandwild has said, it can be so hard, but it's also really positive (if anything can be taken from such hard times) that you are able to share these experiences. Being 6 years on from my PP, and also now having a nearly 2 year old too (where I thankfully didn't get ill) I also struggle to spend time with my husband which isn't sorting childcare, bickering about chores or doing the general day-to-day. Having time away sounds like the way forward, I may suggest it to my husband!!

    Hang in there if you can, it's hard, and no-one tells you quite how hard - just yesterday someone told me that having young children was the hardest time in her relationship and that was without the added extra of PP. We're all here to chat if you need too, take care, xx

  • Hello Fiona

    Just wondering how you are feeling? Have you been able to have any support from your G.P?

    Take good care of yourself.

  • Hi everyone thanks for the replies it's been a great help iv hit a low and feeling very depressed I keep getting flash backs of my birth and also super sensitive at the min I'm crying over everything I go to see my psychraist on Monday so I'm going to tell him how I'm feeling I done the worst thing and googled it and it came up post traumatic stress disorder could this be possible ? I think I'm in shock as to everything that has happened and I'm taking on too much this is also making me stressed did any one else have PTSD after ppp is this a possibility ? Thanks again for all the help

  • Hi Fiona

    I'm so sorry that things are so tough and you are feeling low. I struggled with depression for over a year after I had PP. It does sound like you have taken on a lot, as you say, with starting your own business, and it sounds like your husband has been really struggling as well, I know you said in your first post that he is suffering with depression.

    It is really good you're seeing your psychiatrist on Monday. Do you have any access to other support too, a mental health nurse, counselling? I am sure your psychiatrist can refer you to other support as well. Perhaps you can ask for this, if you aren't seeing anyone?

    I didn't suffer from post traumatic stress after PP, though I think everyone who has had PP is probably traumatised in some way. I am sure your psychiatrist will be able to help you - be completely honest about how you are. I am sure others will share their experience.

    You will get better, I promise. My experience was that it is an up and down recovery...

    Take care, keep writing whenever you need, you are not alone.


  • Hi Fiona24,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so low, it sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment.

    Definitely tell your psychiatrist how you're feeling, it's good you have an appointment coming up.

    I'm sure it's possible to suffer from post traumatic stress after PP, and I think after a traumatic birth too. If your psychiatrist thinks you're suffering from this I'm sure he/she will be able to help - it might be a good idea just to make a note of what you'd like to discuss at your appointment so you don't forget anything.

    I'm sorry everything is putting such a strain on your relationship too. It's such a huge thing to go through for both of you, just having a child without being unwell is a big enough adjustment to make. I do hope things start to get better for both of you and it helps to read others' experiences. You're not alone.

  • Hello Fiona

    I hope the appointment with your psychiatrist went well today and you felt supported and understood. |I hope you feel reassured that with time and medical interventions you will fully recover.

    I didn't have PTSD after my psychoses but as has been said I think we have all been traumatised in some way as PP is such an unexpected life changing event. Following my second PP I did have what seemed like an endless depression but with good care I eventually recovered.

    As I mentioned in my earlier note here, PP is such a big thing to overcome and it does take time. There will be setbacks ....... some days brighter than others ....... but you will feel better in time. The memories of your trauma are very raw at the moment. It's all very well for me to say you will be better when you're feeling so low at the moment. I'm sure time is tight for you especially as you are building a business but you must take care of yourself and find space in the day to 'switch off' and take a break.

    I think you have done really well to come so far, so early in your recovery, especially as your husband is unwell. Don't worry about crying, unless it's excessive ..... sometimes it's a great relief to release all the tension we feel.

    Please hold on and things will improve ..... you will look back and find what a strong bond you have with your husband who has been there for you throughout your illness and recovery, as you have been for him.

    Take good care of yourself.

  • Hi Fiona,

    I too was wondering how your recent appointment went? I hope you are feeling a little better and are getting good support, take care and never hesitate to write when you feel you need or want to. Take care, xx

  • Hello Fiona

    I hope the appointment with your psychiatrist went well and your depression is lifting. Have you been able to take time out for yourself, although I appreciate you are building your business so probably very busy?

    Hopefully your husband is feeling better.

    We are all here to turn to. Take good care of yourself and relax when you can.

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