I was dignosed with ppp after the birth of my son in March 2014 I was in a psychiatric ward for about a week I was in denial for so long my family were very supportive as well as all the professionals that were involved I still see my psychraist every 3 months but as for now I'm still feeling very much so in shock as to what happend I remember most of the crazy thoughts I had and being so paranoid and suppicous of everyone I found it really hard to open up I thought everyone was going to take my baby away I hated my husband i couldn't even look at him at times I'm just wondering that feeling as good as I do now is this normal to feel in shock as to what has happend my husband keeps telling me not to think about what happend but look forward to are further it has been a very hard 17 months for everyone any body else that has felt like this please get in touch I don't want to tell my psychraist as I just want this nightmare to be over

7 Replies

  • Hi... just read your post. So sorry to hear of your nightmare but it will get easier. I had pp in Dec 2013. I was in hosp for a month over Xmas & new year. I had the same feelings, I thought everyone was talking about me and against me. I thought my mum was poisoning my baby. I couldn't even look at her & apparently used to give her evil looks ( I don't remember ). All my family were very supportive but it was really hard to talk about it after I was better as no one would understand how I felt. I think it's best to talk about it as it helps with the healing process. I found it a big shock too. I hope this has helped a bit & anytime you need a chat you can always 'off load' on here. Take care x

  • Hi Fiona,

    I was ill in August 2013 after the birth of my son in July. I too was paranoid and took it out mainly on my husband and my Mum. I still struggle with what happened to me. It frightens me that I was so out of control and that it could come back. I narrowly avoided hospital due to the amazing support I got from my family and that I responded quite quickly to my medication.

    It was such a difficult time for everyone involved and I find no one likes to talk about it in my family. This forum very therapeutic. I found out about it due to a newspaper article and I had never heard of anyone else going through what I did.

    I think you should tell your doctor how you are feeling. Your thoughts are normal. My psychiatrist told me to expect a confidence knock and I certainly struggled when I returned to work full time and seriously doubted my capabilities. I will never understand why I was robbed of such a precious time when I went through a lot of heart ache to have my son. I will never get the answers I want so I concentrate on the future and never take having my amazing little man for granted.

    I am feeling much more like my old self now. I do look at my family and friends through different eyes now. It has made me appreciate those who really were there for me.

    Best wishes C

  • Hello Fiona

    Welcome to the forum where you will find lots of help and support. I'm sorry you are struggling with the shock of PP and the memories.

    I had PP in the mid 70's and early 80's. It took me well over two years to finally settle and find my place. The thoughts of our 'dark days' can be upsetting but you should be very proud that you endured it all and are on your way back to better health.

    I'm sure if you talk about how you honestly feel with your Psychiatrist he / she will be able to help you through your thoughts and fears. I know it's sometimes difficult to disclose how we really feel in case we are judged but the more open you are, the more your care team will be able to guide you.

    Like CathinLondon I had the good fortune to come across APP via a newspaper article and have felt so much better about myself ever since. There is no one to judge or offend here. In time the memories of your PP will fade, overtaken by all the good times in the future with your son and loving family.

    Take very good care of yourself.

  • Thank you all so much for the lovely comments I find this site so helpful as I never really herd of anyone having pp I had never herd of it before it happened to me it's an awful illness and I don't really understand as to why it happens there's so many questions I have to ask my psychraist next time I see him I feel sort of ashamed as to what happened and guilty like it was my fault but I know no one is to blame ! I feel as if I have missed out on so much with my son but now I'm better I will look forward to my future with my amazing family thanks again for all the wonderful comments

  • Hello Fiona

    Thank you for taking the time to come back to the forum. This really is a good place to 'meet' other mums who have been in your shoes and can support you. I didn't know what had happened to me until my sons were grown and by chance met the APP research team some years ago.

    I'm glad you will be asking your Psychiatrist more questions to give you peace of mind. I can relate to feeling ashamed of myself, especially when being interviewed by professionals, but when PP was confirmed by the then Dr Ian Jones of APP I was so relieved ...... it wasn't my fault .... and the shame I felt for years was lifted.

    Be good to yourself. We are all here to lean on.

  • Check out the recent post on the UK book launch of Day Six. It is an excellent book, that I'm sure you will relate to her experiences and discover you weren't the only one going through these horrible things!

    What each of us has been through is a Trauma, and our partners and family experienced their own version of that Trauma too. It has been helpful for my husband and I to both speak with my psychiatrist together, and also psychologists separately to work through our grief etc. For our husbands they can remember it all, don't want to go over it again, and want to just move forward. But for us, we can't remember it all, we have snippets that don't fit together, we don't know what the baby was doing when we were ill, or what we missed out on. It's important to work through those things, it's parts of the healing process.

  • Hi Fiona24. Just to add to others here, this site is a great way of sharing experiences and asking questions, I've found it invaluable. I had pp with my first child almost 6 years ago now and the old time is a healer saying is something I've found to be true. You don't forget but we do move on and things get easier and more accepted somehow as part of the great journey of life. I can't change what happened but can learn from it and accept that it's part of me. The bit about being a trauma is certainly true too and I think it's strangely made our family unit stronger too.

    It's important to see the recovery process as part of moving on and, easy as it is to say, it's not something to rush. Try to have things noted down to ask your psychiatrist (I found the appointments when t in a blur sometimes) and others such as a good gp can help too. I remember all too well wanting it all to be over and having to take meds for 3 years, which I hated. But it does pass and things get easier. Time does fly in other ways tho and I hope you are managing to treasure the milestones with your little one too. They grow up pretty fast!

    Take care and feel free to pop on and ask more questions, we're all here to help and listen. Xx

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