Do I have PP or not?!?!: I had my 4th... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis

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Do I have PP or not?!?!

morait22 profile image
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I had my 4th baby 8 months ago and its only been recently that I've become aware I have a problem due to family and friends mentioning. Looking back on my other pregnancies (2009/2011) I have encountered issues but with no diagnosis even though i was to and fro from Drs - was diagnosed with PND on my first (2006). My husband worked away and I wasn't aware and I had the GP, HV (if needed) and counsellor once a week....just thought it was normal not to sleep, eat, OCD and have crazy thoughts! Diagnosed in March this year with PND but keep relapsing when menstruating. I'm now having delusions, hallucinations, lost 2 stone due to not eating, will crave sweet carbs on a really good day, insomnia, manic moments as in cleaning house at midnight or skipping around shop, some days stuttered speech others continuously talking or being quiet, anxiety, tics and shakes, mood swings - elated, moody,emotional or normality (whatever that is as the black cloud still looms).....positive and negative days! I love Steve one minute and want to stab him the next, told him I wanted an affair (poor hubby), smashing house up, but scarily overdosed last week and couldn't care even though I know I do.....the worst of it I am aware but living as though in a dream world, totally detached from reality however cannot control it even though mentally I'm trying CBT, trying to remain calm and walk away from situation. I have been begging the Drs to help for well over 2 months - they increase medication from 50mg of sertraline to 100mg but within last few days have decreased it as they think i'm too sensitive apart from that nothing as I'm always smiling but I'm trying to remain positive for my children.....one health worker said she couldn't fathom me due to my positive nature - was it natural or a front. Any ideas im getting to the point and I'm slowly giving up.....

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Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi moriat

Thanks for coming on the forum, I am so sorry you're having such a tough time. Well done for reaching out to us.

What you describe does sound like it could be pp. Are you under a mental health team, or are your meds being dealt with by gp? You must keep telling them everything, all your thoughts and how you're feeling. if so I think you really need to see a mental health team / psychiatrist etc. What professional support do you have?

I am writing this quickly from my phone but have you seen action on postpartum psychosis website? I can write a link later but we offer a second opinion psychiatry service from specialist psychiatrist in perinatal mental health , you need to he referred by your doctor but perhaps this might be something that could help.

Take care, dont hesitate to keep writing,

morait22 profile image
morait22 in reply to Ellie_at_APP

Thank you.....I'm hoping to try and find some comfort in knowing im not the only one dealing with daily tasks. I feel as if i'm not getting any help even though I've been begging them for it since my son was 10 days old as I didn't feel right.....Its only because my husband kicked off on Monday after taking an overdose of 32 paracetamol (I saw 2 HC and a nurse and discharged after 5 hours with see your GP on Monday) last Saturday that I had an appt on the Thursday with a referal to see a consultant but it could take up to 8 weeks!!! I'm still awaiting a phone from the MHT since March, seen a counsellor 3 times but couldn't get in touch for 4 weeks due to phone line being down, seen another counsellor but she referred me for assessment by MH nurse, and was reassessed by social worker but keep getting told to do self help techniques. My GP is unsure what to do andbeen very open and keeps referring me.....My HV is amazing and she seems to be the only one listening. Im just at my wits end.....

Mungomia profile image
Mungomia

Hi Morait

I’m so sorry that you’re not getting the help you need from your local mental health team quickly enough. The symptoms you describe do sound very much like PP and it seems likely that you would benefit from urgent specialist help.

This is the link app-network.org/what-is-pp/... for the specialist second opinion service offered by Action on Postpartum Psychosis that Sunnyandwild mentioned earlier. Your Health Visitor sounds like she is the only one who understands how unwell you are feeling. She may be able to help you make contact with Dr Ian Jones’ clinic in Cardiff and get a referral made from your GP.

It sounds like you have coped well after the birth of your previous 3 children and battled on through PND in the past, well done for being so strong for your family and I really hope you can quickly get the help that you need.

You will get better I can promise you, with the right help.

Best wishes

morait22 profile image
morait22

Thank you so much! Its very difficult but my children are the ones that keep me going. I have explained that mummy has good and bad head days which they understand and keep positive saying it will soon be over just wish I felt the same.....will have a look now

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi moriat

Thanks for writing again.

Sounds like you are doing amazing in coping and looking after your children.

You definitely need more support than you're getting it sounds.

A couple of things I thought of, you ( and/or your husband if you don't feel well enough) to keep a diary if your thoughts / feelings so you can say clearly to professionals how you are feeling and what kind of thoughts you have.

Another thing I thought is first you / husband to print out info about postnatal psychosis from our website and show to professional ( gp, hv) and say this is what you think is happening and you need help etc..

If things get really bad and you or your husband feel you are very unwell you can phone samaritans or also you can go to a and e.

I hope some of this advice is helpful. I also wanted to say that you will definitely get better and that you are not alone.

Take care

morait22 profile image
morait22

Once again thank you! I have mentioned PP on 2 separate occassions but got nowhere. I will do as above and push it

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi morait22,

It sounds like you are having a really tough time, well done for reaching out and sticking with it in trying to get help and support. I would really recommend the second opinion service too, it was very helpful for me. And if you have a health professional (HV) who is supportive of you and listening, I am sure they will be able to help you further.

PP is an often misunderstood and little known illness and if you can get more people to support you, I feel sure that you will move forward and get some more help to get better. It sounds as if you are doing a great job and have fantastic kids who are keeping you going through it all. Hang on in there and try and keep coming back to ask questions if you need to. Always know that Samaritans or A&E are options though if you need it, keeping talking is the main thing.

All the best and take care, come back and let us know how you get on if you can. xxx

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait22

I just wanted to echo what Spannerb said, that we are here for you whenever you need us, for advice, or just to express how you feel.

Take care X

morait22 profile image
morait22

I have my HV coming tomorrow and have printed all the information. Hopefully she will be able to push forward my appointment. Will keep you informed x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait22

I hope the HV will listen tomorrow so that you can have the support and help you need.

Take care and let us know how you get on if you can.

We are all here for you.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi moriat that is good to hear and brilliant you've managed to print off info. Let us know how it goes. take care x

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait, just wonder how it went with your HV and how you are feeling?

Only write if you want / feel able.

Take care

DEb12W profile image
DEb12W

My first bout of PP didn't get diagnosed til baby was 3 months old because no-one knew what it was, they were watching our for PND (because of medical and family history). But I ran relate to those crazy thoughts,cleaning the house at midnight (with toothbrush, bicarbonate soda and vinegar!), getting mad at my husband for not doing things 'my' logical way......

Take information to your health professionals, so they know what you/they are dealing with. Mother Baby unit is best, so that you can manage your condition with bub alongside and without being exposed to people with other random mental illnesses.

Perhaps get your husband to read the stuff to, so he can help recognise it. I know my husband found it so hard, knowing something wasn't quite right, but not knowing what it is.

And of course you fool everyone because on some days you will look and feel like super mum! [Like the day I caught a bus with my 3 year old walking, 5 week old in arms, without a pram (because my hubby left it in the boot of the car by accident), because I was so determined to not miss out on the Early childhood clinic mothers group sessions.]

Good luck, chat here as needed, wish I had found APP when we were in the thick of it!

loveDEb

morait22 profile image
morait22

I'm glad I'm not going crazy even though at times I feel as though I am! Hubby is amazing and has even told health professionals I need sectioning.....HV is fan and she is pushing everything but unfortunately the same problem as me and hit a brick wall at every turn x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait22

It seems so unfair that you are not being given the medical care you need, although your HV is trying hard to access treatment for you. Would you consider the APP second opinion service as previously suggested by one of the mums? I think a meeting or video link with Professor Jones would be very helpful as you would be receiving a professional opinion. I met the then Dr Jones some years ago and his advice and guidance made all the difference to me.

I'm glad your husband is such a good support. You are definitely not crazy but just need to find someone to give you the help you are entitled to. I can't understand why you haven't been referred to a crisis team for help. Do you live in the UK? Our NHS is usually quite good but have not supported you at all.

What will the next step be? Can your husband intervene on your behalf and ask your GP to visit you at home? If you live in the UK there is the 111 service to ring for advice or you could try the GP's out of hours service.

Take good care of yourself and keep in touch if you can.

morait22 profile image
morait22

I live in N.Wales and I cannot yet be referred to Dr Jones as I have a an adult psychiatrist consultant (who is now lead in my care) I have yet to see for a first appointment but can take up to 8 weeks for an appointment and have no means of contact. If need be I have a contact number for duty team but only mon-fri 9-5 either that A&E for yet another'assessment'. I have not seen the same person twice so they cannot see the changes. Keep getting told to do self help techniques and just await. I did get referred to MHT in March but still awaiting a phone call and a follow up from the hospital after took myself to A&E....so I've kind of given up on that xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

How much longer will you have to wait for the psychiatric consultant appointment? Is it possible to see your GP so that he could prioritise your referral? Your GP should have an out of hours service, operating through the night if you need help. Usually you speak to someone on the phone and they will see you wherever they are based. Do you have that service in Wales?

It's hard for you to keep going to A & E for assessment when you have your young family to consider. I think you might need your husband to speak to your doctor as it's really awful that you have not been followed up. Don't give up ....... lean on your husband for support and we are all here for you.

Take good care of yourself and keep in touch if you can.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi morait

Have to say am pretty shocked by the lack of support you seem to be getting.

How are you feeling and coping at the moment?

I guess I would really encourage you, as I think I wrote in an early post, to keep a diary just writing briefly any unusual or disturbing behaviour, thoughts etc. If you don't feel well enough to keep it perhaps your husband could. then you can take to doctors etc and say look this is what is going on. It will also help when you finally get a psychiatrist appointment

Thinking of you, keep writing whenever you need to x

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi morait22, how frustrating for you and your family, I'm not sure if I can add anything other than that we are all thinking of you and wishing you the very best. Take care, xx

morait22 profile image
morait22

Thank you all.....apart from banging head against a brick wall I'm staying positive! I completely lost it on Thurs & few friends seen it & were shocked at the lack of MH support I got.....either phone police & get her sectioned or go to A&E......easier said than done with 4 children. There is no emergency appts for consultant & I will have to wait for up to 10 weeks as they only just put referral through from 3 weeks ago!!! HV came out & got GP appt & he's kicking off & agreeing that I may have PP so hes wrote to Consultant & put in a lovely letter of complaint - just had meds increased again to same dosage last week. Maybe I should break my leg would actually get somewhere.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

I'm sorry to hear you're no further forward even after 'losing it' on Thursday. At least your GP is now more aware and hopefully his letter will get something moving for you.

It can't be easy at all for you and the lack of care so far is very worrying. The HV seems to be trying but the professionals don't seem to be listening. 10 weeks is such a long time to wait ...... no wonder your GP is kicking off now.

I don't know if you have the same service where you are but there is the NHS Patient Liaison Service (PALS) which patients can contact with any concerns or worries. They offer 'resolution of concerns or problems' on their website. It might be worth contacting them, although I'm sure other mums here might have other ideas to help you.

Stay safe and take good care of yourself.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait

It was good to hear your latest post. At least, as Lilybeth says, your GP and HV seem to be trying to fight for you, I was relieved to hear that, I really hope the GP letter will make a difference and you'll get the support you need. Sorry you had a rough day on Thursday.

Thinking of you, hang in there and as Lilybeth says, stay safe X

morait22 profile image
morait22

I do have access to MH but as they are not an emergency one the above options are the only 2 available to me! I will get there even of o have to lock myself in a room till then. I cannot thank you enough for all your advice & support its really helping me maintain positively in darker days xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

You are amazing to be so positive and we are all privileged that you are able to share your darker days with us. Do you have a Crisis Team available to you? I would have thought that your GP could have arranged for a CPN to visit you at home as well as your HV. With my second PP I was treated at home and the Psychiatrist, CPN and HV visited me. I think you are entitled to ask for a CPN, or perhaps your husband could ask on your behalf? The more support you have might help if you do have to wait such a long time for the psych appointment. If the HV is your only option can you ask for a visit more than once a week?

When you went to A & E were you assessed by the RAID (Rapid Assessment Intervention and Discharge) team? They are based in A & E to provide mental health assessments to patients. It's very bad that you have not been prioritised. However, your GP can also ring the MH team to fast track the referral. You should not have been sent home to fend for yourself, although I'm sure your husband, family and friends are a good support. Another idea if you're having a bad day (or night) is to ring the Samaritans 08457 909090 or email jo@samaritans.org.

Take very good care of yourself. We are all thinking of you.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Just wondering how you are coping and how you week has been?

Take very good care of yourself.

morait22 profile image
morait22

Well I'm still alive.....had my hair cut really short as the bugs were driving me barmy 😂😂😂 Advised to go A&E once again by SS as they were checking ensuring the children aren't at risk. Got another assessment Wed as couldnt attend A&E due to childcare so HV has arranged appt with duty team but been told can't have the MHT to me because i'm not deemed a high risk so I have to basically wait till my consultant appointment on 8th Oct x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

So pleased to hear you're as well as you can be. If the MHT can't visit you, can you arrange appointments just to check in with them until you see the consultant on 8th? I'm surprised your GP hasn't put his foot down and been more active in getting specialist advice. Can you have a CPN as well as the HV?

I know it's very difficult with family to care for but if you just keep attending A & E when you need to your consultant will have an idea of how many times you have felt in crisis when he eventually sees you on 8th October. It's reassuring that you have good support from your husband and friends.

You are coping so well under the circumstances. To say it's not easy for you would be an understatement. Stay safe and keep in touch if you can.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait

It's really good to hear from you. I am shocked again by the lack of support from mental health services - especially if you even have SS visiting you and telling you to go to A&E. I hope it was OK with SS, in the end perhaps they can get you help - and advocate that you get help if they have concerns.

I would just really encourage you to use all the services you have - HV, GP and A&E - and bring all info about PP with you. like Lilybeth says the more times you go to A&E the more seriously they'll take it. And as I said keep writing a diary - or your husband - of any unusual behaviour / thoughts / your moods etc.

take care Morait, keep writing whenever you need to, I am thinking of you a lot X

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi Moriat,

I'm so sorry to hear that things continue to be hard for you, but thanks for getting back in touch and letting us know how you are getting on. How frustrating to have to wait until October and having to go to A&E. Then Social Services on top of everything... were they able to offer you any support or are they just looking in on the children? They should also have a responsibility to you, or at least contact Adult Services too (but I understand it can be hard having them involved).

I think it was mentioned earlier and you couldn't then, but is there any way you can get an appointment with the APP 2nd Opinion Service now? With you having to wait so long for your lead psychiatrist? I accessed this service when I was waiting to see a psychiatrist in my 2nd pregnancy - as the local team had a delay like yours although mine was until I was 8 months pregnant, I saw Ian Jones when 6 or 7 months. It just might help reassure you. I hadn't had the 1st opinion, but having that really might help you.

My GP referred me, can you get your supportive HV to speak to them? Or go see them separately? I know these things probably aren't easy to do but I really hope you are able to get some further support. Keep on going to A&E as you need to, annoying as that may be too. Take care, we're all thinking of you, xx

morait22 profile image
morait22

Thank you for your support! I really appreciate it.....the GP & HV are doing everything they possibly can but still getting no further. It is very frustrating but with 4 children I have no option to carry on regardless of what is happening even though at times its extremely difficult. I will keep you updated xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Moriat

You are very welcome to our support as we have all been in your shoes at one time or another. It's good to see how strong and positive you are in spite of all the disappointment you have had trying to find professional support for yourself.

Take very good care and keep in touch if you can. We are all here to lean on.

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi Morait

I hope the rest of the week has been ok for you, it sounds like you're doing as much as you can with your children which is helping you through. I understand your frustration but carrying on for the children is a good thing to recognize. I hope you've had some more support from the professionals or got something set up for the next week or so?

We're thinking of you anyway, and I hope you have some nice things planned for the weekend (or nothing at all which can be just as nice at times). Take care, xx

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait, Hope you are coping ok this week and hanging in there. Thinking of you X

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Just wondering how you are after your last post.

We are all here for you. Stay safe and take care.

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi Morait,

I was just wondering how you are doing too, no worries if you are busy (I know how it gets!) but if you feel like logging on and letting us know how things are going, it would be lovely to hear from you. Take care, xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Just wondering how you are. Have you been away on holiday?

Take very good care of yourself.

morait22 profile image
morait22

Sorry haven't been in contact but the children have been keeping me very busy with days out! I'm keeping positive but just so tired....they have started to take me off sertraline over the next few weeks as they want a true diagnostic assessment in October as they cannot 'fathom' me as I'm aware of what's happening. Due to this social services have set up a family planning meeting so its all fun & games over the next 5 weeks but the end will soon be here x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

You are doing so well to be positive considering how you have had to muddle through without much medical support, except from HV, GP, family and friends. It must all be very tiring going to meetings to explain yourself. Still, October is not too far away, although you shouldn't have had to wait so long.

Take good care of yourself ......... try to rest when you can, although it's not easy with four treasures but always a joy.

morait22 profile image
morait22

I know its not far away but seems like a lifetime as It is exhausting....I'm half the person I used to be as in I've lost a lot of weight & shaved all my hair off but there is ALWAYS a positive out of any negative situation - my 4 treasures even though they don't feel mine & at times I dont care I know they are & all this will end soon enough to be a 'proper' mum x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

I'm not surprised you're exhausted .... coping with routine and the effects of PP can be soul destroying. You are already an amazing 'proper' mum as you have somehow battled to stay at home for your children. All the stress has probably been a factor in your weight loss and you have great strength to see a positive from a negative.

Be very proud ........ at times it can seem like an endless journey but you will get there. I'm sure the priceless hugs from your four treasures will sustain you until then.

Take good care

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait

It’s really good to hear from you again. I’m so sorry you’re still struggling. But it’s so clear you’re trying to hold onto the positive through it all, which is really inspiring. I found that it one of the factors that got me through, and the love for my beautiful son, which is clearly how you feel too. You will get through this and get better.

It does sound like the professionals are not sure what is happening with you. I hope the meeting goes well? I just wanted to remind you again of the APP second opinion service app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

It may be really helpful as Dr Ian Jones is a leading perinatal psychiatrist and he may be able to help your own psychiatrist / care team about possible treatment.

Take care, and never hesitate to write

morait22 profile image
morait22

They did offer me a bed a few weeks ago when I had an episode but they said it is in my best interest to stay at home with the children as I would cope with the situation better as I am staying strong for them even though there is a risk of self harm to myself my husband is a stay at home dad so is with me 24/7 & is monitoring me & informing appropriate services. It is because of my awareness thatthey are sstruggling even though when I have an episode everything is real but sub consciously I'm aware its not so am fighting the thoughts all the time. You ladies have given me more strength and the encouragement to fight for what I believe & I will be taking the information of the second opinion with me when i have my assessment.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

I'm sorry to hear you were struggling a few weeks ago to the point of almost being hospitalised. I was treated at home with my second son and admitted to general psych care in times of crises (which from my notes happened quite often) for treatment. My first son was six years old. My husband was also on 24/7 'watch' and when he went to work my parents would visit me. I must have been such a worry but as you say, at the time everything is real. It's very exhausting to fight these thoughts and you are doing really well without much professional support.

Although there is a diagnosis of PP in my notes, I had no idea of this until I had the good fortune to meet the then Dr Ian Jones and some of the APP research team a few years ago. He very kindly came to my home and a few days later, following sight of my notes, was able to confirm that I had suffered PP after both sons were born. I have goose bumps thinking about it even now ......... it was such a big weight lifted that had held me down for so long.

I really hope you can stay as positive as you have been without too many 'dips' during these last weeks before your appointment. We are all here to help along the way.

Take very good care of yourself.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait

That's good to hear your husband is with you all the time so at least you can be safe, I hope he is coping OK too.

That's great you're all ready to take all the info in with you to the appointment, including the info about second opinion service.

I really hope it goes well and you get more support, I will be thinking of you X

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi morait, I've been away and just catching up so was pleased to see your updates even though it has been tough at times for you. And what a great support your husband has been, like others have said. Is he getting chance to relax too? I know I quite further on in my recovery tried to give him time away from me to do his own thing, although if I'm honest I wanted him close for reassurance. It's a tricky balance at times.

October will soon be here for your next appointment (even tho it's rubbish you've had to wait). I hope having the details of the 2nd opinion service will help you and also feel prepared to get things over that you want and need. I remember more than once waiting for psychiatrist appts and they were over too quick and feeling disappointment. But I am sure you will be able to get the support you need, you are doing so well battling through and being there for your children. Take care, xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

I hope you have had a better week. Not much longer until October though long enough for you I imagine. Hopefully your appointment is at the beginning of that month? Has your HV and GP been supporting you?

Not easy but try to stay positive. We are all here to lean on.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Just wondering how you are. I'm sure you have been busy with your children going back to school. I hope you are as well as you can be and staying positive. Those lovely hugs from your children are probably keeping you strong.

Take good care of yourself.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Sorry to crowd your inbox but just wondering how you are? Hope you are managing .... October next week so here’s hoping you won’t be waiting much longer to see the Consultant.

Stay safe ...... I’m sure the warm hugs from your family have kept your spirits up this far .... not much longer now.

Take very good care. We are all thinking of you.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

October has finally arrived for you ....... though wet and windy here. I really hope that having the appointment this month with a Psychiatrist will be a turning point for you.

Stay safe and take good care.

morait22 profile image
morait22

Thank you for all your support.....I have been diagnosed with cycolmia which is mild bipolar and prescribed aripiprozale. He cannot diagnoseddiagnose me accurately as I am over the worst of my symptoms but PP & menopause have been brought up. I go back in 2 months after more monitoring and he will do referral for Dr. Ian Jones. My Dr. Jones is absolutely astounded as to why I have been left so far especially since hallucinating both visual & audio & my husband being at high risk since day 1.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait

It was really good to hear from you again. It must be such a relief to have been seen by a psychiatrist and to get some kind of diagnosis and hopefully meds that will help. It is absolutely shocking though that it has taken this long for you to get his kind of help. I don’t know if you feel able to make a formal complaint about that? It’s obviously had a huge negative impact on you and your family.

That’s so good you’ve been referred to Dr Ian Jones. I am sure that will be a really positive thing for you, I have only heard good about him, and he is a specialist in perinatal mental health.

I am glad to hear as well you’re over the worse of the symptoms and hope you continue to get better.

Take care X

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Thanks for letting us know how you are. It sounds a little disappointing that you have waited so long and still have to wait another two months. The light at the end of your very dark tunnel will be meeting Dr Ian Jones. You will be able to breathe a huge sigh of relief that you have been listened to and understood in your consultation.

You have done really well coping with the visual and audio hallucinating as it is all very real and frightening at the time. Your husband and children have been a great support and have kept you safe.

I really hope you will have peace of mind soon. I know it's not been easy for you but you should be very proud of how much dignity and courage you have had to come this far.

We are all here for you. Stay safe and take good care.

morait22 profile image
morait22

Its nice to know I'm not alone throughout all of this. Remaining positive has been an absolute nightmare and at times especially this last week I've become extremely close to suicide again and pushing everyone away. I know its a blip but when your mentally exhausted its difficult to see any other way out. I cannot fault my psychiatrist he has been amazing and is disappointed with the care I have received.....I will be putting in a huge complaint and have already sought legal advice. Tbh I think I've had an incorrect diagnosis and am on the wrong medication as half of my notes weren't there and Dr. Jones wasn't fully aware of the situation plus I was on a par that day. On a plus SS have shut the case so onwards and upwards xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

That's so true......... you are definitely not alone ....we are all with you as well as your very supportive husband, family and friends. I'm sorry to hear you despaired last week but that you were able to fight those feelings of dread. I have been in that pit of despair (thinking the unthinkable) and am so proud that you have made it through another week.

I think the way you have been treated is on a par with negligence as you have been left to fend for yourself with minimal medical care. Perhaps you should wait until you feel much stronger to go through such a process and all the stress it might entail? At least SS had the good sense to back off ....... so onwards and upwards as you say ...... it's just shameful that you have to wait another two months but don't worry as we are all here waiting with you.

Stay safe and take very good care of yourself.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi morait, so sorry to hear that you have felt low this past week. is your doctor going to refer you to Dr Jones in Cardiff now or do you have to wait 2 months? It sounds like getting a second opinion from a specialist psychiatrist is something you really need. That is good you are taking legal advice and official complaint if you feel up to it. It is shocking your lack of care.

Take care, hang in there, and yes you are most definitely not alone xx

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner in reply to Ellie_at_APP

Ps and so good ss are no longer involved. that's a huge step in your recovery which you've managed with such minimal professional support x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

Just wondering how your week has been and hope you have managed to stay positive. It's coming up to half-term so perhaps you will be able to have a break from routine for a while?

Take good care of yourself. We are all here for you.

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi morait, catching up on your updates now and good to hear that you are staying positive and seeing some light at the end of the tunnel even though it's been hard still for you. I'm also relieved for you that the social services case has been closed. Please don't hesitate to reach out for any help if you do need it though, and keep talking to us, we're all here for you, take care, xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

I hope you are still remaining as well as you can be. Are you any closer to being referred after monitoring?

Take good care of yourself. We are all here for you.

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi Morait,

I hope you're doing OK and have managed to get the appointments and support you need. Please feel free to write and let us know how you're getting on and ask any more questions if that would be helpful to you. Take care, we're all thinking of you, xx

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Just wondering how you are? Are you any nearer to being referred after monitoring? I hope the comfort of home and the love of your children is helping you to remain positive.

Take very good care of yourself.

morait22 profile image
morait22

Sorry I haven't been in touch....felt really low due to medication I was prescribed so they changed it to Depakote which completely depersonalised myself so now on Risperidone. I was meant to be reviewed in December but had car troubles so had to wait till few weeks ago as appts take 2 months to come. Its still early days so have no idea of effect yet but still remaining positive. Things have calmed down & I am sleeping better but still have moments.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Morait

Please don't apologise ........ the forum is here whenever you feel like talking. Sometimes sitting in front of a screen is the last thing you feel like doing if you're not up to it.

I'm sorry you've had a bad time finding a medication that works for you. I hope Risperidone will have a good effect although I don't have any experience of this. Are you also being treated for cycolmia which you mentioned?

I'm glad you're sleeping better. Will you still be referred to Prof Jones at APP for his opinion? You have faced so many hurdles in your recovery. I hope you still have support from your Health Visitor and team.

Take very good care of yourself. I'm sure your treasured children keep you positive with their love and hugs. Don't worry about replying ..... we are all thinking of you.

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi Morait

It's good to hear from you again. Like Lilybeth says no need to apologise at all about not being on here, the forum is here whenever you want or need it.

It sounds like you’ve had some ups and downs, but that things are generally calmer. That’s good to hear. I hope the changes in meds will help you. People respond so differently to meds sometimes it takes a while to find the best ones for you.

I hope you are coping ok, do write whenever you need to. Hang in there, you are getting better. XX

morait22 profile image
morait22

Thank you for your lovely comments. The support I've received is beyond words. My hubby is being very supportive and the children are amazing considering what they have been through. Yes they are treating me for cyclothymic disorder which is mild bipolar. Tbh I'm not sure what's happening about the second opinion....I have mentioned it but heard nothing. My Dr has been fab & is always at end of phone if need be. The medication seems to be working even though I've had a few wobbles due to the decrease & change but I think long term it my need increasing but will take time to find right dosage x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

Really good to hear you are having such good support from family and your care team. Has your Dr referred you for a second opinion or is he just observing you for now? How reassuring that is to have your Dr available if you need him. I think he realises what a raw deal you had in the beginning.

I really hope the medication continues to work for you. It really does make a difference when the right dose is found to suit you. It's good that your sleep is better too. You're doing so well to stay positive with all that has been thrown at you ...... we are all here to lean on.

Stay safe and take care.

morait22 profile image
morait22

He is just observing at the minute as the medication I'm on seems to be working even though some adjustments are being made. I still have my moments especially with hitting a depressive stage now which needs to be treated with medication. It has been the toughest year of my life but I'm so grateful of the support you have all given me it had made life easier to deal with even when I felt I was at my lowest x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

It's so good to hear from you.  I'm glad the medication seems to be working and adjusted to suit you.  I'm sorry you have hit the depressive stage ....it's so hard to lift yourself up isn't it and to carry on with routine?  I think you have had such courage to cope with everything this past year.  Hopefully when your doctor has observed you he will decide if you would benefit from a second opinion.  I have to say when I met Dr Jones it was such a relief, even though years after my PP, so I hope you are given this chance.

I'm sure your husband and treasured children continue to be your motivation to fight against your low moods and we are all here to support you whenever you need us. x

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi Morait,

I hope you are having a nice weekend, hitting a low stage in your recovery can be difficult to manage, and it's good to hear that the medication is helping a little.  I guess there are no easy answers, only to hang on in there and just know that things will get easier over time.  

I had the 2nd opinion service and found that I needed to check that the referral had been sent and had arrived, and it had to go twice as it was lost in the post!  Something you might want to ask your Dr but it's good to hear he is being supportive of you.

Take care and keep chatting to us here if it's helping.  All the best, xx

Ellie_at_APP profile image
Ellie_at_APPPartner

Hi morait it is lovely to hear from you again. 

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling depressed, I too had that after pp. it was really tough but I promise you will slowly get better. I hope you're getting the support that you need and you feel you can cope. Do write here whenever you need to. Take care xx 

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

Just wondering how you are now?  Have you been referred to Prof Jones for a second opinion yet ..... surely the observations must be over by now?  I'm so sorry if you're still in the depressive stage.  At the time it does seem endless but you will fully recover with good medical care and all the support you have from your loving family.  I think I said before how meeting Prof Jones answered so many questions for me and I hope you are given that opportunity.

We are all thinking of you and here if it helps to talk but don't worry about replying.

Take very good care.  

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello morait

I know you are probably busy with your treasured family but I just wondered how you are? Has your mood lifted at all from the depressive stage? I really hope you are finding life easier ...... you certainly deserve a break.

Take very good care of yourself.

Hannah_at_APP profile image
Hannah_at_APPAdministrator

Hi morait, I hope that things are improving for you over the last few weeks. You've had a tough time, but you can get to where you want to be, hang on in there, we are here to listen and chat. Take care, xx

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