How to support

[Jane110]

My daughter has postpartum Psychosis and as her only support I'm struggling. I'm her mum... anyone experienced similar.... Please x

[bluestarlady]

Hi Jane

So sorry to hear you are struggling - it sounds very difficult for you. Is your daughter in a mother and baby unit or at home? Do you have a team of community support workers who could come out and help you? I had PPP two years ago and I know it was a difficult time for my family so you are not alone and I promise you your daughter will get better. Can you engage the professionals more to help you as they will be far more experienced in dealing with PPP and similar? It's a horrible thing for anyone to go through (either with or supporting someone) but you perhaps need to ask the team supporting your daughter what support/advice/practical help is also available to you and know that there is a network of people on this forum who have been there in one guise or another to reach out to. Sarah x

[Jane110 in reply to bluestarlady]

Thank you.... I have had some great and quick support from professionals. My daughter is at home but her little baby is in SCBU still. I just want to help as much as I can to get her well.

[JonesieB Volunteer]

Hi Jane110,

I am so sorry to hear your daughter is poorly, I had PP in 2005 and I understand what a worrying time this must be for you. My Mum was an amazing support to me when I was ill and she wrote this post for other Mum's supporting their daughters. I hope you find this helpful.

Warmest wishes to you and your daughter and keep holding on to the comforting thought that in time, she will recover.

JonesieB

A GRANNY'S PP EXPERIENCE - supporting your daughter

(posted on behalf of my mother who was by my side throughout)

The arrival of my daughter's first baby was awaited with great excitement after nine months of trouble free pregnancy during which every care and nurturing of the baby had taken place.

The birth of our little granddaughter was at forty-one weeks, induced and by epidural, and all went well.

With great excitement, happy anticipation and love we travelled to London to meet her. A joyous time indeed, all was wonderful.

Our new little family went home to start this new chapter in their lives but on day five, however, all was to change. My daughter suffered a panic attack at home and was re-admitted to the unit where our granddaughter had been born, amid real confusion as to what was happening to her and a psychiatrist had been called in to see her.

My daughter?? A beautiful, positive, competent, funny young lady! What on earth was going on?

My daughter and I had always had a very close and loving relationship through both happy and difficult times, as is life, and it was therefore a devastating blow to me and to my husband that amidst all this confusion my daughter stated that she did not wish to see us any more. I later understood this was the illness talking.

The next few days were clouded with the pain and guilt that I felt and above all, utter bewilderment. If only I knew where to turn for help but I had no place to go for advice. If only there had been a forum like this one available so I could ask questions and seek reassurance.

After a few days of this, my daughter had been seen by the psychiatrist, diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis and admitted to a psychiatric clinic but thankfully for me, had asked my husband and I to go to see her.

We went immediately to see her and her poor husband and dear little baby. I found my daughter heart-broken, bewildered, anxious, and so sad. The very opposite of her usual self. Where had my daughter gone??

Information was scant, I'd never heard of PP, although I'd worked in hospitals for 30 years and the sadness I felt for my daughter, her lovely husband and their beautiful little girl was truly profound.

The anger had gone from my daughter now and we resumed our close bond and as my son-in-law had now to return to work, I moved to London to their home and helped look after my grand-daughter, Monday - Friday. My overriding concern was that, if possible, my daughter should bond closely with her baby and therefore each day we would arrive at the clinic as early as possible and stay until my son-in-law arrived after work at 7pm, when he and my gran-daughter would be with my daughter together for an hour or so and then the three of us would travel back to their home for the night. My poor son-in-law, it was all so wrong that he should be with his mother-in-law not his wife and heart breaking for my daughter that she was left behind in the clinic alone and without her baby and husband. With hindsight it would have been so much better if she'd been in a mother and baby unit, but we swept along with the perceived decisions of the professionals she was under.

During each day, my daughter and I would do the simple tasks of looking after a newborn, feeding, changing, cooing, washing etc and each day we'd take her for a walk in her pram in the fresh air of Regents Park. My daughter was so sad and so anxious, but did brilliantly at looking after her baby, against such odds. My mantra was "you will get better darling (but would she??) "let's just take it one day at a time.” Constant encouragement and love was all I knew!

This cruel regime lasted for nine interminable weeks and my daughter, although not yet well, was discharged and came down to stay with my husband & me with, of course, her husband and new baby.

It took a few more months, further and different medication from an expert perinatal psychiatrist locally, and being in a loving family unit with every possible support for the gradual return of our darling daughter to us. Six months on from the birth, my daughter with her new family, moved into their new home to pick up their lives together.

Today, nine years on from this heartbreaking time, my daughter is 100% her normal wonderful self, she and her daughter having the closest of mother/daughter relationships, and with the addition of my little grandson, three years after the first birth, (and with absolutely no hint of problems after his birth) the four of them are an exemplary model of a happy family.

Deo Gratias.

For any fellow Granny’s who are experiencing something similar, all I believe we can do is to be as reassuring, loving, positive, and practically useful as possible, even though you feel despairingly sad inside! You will get there and this dramatic illness thankfully has a very good prognosis.

[Nic_at_APP]

Hi Jane110,

Really sorry to hear about your daughter having PP. I too has PP in 2004 after my daughter was born and she was also in SCBU for a short time, so I can really appreciate the situation you are in. It is very stressful, with all the concerns for the baby and so terrifying and overwhelming for the mother to cope with PP aswell. As Anna and her mum have mentioned, having family supporting you through this illness is so very important and needed at this time. We have developed a partner guide which can be downloaded from our website via this link app-network.org/what-is-pp/... - this will help you too I'm sure, as I goes through everything you need to know at this time and what you can do to help practically and emotionally. There is also a recovery guide on there for mum's which I am sure your daughter would like to read when she is getting better.

Please take comfort from the fact that women do fully recover from this illness and go on to live normal lives with their children, we are living proof. Please take all he help the health professionals are offering as you also need to keep yourself well....and don't forget to ask for more help from them if you need it. Can I ask she been assessed by a Perinatal Psychiatrist? I would think one of her greatest needs at the moment would be to get plenty of sleep, if you can help her achieve this in between hospital visits that would help a lot.

Please keep talking to us and let us know how things are going,

warm regards

Nic

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Jane

Sorry to hear about your daughter and the trauma of course that you are going through too. I hope some of what people have said is helpful, especially Jonsie's post from her mum.

I just wanted to say my parents were a total godsend to me when I was ill. I was in a MBU - and in the midst of utter depression I remember my mum hugging me and telling me I was her baby and how much she loved me - at the time I felt completely numb but in some way it went in and now I treasure that memory and I did feel their support though at the time and they really made a difference in my recovery, though I'm sure they felt completely helpless and felt they weren't making a difference. You don't need to do much for your daughter, just being there really is enough I found.

Really thinking of you - and I hope another grandma sees your post, there have been a few on this forum, who can reply to you and support you.

Take care

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Jane110

How are you coping with your daughter and newborn? Is the baby still in SCU? It must be a very worrying time for you but being so supportive to your daughter means a lot.

When I had PP for the first time many years ago I was sectioned to general psychiatric care. At the time I wasn't aware of my surroundings as I was very ill ......... I wasn't aware of anyone for a long time but apparently my mum visited me every day and family visits were a blessing and comfort in my full recovery. It was a very difficult time for my husband and parents who did not have the support offered today.

I hope your daughter is responding to treatment and your treasured grandchild is well. It is also very important that you have support for yourself at such a stressful time. Rest assured your daughter will be well again eventually.

[andrea_at_app Volunteer APP]

Hi Jane110, as the others have said, family support is so important & you actually don't have to do much, just being there is often enough. My mum was such a great help in getting me through it all, even when she didn't understand the illness & I'm sure she was incredibly worried herself. She'd ring me every morning to check in on me, to make sure I'd got up, got dressed, eaten etc. & to help me plan my day - it was so helpful & meant so much. Also just being there for me to visit her when I felt up to it (my friends weren't really around then as I wasn't up to engaging with them at all) - I needed somewhere 'safe' to go where I could spend a quiet morning, drinking tea, sitting in the garden etc. Just getting out of the house was so helpful. Eventually she took me on little shopping & cafe trips, I'm sure I wasn't good company at all but it was definitely helpful. She was actually the one who first saw the initial signs of me recovering. I'd like to add that our relationship actually improved & we were much closer after PP.

Are you nearby & can you visit her or her visit you? How are you finding your help is received? I'm pretty independent but I'm so grateful that she helped in 'mothering' me when I needed it, even in little ways. It was the little things she did for me, as I'm sure you're doing for your daughter now, that were so helpful. If you haven't seen it yet, you might find this guide on Recovery useful, probably from pg 11 onwards: app-network.org/wp-content/...

Wishing you all the best, we're here anytime if you have any questions at all.