Recovery relapse

[bravesurvivor411]

Hi everyone,

Im moving along well in my recovery. Im currently taking lamictal (mood stabilizer) and prozac. Im hoping to eventually get off the meds. Along with that ive been doing holistic therapies like accupunture and chiropractic adjustments. Im feeling very stable now but i am constantly worried about relapse of a psychotic episode or depression. Any thoughts of moving through these feelings?

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi atrautman,

It's good to hear you're doing so well.

It's natural to be afraid of relapse and it does get easier with time. I'm 2 and a half years down the line and would say I've felt noticeably a lot better about things in the last 6-12 months. Your brain has 'let you down' in a big way and it's hard to trust that it won't just happen again without warning like last time. There is a risk so it's also very sensible to be alert to that, but it's a balance of looking after yourself and being aware should you start to recognise any signs and symptoms, but also being able to get on and enjoy life without living in constant dread. But I think the more time goes by without anything happening, the easier it gets. For a long time I'd be terrified every time I had a bad night or noticed I was talking more quickly, but I don't worry so much now (though it's always at the back of my mind). I know my work colleagues were keeping a quiet eye on me too, and everyone at home, so I found that reassuring, that it wasn't all down to me to monitor myself.

I know a lot of people keep a kind of mood diary so that might help in monitoring any changes in mood. I didn't suffer any depression but certainly had ups and downs. Don't feel disappointed if you feel you're doing really well one week then feel you've gone backwards the next, it's all completely normal and part of the recovery process, it's a lot to come to terms with and don't underestimate the severity of what you went through.

Try to reduce and avoid stressful situations where you can, look after yourself and take time to recognise how far you've come and how well you're doing. It will get easier.

I hope this helps a bit. Take care.

Best wishes x

[bravesurvivor411 in reply to Jenny_at_APP]

Thanks jb55

That does help to hear your response. Im so glad to have this forum! Its hard to find others in the states for support on this specific illness. Im glad im not alone!

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi atrautman, great to hear your update and that you're doing so well. As JB55 said, it's difficult but try and not let things worry you. I know that it took me time to get past the early days and feel more confident that I wouldn't get ill again. Do you have any professionals monitoring you? Whilst I had a community nurse come and visit me at home, she was a very "normal" person and sometimes it didn't feel like she was a professional which helped me. Knowing that people are looking out for you is a great comfort too.

It's good to be self-aware, and noting down thoughts or feelings might be helpful for you. I kept a diary (and had done for years) so it was nice to keep doing that - it was one of the 5 year ones where you could see everything from previous years, which was nice to look back on. I write about the everyday stuff and always have done, but I know when there were the blanks from when I'd not written in as I was in hospital, it made me feel sad... But then it was great to reflect whilst writing what I'd done that day, even silly little things, and to know I'd come so far. Looking back 2/3 or more years was odd in a way to think I'd had a life-changing event as I'd had a baby, but also a big illness. But I enjoy, and still do, reflecting on the good and bad and not dwelling on things too much.

Try not to get too concerned with meds, I know I was on an anti-psychotic for a year and mood stabiliser for 3 + years which I found incredibly frustrating at times but I realise it was for the best and helped in my recovery. Try and do something you enjoy every day, whether it's a chapter of your favourite book, a trashy magazine (I love those!) or having a nice biscuit with your morning drink. Little things can then build up to the bigger ones and it's positive to have a sense of worth and achievement. Some days will be hard, but there's always the next day to look forward to. Cherishing time with your baby and family is the main thing - it's a cliché but the time really does fly and they'll never be this little again!

Take care, hope you're getting ready for Christmas too - as others have said, having time out to relax is good too, enjoy it, xx

[bravesurvivor411 in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Hi spanner b

Thanks for your encouraging words. I do have a care team in place. My family and friends a therapist and new psych doctor. My last one was a jerk!