Depression and anxiety

I have improved a lot, coping with my depression/ anxiety and learning how to live a more positive life. It started around 8th grade, maybe 13 years old? High school was extremely hard to get through for me, because my anxiety sky rocketed after 9th grade. When i was a freshman, my mom left my dad, and my sister always moved out to live with her partner at the time was. My sister kinda destroyed my confidence in everything when i was a pubescent teen. But it was just me and my dad most of my high school experience. I love my dad to death I would do anything for him, but he coukdmt really help me in my times of need, as a teen. I was super depressed in those time, but i never talked about it. Even though there wasn much emotional support, he helped me through everything else. He's the one who raised me and my sister while my mom left (twice actually.) But I'm 19 now, graduated high school, and waiting for financial aid to start college classes, got a job as a cashier at a food lion, have a 94 Ford Taurus. You know, starting out small lol but I still get depressed and I still have anxiety issues on occasion. I have a boyfriend who's in the army. We have dated for a year and half now and it's the happiest iv ever been with anyone in my life ever. He supported me through online school and continuing my education after that. He brought me up from the deep hole I was in. Before him, I was with a guy who would take advantage of my on a daily basis. I mean I know I know woman have all rights to say no and all that, but when youre actually in that position, it's easier said than done. Is a time like what I was in at that time, you feel so voulnerabale and worthless you begin to actually believe you are. Therefore you treat yourself as such. But anyways iv learned so much from all my past experiences of anxiety and depression. My boyfriend now doesn't fully understand how deep my feelings of anxiety truely are

I think he looks at them as surface problems you can brush off, but if you're someone like me, it's way more than that. I think he looks it also, as complaining, whenever I tell him how I feel. We are still working on our communication together. We are still young and still learning. Buy I really do feel he doesn't actually understand how deep my anxiety is. Iv felt alone all my life, even though I had a best friend for 11 years. I felt alone even with "someone to talk to" and I feel alone now to be honest. I have a boyfriend and I STILL feel alone. I wish he didn't get angry with me being depressed. I'm going through a pretty confusing time in life as you might see. But I'm trying so hard to figure out how to cope with my depression more and figure out how to "adult" at the same time. I'm joining the club called life! Lol but yeah, that might be an unorganized rant but I would like to know how some other people feel, ad if you feel the same as me. And if so how do you cope? What would you do? I basically feel like I have prolonged depression if that makes sense. Because even though I'm happy on the outside (sometimes) I still always go back to being depressed somehow. Little things trigger it. Help?


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