Well it's me again, 7am St Patrick's Day and I am up and about already thinking about my woes. I work up at 4am after hearing a noise and went into panic mood, heart racing, dry move, couldn't breathe. I managed to talk myself out of it with deep breathing and then I looked at my favourite Facebook page. It's a page full of pictures and quotes, it's all about being positive and trying to see things differently. It puts some rationality in my brain and takes my focus away from negative thoughts.
So what's my big plan today, number one is routine. I have been off on holiday for a week and although I love being at home I seem to have less distractions and more time to worry. So keep busy today, my mother in law is visiting, in the past this would have been a major anxiety trigger. She is a nice enough person but very opinionated to the point of being rude and hurtful. This has caused me massive anxiety in the past until I learnt it was her own insecurities that made her this way. So now I am polite and make allowances and try to see the good.
It helps me to think of previous anxiety triggers and how I have dealt with them, so I can try and overcome this latest attack.
So back to routine, I always walk the dog first thing. Recently I have been trying to find the best time to go, making sure hubby is asleep, sneaking out the door so my neighbour doesn't hear me leave and thinks it's ok to play music at 8am. The poor dog has been having shorter and shorter walks because I worry if I am away from the house something will happen. I am sure all this sounds ridiculous but it's a pattern of fear instilled in my head. If I need to go shopping I take hubby with me just in case.....
I think these words kind of sum up my thinking.... I need to be there just in case something happens.
Another day, feeling okay
Another day chasing my tail
Another Hopeless Nightmare at the ER
Argh another day of feeling fuzzy and low...
