geting back on my feet needed

[hier]

hi im deprest ive lived with this for 15 years. I downt sleep i downt feel worthy of a girl freind job or money. I beleve this is down to liveing with a abusive bully my dad and takeing years or abuse at high school at home and as a child. I am back liveing at home and can not cope even being in same house as my dad i sleep allot and can not focus i eat very little and am i isolated in my room at the age of 35 i feel like a falior. And carnt see a way out i allso think off death allot. My dad and family will deny anything that i bring up that has happend in past. I downt think i can forgive my dad as he now lies about it saying it dident hapen with this saint look on his face. I need out off house no money, dole have signed me off any tips for geting back on my feet apresheated. I used to ern a grand a week bricklaying but can not seem to get going. Liveing with this man my confidence is rock bottom and if he sees any sighn of improvement he will put me back down with a sly dig out off ear shot off my mother who beleves him over me like calling me pathetic or saying im upseting my mum. I wont go on pills and i am due for councelling i beleve i need out off house any sugestions would be apresheated.I have allready had 2 major breakdowns in past year.

[Hidden]

My Love

Sounds you are in a bad place at the moment

You are not a faliure for a start , you suffer with an illness & if you suffered with something that was on the outside & not in , you wouldnt see yourself as a faliure , neither is this hun

My dad was never very good to me as a child , I wasnt abused , but he certainly knew how to put me down & still does even though I am 50 , a mum ,grandma , he can still have that power over me ...if I let him ...which nowadays i dont

When i bring up things he will denie it to , I think deep down they no , but are to ashamed ..or should be

Right you need to get yourself well first , try not to dwell on your dad , he doesnt deserve your time , have you asked at Council about getting some where else to live or CAB , tell them the truth how things are at home , you have nothing to be ashamed of , hopefully when you open up on this councelling you are due , they should support you

Please contact housing & CAB over this, get support from your GP

Things will get better , this is a slow process , but little steps you will get there & people will support you on here along the way , you are not alone

Love

whywhy

xxx

[hier in reply to Hidden]

hi thanks for reply ile tell counseler and hopefully get out tis year tanks again love martin

[stewartmays1]

go to your local council and ask to be put on the housing register and get your own flat this may take some time but it will be the best thing you can ever do trust me.being depressed is a fucker but there are some things you can do try and build up the courage to see your doctor he/she can give you some help in the way of counseling and maybe some meds if you decide to take them.

[hier in reply to stewartmays1]

hi thanks for reply ile tell counceler when i see then and hopefully get out this year is nice to know there are nice people out there