Advice needed, am on a downward spiral had thought I had concuered all my demons.

[mixedupmrs]

Well new to this site, so any advice is truly appreciated. Its a long story but I will try to condense it. Ten years ago was in an abusive contrilling marriage suffered depression and alcoholism, went to a rehab for six months leaving my kids in the care of my sister. Came out a new woman, started life again, have been strong ever since but always on medication for depression. Met my new partner in 2007 got married, moved from home/area of 25yrs, kids not happy even though grown up and own lives. We have had a rollercoaster of problems got through them all, but have constant problems with family, mother puts me down, sister doesnot contact me if I want contact with family its up to me, they are awful to my husband, has all come to a head, in the last month started with feeling of panic, anxiousness, sick unable to do my job, husband not sure wether we can continue together, has gone away for six weeks to sort his head out, had enormous row with mother, told her fed up of putting me down, I am so depressed cannot perform in my job, after working so hard to get to the level i am at, just keep crying all the time, wake up with shakes and knots buterflies in the tummy, just want to stay in my bed its the only place i feel safe, Not many friends here, all alone, seen doctor has referred me as an emergency to get help probably with mental health, I just feel so guilty, useless, do not know what people want me to be, cannot afford to be off work but cannot cope with anything anymore. Sorry this is a book . just crying out for help i suppose.

[Hidden]

hi there and u have no need to say sorry for anything. i can relate to most of what u said. i was in abusive relationship with a man for 21yrs, drank and took drugs to cope got clean on my own. cold turkey was a killer but i got through it. we moved from london to the boondocks and my daughter was so unhappy and i felt responsible. i left him and have been with a woman for 10yrs now and am happy. same with family who found it hard to cope with me being gay and didnt talk for 3yrs but even b4 that it would be down to me to contact them all the time. i worked hard for years and wound up in a job that gave me so much emotional and physical stress that i quit 3 weeks ago and am now housebound and on meds coz i cant face the world. i think my soul has told my mind it needs a break from years of stress and i have to beleive it will get better. just be yourself, your children can cope im sure well they will have to. you have proberbly spent years pandering to others needs and now its time to take care of number one. so what if you go bonkers for a while. ive gone down the rocky road to dolally where im going to stay and have a holiday lol xxx you are not on your own, love and best wishes x

[mixedupmrs in reply to Hidden]

Hi, thankyou so much for your kind reply,its good to know i am not alone, and not the only bonkers one around, and cant face the world the thought of going back to work puts the fear fo god in me, but cannot afford not to work at the moment,hubby has been off work since last ju.ly as he got assaulted on duty and had to have neck surgery, one of the many problems we have been through lol..

anylove and good luck to you to and we will fight these problems.x