Health anxiety back and bites me in the bum!!

[Vanscotland]

Hi,just when you think you are feeling not too bad it comes back and hits you like a ton of bricks!!.with me no amount of councelling is getting rid of it,it just lurks around the corner waiting to pounce ,one little reminder a TV advert for cancer,or some bodily sore bit it's driving me mad,just wish I could get my life back and be the carefree person I used to be,(wishful thinking).All the checking and worrying its so tiring ,your brain never stops ,on and on!!.At present I don't have a life ,I go through the motions ,pretending to be happy and upbeat but it's all a front for other people as you are ashamed of the things you worry about and are afraid of what they will say if they find out.Im trying to stop my antidepressants and have reduced the dose,so maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit down,although they do help with the panic attacks,but been on them for 2 years and feel I just want to stop them.My councelling finished in nov,but going back to my old ways,checking,reassurance,avoiding things,sorry for the rant,but as you can guess having a bad day x

[marcusvanbreugel]

Dear Vanschotland,

I am sorry to read that you are having a difficult or rough or bad day. I hope that you feel better soon.

KIndest regards,

Marcus

[Vanscotland in reply to marcusvanbreugel]

Thanks x

[Hidden]

Hi Vanscotland

Not on my own feeling down then

Maybe its not the time to reduce your meds ? how about going to GP & having a word , as you have seen on my blog I will be going Thursday nxt week join me & lets see if we can both get out of this hole we are digging before it gets to deep

Thinking about you

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Vanscotland in reply to Hidden]

Thanks,I phoned today for another appointment with councillor and have got one for the 20 th march,quite a while away,and Iam slowly slipping back,had a major set back in dec ,when I thought I felt a lump in my breast ( but in my imagination again) and went on a works night out,and got too drunk ( never again) and fell down the stairs and fractured my wrist in three places,plate and pins in,hospital must have thought I was nuts,had to stay awake as scared I would not wake up,blood pressure was sky high,still off work for another 4 weeks,it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels like this ,( wish I could have a brain transplant to stop me being like this lol) ,lets know how you get on,tomorrow's another day as they say !! Take care xx

[Hidden in reply to Vanscotland]

Good job we all dont live in the same place , can you imagine us all at the same surgery lol

I to have gone through pain rather than go to sleep & I no they have thought I am crazy as well ...& thats what i always say if I could just swap my brain but we are stuck with the ones we have got , so we will have to start re programing them in

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

This comment has made me laugh. I got an image of the poor doctor who would have to deal with us all LOL :D..... No doubt he too would be on this site with us if that was the case

[Bramwell]

I can sympathise with you.

I've battled health anxiety off and on for 20 years now.

I can remember thinking 'wow it's gone' and feeling elated only to find myself Googling and terrified of some pain or sensation a few days/weeks or months later.

The b*gger doesn't ever seem to really go - it just hides in the background waiting to drop over you again like a big black cloak of worry.

[Vanscotland in reply to Bramwell]

Hi,I know they tell you ,that you will manage to control it but like you say it lurks in the background,just waiting .I used to google as well but I don't anymore,as I would end up having a nervous breakdown lol.As you have had it for 20 years,I don't think you can get rid of this,you just have to learn how to control it,but it's comforting I'm not alone,as no one speaks about it.xx

[fadedlizard]

Hi Van,

Hope you're feeling brighter today.

I'm not sure if it's that your counselling sessions didn't work so much as before they had had time to embed themselves into your thinking they were submerged by a huge medical event.

Be kind to yourself love, you had a really frightening and painful experience that would have traumatized a lot of us. Let's face it my first thought when I read your original post was "oh what a relief, if you injure yourself like that they can repair the damage by local if you yell loudly enough!!!!" Like you I am pathologically afraid of being knocked out. I would have made the same scene, guarenteed!!! Years ago it took me months to find a dentist who'd do all the work I needed doing under a local anasthetic. I'm scared stiff of the dentist too but the my fear of being put under was greater.

In an ideal world you would have been able to ring up your counsellor straight after your accident and arrange some emergency sessions so you could process what had happened to you. In reality as you know you're back waiting months to see someone. So frustrating and unnecessary. Try not to think you've gone back to square one. You haven't ~ you've just been knocked off course a bit.

Oh yes ~ and I'm totally with you. We need to set up a campaign to get all those cancer ads banned. I appreciate Health Promotion wants to increase awareness but some of us have all together too much awareness already!!!! What we need is to be able to watch tv, open a magazine or board a bus without having a advert induced panic attack!!!!

Take Care,

Love,

Lizard.xxx

[Vanscotland in reply to fadedlizard]

Hi,thanks for the comment,and I totally agree about too much advertising cancer.I am feeling better today,and yes hospital must have thought I was nuts lol,but my fear is so great I can't help it.Its good to hear that someone else is like me,makes me fell a bit better.I know I have to wait a while to see someone,and yes in an ideal world would be able to see one when I need one.Thanks again ,you have cheered e up a bit xx

[fadedlizard in reply to Vanscotland]

No you're definitely not alone.

Glad you're feeling a bit better

[ollann]

I also suffer anxiety the best thing i can say is try and ignore the feelings you get and remember they can not hurt you

[55lindylou]

Hi I am 57yrs and have had health anxiety since the age of 15yrs, have had counselling and cbt. The counsellor said I would eventually become my own counsellor and be able to process my thoughts, I have tried to do this but I seem to just go back to how I was. Anything to do with cancer I freak out. Just got an appointment through for a screening mammogram and I am convinced they will find something, finding it very hard to just think its a screening process. Wish I could be normal like other people, and just take things as they come instead of being a nervous wreck. Thanks for listening

[Vanscotland in reply to 55lindylou]

Hi,I know how you feel,at Christmas I was convinced I could feel a lump in my breast,I was alone at home ,so had one to many glasses of wine ,fell down the stairs and fractured my wrist in 3 places,had to have a plate inserted and a bone graft,still off work yet.Every niggle or feeling I have I automatically think cancer.My councelling ended in nov so I have made another app but that's not till 20 march.Dont know if you are the same but my anxiety starts to go in to other things like,not wanting to go out in case I meet someone with cancer or someone speaks to me about it,and all the TV and radio adverts ramming it down out throats cancer cancer.When I was in hospital would not go to sleep for op just had a block,hospital thought I was nuts lol,and just panicking all the time,in case they found something in my blood,ie cancer,o me I sound so dire lol,but no no one understands what we go through when we have this,I would not wish this on my worst enemy ,it's good to hear from someone ese like me take care xx

[55lindylou in reply to Vanscotland]

You sound exactly like me, I was laid in bed last night shaking my heart felt as though it was gunna explode. I'm the same I can't read, or watch a tv program if it mentions cancer. I keep thinking about wen I read my horoscope in the new year and it said, scorpios may have health issues in march. So in my tormented mind I keep thinking I will have this mammogram and it will show I will have cancer because I'm due to have it in march. I no this doesn't make sense to most people, but it's very real to me. Stopped my anti depressants last October but wonder if I should start taking them again, feel really down and at times suicidal even though I no I wouldn't do anything. I just want the feelings to go away. LOL to you all x

[Vanscotland in reply to 55lindylou]

Yes I know ,sometimes you just would like a day not to think about it,maybe you should take your pills again,I dropped down to 10 mg ,but I don't feel strong enough to stop them.I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you your not the only one,and yes I to have been suicidal but don't think I would do anything.I am sure your mammogram will be fine ,I'm the same with smear tests,it's panic mode when I'm due one,and I'd be exactly the same with a mammogram.I hope you have got someone who understands what you are going through,as its good to talk to someone. I am feeling not to bad at the moment but as you know it does not stay that way for long ,take care,thinking of you xx

[55lindylou]

Thank you for your reply I have the support of my husband and sister, but I hate to keep going on about it. It's also hard for people who don't have it to understand. Have started taking sertraline 50mg, feel abit of a failure cause only been off them for 4 months, started with awful sickness this usual lasts for about a week till I get used to taking them. Trying to put the cbt techniques into practice but its so hard, got all this chattering going on in my head. I'm sure you no what that's like glad your feeling better. So sorry for being so negative take care. X

[Vanscotland]

No don't be sorry ,it's good to offload to someone ,I also have my husband.I try the cbt as well but sometimes it works ,sometimes not.Its citropram I take 10 mg used to be twenty but wanted to come off them altogether but don't think I can cope .Keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on,as its good to speak to someone who can understand what your going through .take care xx

[55lindylou in reply to Vanscotland]

I will let you no how I get on thanks, the side effects of the sertraline are making me feel worse but I no in the long run they Will make a difference. Decided to cancel the screening mammogram which was in march, they told me to ring and make another app when I feel better. This was a big relief to me, didn't want to be worried about that at this time. Seeing GP on weds to review my tablets, I am hoping in a couple of weeks the side effects are gone. My chest feels like its got a brick on it , getting paloatations all the time. Sorry for this reply being so negative, don't want to drag you down. Take care x

[Vanscotland in reply to 55lindylou]

No your not dragging me down,as I said its good to talk to someone who is going through the same thing.Hopefully your side affects will slow down,and yes the feeling you get in your chest it's not nice,it's the sheer panic I don't like,when your hearts racing and your mind is in panic mode,and the thought o my god I've gt cancer,and the feeling of dread.To Make matters worse a lot of my close family have died from cancer,including my seven year old nephew,so I think that's were all my anxietys come from.My cbt said you should not avoid things but that's not easy when it makes you feel better chin up,hope you get on ok at doctors xx

[basher62]

hi just got my mammogram results after 8 days all fine .. i worried for 8 solid days waiting for the postman like my life depended on it ... i swore if it was fine i would change my outlook on life ...i was convinced the radiographer had found something ..

when she took another one because she said it was unclear ..

i went to the docs for my snoring a few weeks ago he sending me to a consultant for tests

got the letter this morning and i am freaking out in case they do a scan on me ....i am shaking as i write this you are not alone ...

[Vanscotland]

Hi,it's just so comforting to know I'm not going nuts,and there is people out there who suffer like me ,as no one speaks about it.A wish I could get a mind re programme to stop worrying about things,lol xx

[55lindylou]

Hi everyone went to drs yest to stay on sertraline 50mg, to go back in 4 Wks for review. Side effects starting to get better, they have been awful. Think to myself why oh why do I torture myself like this, why do I punish myself in this way. If I have any pain or discomfort why do I automatically think its cancer. I am just waiting my life living like this, when I am we'll I think to myself I am never going to feel like that again, low and behold as soon as any symptoms develop I'm back to square one. This health anxiety is awful. Thanks to you all x

[Vanscotland in reply to 55lindylou]

I know I have been not to bad for a week or two ,the best I have been for a coupe of years and today the thoughts have been creeping back in ,late with my periods so I think might have a tumour blocking my uterus,so now I will worry till I get them,sounds so stupid I know but that's how my mind works,so going to be a sleepless night tonight.It gets depressing as well as I thought I was maybe turning a corner,but as usual comes back to bite you in the bum!!!.Feeling a bit low tonight,as you can read,well tomorrows another day as they say ,reading your blog55lindylou is like reading mine,what a pair we are !!! Xx

[lindamaria]

Just wanted to say how glad I was to read these comments. Made me cry. Feel as if I'm waiting for a terrible illness to strike me or my children. I'm constantly arguing with myself that I should be happy and living my life but instead I focus on symptoms that are there/not there (I really don't know anymore). Feel like I want to live on an island where I can't access tv, newspapers or any other means of bad news (including friends and their problems). I know this will pass at some point but when you're going through it, there's nowhere lonlier x