Over the last few years I've suffered bouts of anxiety / depression but tended to get back on track albeit temporarily.
Last year was probably my worst but I had a good Christmas / new year and felt pretty strong.
Ive never had suicidal tendencies and although I don't have immediate 'plans' I feel the outcome is inevitable.
I appreciate this could simply be a midlife crisis if midlife crises are comparing myself to others, not achieving anything in life, having zero motivation and being clueless of what step to take next.
Really struggling .
Written by
Ladygrey
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I know just where you are coming from-i am aged 46- my son is 15 now and i dont feel needed by him any more as heis more like a mini man- my husband has just left me after confessing to going with an escort girl- feel like i am the ugliest, most unattractive person with hardly any friends . Lets struggle together!?
Hi Ladygrey
Anxiety & depression does have its up's & downs & sorry at the moment you are feeling down
I have suffered with anxiety most of my life , everyones blogs I can relate to in some way , but when I look even though some may self harm , that is something I have not done , even though my self destruction was drinking , & I dont feel for one minute that I will start to self harm , so i really dont think this is something that you should feel is inevitable as it isnt , your anxiety & feeling low no doubt is looking for something else to torment you with , i no mine does , never satisfied with just how bad i am feeling , always wants to add more that has not happened & chances are never will !
The way you are feeling sounds like your anxiety & depression
Have you been to see your GP about how you are feeling , it would be worth it
I went to the GP last year, had over the telephone counselling, had excellent friends, was on medication but feel like I need to confront this myself - not doing great.
I feel like I have to do it alone too. I hate complaining so I don't, I just stay quiet about how I feel and I don't fully understand what I'm feeling so paniced and anxious about all the time myself so I can I explain it to others. I've always been a strong person, other peoples leaning post so I find the role reversal in these situations impossible. Do you relate to this?
I'm incapable of making a decision. This stems back from about 2003, before that despite suffering depression I could make decisions without a care in the world.
I don't know if its my age (46) but its getting worse to the point of asking many people what I should do on a daily basis.
I need to make decisions myself without bothering others and if I haven't got a clue what I should do or what is best for me (which is generally the case) the best solution is... stay safe because sometimes i think of making decisions just to bait the anxiety which could turn to disaster.
I'm going to sit still for a while... on the job front, I'm going to stop chasing promotion, I'm happy with my work and can survive on the salary. One day when I feel strong I will make decisions, big ones but at present I need to find a fulfilling hobby or study - 'fulfilling' is the key word. I want to find something that occupies my mind rather than me thinking about what I should do, what I should have done and just going round in crazy circles.
Not sure if that's the right decision but its a semi-decision!
I'd be interested in what you feel anxious about... Work, relationships, responsibility?
In the meantime it sounds like you shouldn't go it alone. Do not suffer in silence, talk - you generally get to the heart of the problem and answer questions by talking. Friends will listen again and again and again. Take care.
Finding work incredibly stressful. We are being stretched beyond our means on very little pay and I think alot of my negative feeling stem from work. But my feelings of anxiety are about nothing in particular. Like you say making normal day to day decisions can make my palms sweat like shall I take the littlen swimming today or go to the library? should we wait til after her nap before leaving the house? should I plan a date to meet up with friends or will I be too tired that day and regret making plans (often happens)? just daft stuff, I don't get it but sometimes its just easier to shut down and have a PJ day AGAIN and ignore the outside world. trouble is I MUST fight this because my daughter needs a functional mummy who shares all the exciting experiences of being 2!!! I want to share all those experiences with her. I get very annoyed with myself and that just makes my anxiety worse.
I'm feeling better today - thank you for your help.
I've noticed you help others with positive replies - an amazing unselfish act.
I have a tendency to come into the site when I'm at my lowest but you (and others) have encouraged me to look to see if I can help... I will give it a day or two as I don't want to cause anyone any setbacks!
But a positive is yesterday I was very low and could not see things changing - 24 hours later i'm feeling positive - it's seems an endless vicious circle but there are breaks and these good breaks make everything worthwhile. I'm determined this is going to be a good break.
Thats great news I am pleased to see you feeling more positive , I no it seems like a vicious circle , same here , but like you say there are breaks & those breaks will get longer with each one , its not a quick fix with this , but can be done & will be
Please come on , even when you are feeling good , we need more people on here at times , even when i dont no really what to say , just telling someone that people are here & understand i think can be more than enough , so dont worry about what to say
Dear Ladygrey, I'm so sorry life has been less than kind and you are suffering. Like all of us here on the site, I've had my miseries and anxieties over the years but am still here, alive and kicking as my gran used to say!
Any way, it's the bit in your blog about opting out rather than getting it wrong that concerns me and could be making things worse for you than they need be.. My advice is, get out there and do whatever it is you want to achieve. We all get things wrong, pretty much all the time; it's part of the human condition and, these days we live in a very risk-averse atmosphere which makes things doubly difficult. Don't worry about failure, certainly before it happens.. In any case, other people will see things from their own different perspective, may not be bothered or even notice.
Set yourself an achievable goal, something small, if possible doing something for someone else like phoning a chum with his or her own problems and listen. The only up-side to this anxiety and depression stuff is that it does give us insight in a way, at the very least, accept that your suffering can foster empathy with others. And don't expect, necessarily, to get everything right first time, just give yourself a pat on the back for doing something and making a positive altruistic move, however small. Good luck!
Yesterday i believe was my breaking point for maybe 2 months of issues and seems time alone was my biggest problem... thinking is my enemy.
Feeling 100% better today (already) and determined not to waste the day.
I want to take control now.
I feel nauseous but determined.
It is a roller coaster which I let getter the better of me but today seems clearer...
Thank you again for taking time to reply it really helped me and I hope others.
Hi Ladygrey... I can relate.... And i think some of the blame is hormones, Im menopausal and have gone on HRT, might be worth investigating?? Im also pushing myself to do some voluntary work, im scared but Im going to do it and hope by me helping others it will take my mind of my problems and make me feel better about myself!! Good luck and much love, xx
I believe doing things for others is key, a real boost for confidence and a helpful responsibility. I'll put it into practice today and certainly this week when I have time off which, i hope, will help others but selfishly help me more!
I haven't got a clue about HRT - denial? I had a Mirena coil fitted in October during a operation to remove endometriosis - I'm not convinced its helping but going to give it the six months minimum they recommend. I don't believe this has had any bearing on my anxiety / depression as I've suffered for a long while but probably hasn't helped.
Hi ladygrey, cld b a midlife crisis but they r also very common syptoms of depression, no confidence, overthink things e.c.t. Im only 33 but overthink things, im a shit mum, i luv my daughter she is my entire life but i hav very negative thoughts + think things like i havnt helped her, plus she was recently diagnosed wiv autism, feel like everythins my fault + i havnt dne enough, especialy havin a nervous brkdwn, bein very debilitated then i feel hlpless as had 2 go + live wiv my mum temperily. very negative thinker, over analise everything but i think most people who suffer depression then knocks ur confidence tend 2 b like this. ur syptoms do sound like depressive thoughts, also r u goin through the change as plays havoc wiv ur body + can cause depression. plus if uve always suffered frm this ur gonna b a stronger candidate wen u r sufferin frm hormonal problems. I might b 2 yng 2 b goin through the change but i suffer badly wiv hormones + get all the syptoms plus more that u get wiv the change. hav u bin 2 the Drs about this? u cld hav ur hormones tested. goin through the change especialy on top of depression can b a very bad time 4 women, it can actualy cause brkdwns, even in women who've never suffered wiv any sort of mental illness. Ive heard of very healthy women, a great wife + mother whos always bin the foundation of the family started goin through the change + lst it + jst lft home + dissapear. Hormones + depression go hand in hand so i wld definatly go + c ur GP. wiv kindest regards leeanne.x
Ive struggled with anxiety and depression since my marriage ended (which was abusive) in 1996, although ive always been a worrier even as a child.... however Im struggling and I think this is due to hormones and being in the menopause, even though I am on hrt, im still struggling....im up and down like a yo-yo, feel like running off and leaving my bf quite often, just cant cope.... then when im ok, I think what a nutter I am.....trying to fight it....xx
I hope your boyfriend is able to provide you with support.
I have two of the most supportive friends who never appear to tire of my anxiety / depression issues.
My problem is making decisions and having made them worrying if it was the right decision - it drives me and others crazy.
This time round I am trying to resolve my issues myself, using the counselling skills I was provided with over the summer but I'm fully aware that if it gets too bad I will see my GP.
Please keep yourself busy - difficult when you're all over the place. This morning I have made vegetable soup (an achievement for me!) and now completing an application form for a job I'm not sure I want - I should just settle in the job I'm in at my lowly grade and be proud but I keep pushing myself into stressful situations most probably because people are passing me by and I'm embarrassed.
You feel like running - run - not away but if you are able to - exercise, you'll feel so much better and possibly make contact with others feeling the same.
Thank you fIor your reply.... Im totally the same, guess thats where the anxiety comes from, once Ive made a decsion it is a little easier.... My boyfriend is supportive although doesnt understand and I dont bang on about my daily struggle... a lot of my anxiety is cos he lives 100 miles from me and weve got to the stage where we need to move to be together, ive mainly gone to his house on weekends and happy to do it, but now he works away mon to fri, so I was left here on my own and thats when my dep and anx resurfaced... so ive run home and just come on weekends, he is absolutely fab but i push him away...tried to finish it and luckily for me i trusteed him enough to try explain and hes helping me... but I know i have to make steps towards making a life here and getting out and making friends,,,, very hard when your racked with anxiety.... anyway after months of going round in circles and thinking I should run home and finish, I know I dont want to.... so im pushing myself here... i work two days per week at home and come here back end of the week, my bf is fab and helps me with money as I dont earn a lot (always hated this and like to be independant) so its been a real push to do it as im a proud lady... but hey ive given a lot of my old life up to start a new one here so slowly im letting him help me....so im starting some voluntary work on mon with ladies who are suffering from cancer treatment (im a beauty therapist) so I go and help them apply makeup etc, its called look good feel better, im feeling nervous but im pushing myself!! Im also going to try join a gym... im waffling anyway but basically saying thank you for your advice and I am making tiny steps towards establishing a life here.... xx
in reply to
ann
How wonderful what you are doing for others , dont be nervous , you will be great , you have a very caring nature , that will show through , do let us no how it goes
Also read about the bf situation , hope you dont mind me reading this , but i have a friend , yes just the one lol ,well same for her , they live miles apart & travel every weekend , to do with jobs etc , its been 4 years & circumstances at the moment cant be changed , anyway im married hubby here , but like we say she has the best of both worlds , she can be free all week doing what she does , then at the weekend (well we will just imagine that bit lol when she is with bf ) but like she says , they dont argue as its quality time & not going to waste it on petty things , like when you live with someone everyday you can tend to do that a bit (well I do )
So she has the best of both worlds , she turns it into a positive
This rambling may not have helped at all , but just incase
Dont forget let us no how your voluntary work goes , will be thinking about you
Love
whywhy xxx
Ah thanks whywhy.... itsnt it funny how we see our own situation negatively when the anxiety grips!!??
You have reminded me how lucky I am really....Youre perfectly right!!
Your ramling as you say make perfect sense!! Its actually weds I do it (sorry said mon, menapausal you know!! lol) I blame that on everything now!! lol so I will let you know on weds eve how it has gone, im only observing this week so no pressure!! Hope you are feeling a little bit better today!! xx
Im at the bf all week this week on my own (scared stiff abut it) in an attempt to make some sort of life here albeit part time at min,,,, but I now dont feel like im alone cos I have all you wonderful people....thank you all so much and especially you whywhy :-)) xx
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