On top of already being tearful today. - Anxiety Support

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On top of already being tearful today.

Tinksishere
Tinksishere

My daughter has just told me what I have expected for the past few months. She is in a same sex realationship. I'm scared because her dad has very strong views on same sex couples so now I don't know whats going to happen.

Oh my god I'm going out of my mind

Tinks

9 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

Hi. Tink. This is very difficult for you and to give adequate advice is not easy. I had a friend in a similar situation and what I learned from it was that trying to hide from him what his daughter was doing was a mistake. I dont know how old you daughter is. Of age I hope? If she is then it is her life and not yours or your husbands. You can only guide or persuade but if you or your husband dictate you will alienate your daughter. Personal views should not come before love, but they do, don't they? Getting things out in the open does not allow them to fester. It is by no means easy but sometimes trying not to hurt feelings results in them being hurt all the more.

Would your daughter talk to her father? How close is their relationship? Don't allow it to be left all to you. You may finish up 'pig in the middle' and that will not help your anxiety. Our thoughts are with you in this difficult time. Blessings. jonathan.

Tinksishere
Tinksishere in reply to Hidden

Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my question.

Our daughter doesn't want to speak to him yet about it but as asked if I could. At the moment I physically don't feel up to it well more the out come, I'm sure it won't be as bad as I am perceiving, never the less I haven't got the strength. I just need to be careful that he is not the last to find out.

Tinks x

Hidden
Hidden

Hi Tink

Well the way I see it is I would rather one of mine come home & say they are in a same sex realationship , than something seriously been wrong with them or have a life long threatening desease !!

I no not every one is as opened minded though

You should feel proud your daughter has the bond with you that she could tell you , to me that shows you are a good mum

She is still the same person , that has not changed

Why is your hubby so anti ?

I feel for you , but like said "dont be piggy in the middle "

If you are ok with it , then tell hubby even though you wish things may have turned out different , this is how it is & she could have done something alot worse in life

If he isnt ok with it let him & your daughter sort it out

Maybe she is experimenting for now , heard many girls have been in same sex relationships , then later , they are not , have a friend like that , was living with a girl for years , now she is with a man

You will get through this , at least your daughter is healthy (main thing )

We are all here for you

Keep getting on here . always a loving listening ear waiting for you

Thinking about you

whywhy xxx

Tinksishere
Tinksishere in reply to Hidden

Thank you WhyWhy x

Yes I do agree it could have been alot worse. Hubby has very strong views about how relationships should be, he has expressed these quite loud but thinking about it, I wonder if its been more recently.

'Somtimes I do my own head In'.

Thank you for The Invite for the loving listening ear.

Tinks

I think that your daughter has made a brave decision in telling you even though there isn't the stigma there has been in the past. I think that as long as it is a loving relationship, I would be happy for her, It might take some time for everyone to feel that but you did say you'd thought it for a few months - maybe your husband has too.

Talk to your daughter and ask her how she wants to tell her dad, let her know you love her [I think she knows that to have shared with you, but t's nice to hear it].

It's ok to be upset if it's shaken your idea of her future, you've probably been planning it for years, but believe me, she has chosen her path and will be living the life that she wants to and to give her that freedom is a great gift. A friend of mine's son is gay and he tried to please his dad by living with a lovely girl, but he was so unhappy, it nearly destroyed him. He's on his own now, but happy thathe can be himself.

kind regards,

sandra.

Sandra, xx

I told our daughter that I already knew after she had plucked up the courage to give me this big spill on how she had been feeling about telling us. the thought she had that we may not love her or chuck her out. Her answer was 'I thought you already knew mum I feel a little silly now, I think I worked my self up to make it so big'.

I don't know if this is her chosen path but it is for now. I am wondering because I feel a little low already, her telling me somthing i already knew just highlights my own judgement not on her, more other people and I want to protect her from there own thoughts and issues.

I hope this made sence.

Thank you

Tinks x

you will want to protect her and will probably have thought of many scenarios as to how people will be, but sometimes our minds can run away with us. when we worry.

trust her to cope and to come to you if she needs to. She knows you are there for her.

You sound a lovely caring Mum.

regards,

sandra x

Thanks Sandra xxx

thanks Tinks :)

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