Empathy.

Hi All. What does it mean? "The ability to sense and understand some one else's feelings as if they were our own". It seems that some have much empathy, others very little and some none. Most of us are probably in the middle. (See recent blogs on 'professionals' comments). Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is "The understanding of other peoples problems". Note; the part "As if they were our own" is missing. Coming on to this site and getting helpful advice is a godsend to someone in nervous illness. I only wish it had existed when I was in the middle of mine. But empathy is to write from the heart because, having been there, you understand. Now if you say to me can I sympathise with a women in childbirth? Yes, I can, but being a man I would not be able to feel or understand the pain involved, so I may lack empathy.This would not stop me being a good Obstetrician but would I have empathy? We, on this site have empathy because we know what this nightmare of an illness is like and can respond, can 'emphasise' with the person concerned. Not, perhaps while we are in a 'state', this may be unwise as we tend to pick up from others their emotional feelings and carry them with us. It may be understood more by those fortunate ones who are recovering. They can help because they know. I have said before, unless you have 'been there' any comment is usually not helpful. Your thoughts on this would be welcome. Best wishes. jonathan.

[ellabella]

This is the reason my family don't have the first idea what I am talking about. I am thankful in a way that they don't suffer. My son does as he is ill, a lot worse than I ever was as he is in the middle of it. That is why I have been quiet for the last few days or more. He took an overdose , not last weekend but the one before and I have just been emotionally drained ever since. Sorry to stray from your subject Jonathan, it was the word empathy that drew me in because there was none around Calderdale Royal Hospital the other week!!. There was none around the crisis team either or the social workers that promised to call and see him but never did!. My Family?....none there either , as he has attempted this before. They are sick of it! in their words. Do they not even think that he and I are sick of it too? It seems there is just me and him in this together, whether we like it or not. :' (. Anyway he has been today for lunch and that is a big step for him, he even washed up! I am grateful that we on this site have empathy or I wouldn't have anywhere to go. You are right Jonathan, we do pick up and take others emotions away with us, because we are special people who actually do care more than anyone else will ever know. Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[rouri in reply to ellabella]

so sorry to hear about your son, i don;t know what to say except i am thinking about you. please take good care of yourself to be able to stand beside him, he needs your support, don't think about your family now, your son now is the most important, i hope things will get better soon.

big big hug

love

rouri

[Hidden]

Hi ellabella. So sorry to hear about your troubles. Never come one at a time, do they? It is a very, very trying time for you and you are in my and my wife's thoughts and prayers. It is not until you come upon this indifference first hand that you realise it exists. Try to bear up, although I know it is difficult. Bear in mind that you have been a great help to many on this site so, in the words of the old song "Your living has not been in vain". Bless you. Look after yourself and your son. jonathan.

[aug2012]

Hi Jonathan

I totally agree with you about the empathy/sympathy thing - trouble is that those (as most of us have experienced) with a supposed duty of care don't even do the sympathy thing very well.

I think that even if someone hasn't been there, if they are a humane person with the ability to relate to others it's generally possible to try and think of something you've been through and then build it up so that you can try and empathise with someone - for example, r.e. having a baby - a workmate once very amusingly told me that having a baby was like taking a "massive dump" after being constipated for two weeks! I think if any man tried to imagine that he might be quite close to empathising with the pain of childbirth! LOL!

The trouble with academic professionals is that they've never experienced mental/emotional symptoms (very few of them anyway) plus they seem to have completely detached themselves as human beings, so that's why they do not empathise with us.

[hairyfairy]

Empathy is the ability to feel the suffering of others & wanting to help them, this is a quality that is sadly lacking in the average person.

[Hidden]

I have to say if this wasnt here for any of us to come on i dont know how i would have got through this with my partner. I looked on other advice sites but they seemed so clinical. Telling you, if you're wants to be alone you should take them out. Everything seemed so matter of fact. This site is fantastic as you get different perspectives of the illness from "real people" that are dealing with it.

Jonathan you're blogs and what you write are truly inspiring. They are brilliant and do help even for the "outsider" trying to look in. There are days i want to scream or feel like i am banging my head with my partner, then i come on here and it takes it away.

Ellabella i send my love. So sorry to hear about you're son and the last crappy few weeks you have had. Again i love reading your input into other peoples blog. Jonathan and yourself are so honest and helpful in what you say.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi. lou41. Many thanks for your blog. ellabella and I have both "been there" so we know. Glad to have been of some help. jonathan.