I am now in week 3 of an absence from work. My GP has signed me off for the next month and this is an unfamiliar experience for me, I think I need a getting well diary to replace my work version.
the medical plan involves (at my request) stopping the propanolol that I was surviving on, and then the zopiclone. I want a new baseline as it were.
The future remains a scary country and I have no idea how this will work out but my biggest challenge in the short term is letting go of the guilt about not being at work and the affect on my staff. I dropped into see them last Friday which in hindsight was not a great idea.. yet.
now I have read a few books on mental health in my time but I am going to recommend one to you all if you haven't read it, by a psychiatrist called Tim Cantopher. sheldonpress.co.uk/books/08...
I have to say that it really does speak to the problems I face and I guess many of you too.
Hi Rogitian. Yes, guilt can be a curse. But if you had a physical illness would you feel so bad? A broken leg takes six weeks to heal properly. If you were working in athletics would you feel guilty about having time off? Is it the fact that suffering from a mental problem that is causing your feeling, and the response of others to this? It is very difficult, if not impossible to explain to anyone who has not been there what anxiety is like. I fully understand your desire to get off tablets. But again, how would you feel if you had to have crutches? That's how I regard any sort of medication; it gets you into a more calm frame of mind so that you can think about your situation and how you want to go forward. This does not last for ever, but worrying about it can make matters worse and prolong the problem. In case you think I am talking rubbish- believe me, I have been there!! Best of luck. Jonathan.
Thanks Jonathan,
Quite right of course. Feeling guilty is part of the personality makeup of most that experience these sort of mental health problems anyway and a particularly difficult one to overcome but the book mentioned is really helping with that.
On the meds, I should have explained that because the propanolol is not an antidepressant and I wanted to come off that before trying something which is. Helpful as it has been over the last 3 months, all it has done is take the anxiety down a few notches and enabled me to burn out a bit slower!
Hi - it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Try not to be guilty about the absence from work as Johnathah says. I really feel for you but I know from my experience that things will get better - especially when you find the right antidepressant for you. Best wishes.
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Depression and anxiety are taking over my life
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Anxiety and depression. 
