Please help!!!

[donna42]

Hi about 3 weeks ago i began with mild depression and anxiety whilst on holiday which has got steadily worse day by day i cant sleep eat function etc i have had depression since i was 14 and i am now 42 i have dealt with it albeit being in some pretty dark places but have come out the other side x but this episode has come out the blue i am having counselling and things were going great so why the backwards slide x i am obsessed with thoughts of death and dying its so scary x my dad died a year ago so whether this is my problem but i have two children and a great husband but i have no joy for life and sometimes these feelings feel never ending x has anyone else been doing well then for no reason gone into decline x i just want a good nights sleep a good meal and a peaceful mind i havent told anyone how i feel and feel i am going mad with no end i see my counsellor tuesday so i am hoping she can help x i feel i need to be away from everyone so i dont ruin everyones life x sorry to go on it helps just writing it down x i could just weep all day if i let myself but i wont i just want to be well again x

[woody1875]

Hello Donna, sadly depression is never actually cured and yes it does come back when we least expect it because anything can set it off. I am sure your counsellor will help you and no your not going mad. Do you take any medication to help with your depression?

[donna42]

Hi thanks for replying, no not on meds have been in the past but felt they masked my problems not solved them but am aware of their usefullness. I realised about 2 years ago that i would live with depression all my life but my anxiety is so bad at the moment i keep praying that i will wake up tomorrow feeling well again. So much of my life has been taken up with this flipping illness but then when i feel sorry for myself i get cross as there are lots of people worse off than myself. I do appreciate your reply xxx

[woody1875]

I learnt over the years that everytime I come off my meds I would go back to square one because I was just not ready. The meds may feel like they are masking your problems but they also stop the unbalanced chemicals in your body which cause a lot of the negative thoughts. Everyone is different and should do whats best for them and sometimes what there .GP advises. I have spoke to lots of people about there negative thoughts including mine and yes sometimes they can stem from loosing a loved one and anxiety and depression also cause these thoughts so it's a bit of vicious circle and it all feeds off each other. You have already said you have come out of some dark places before and I'm sure you have had periods of time when everything has been fine so you have answered your own questions, yes you will get better and feel normal again you are just having a little set back or as I call them a little episode.

[donna42]

Thanks Woody I know I will its when your in a dark place it feels like you will never get out again but i know i will its just convincing myself of the fact. I will talk to my counsellor and see what she says ive been through many and this lady has been wonderful. The negative thoughts are the worst arent they ive been off work but back monday as i work in a school so long episodes at home with my own thoughts arent really a great idea. Thanks for your kindness x

[hollow]

Ah I know those feelings all too well. If you don't mind me saying I suspect it hasn't come out of the blue, you mention a couple of things in your posts that could be triggers. Depression is the greatest thief of all time, it sneaks up on you, steals your life and you don't often see it coming but you can get it back. I know you prob know this as you prob know it peaks and troughs, it's good that you are sharing your thoughts, it helps. You will get there. Keeping busy is a good way forward as depression feeds on that negative cycle, not easy I know but that is what keeps us in that cycle. It doesn't want us to fight it and fighting is a uphill struggle but the balance does finally shift in your favour if you keep going. Best of luck and that light is at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it today.

[donna42]

I agree so much with you about depression being the greatest thief of all time, ive wasted so many years with this illness but your right you can get it back but im finding it hard to feel positive at the moment. I agree about keeping busy when i am left on my own in my own thoughts i dwell terribly. Thankyou for your kind words i am a big believer that talking to other sufferers helps x tc x

[hollow in reply to donna42]

It certainly does. I wasted too long not admitting there was something wrong and not wanting to talk about it. It's really difficult to feel or even think positive when it feels like your mind and body is dredging through heavy water. Always happy to listen/respond.

[Untitled]

I know we all talk about medication and just how much it helps but in a recent research i done it is mind over matter. If we think and believe the meds will work then they will and the moment we think we are there and come off them we are straight back to square one, why because our self concious feel as though we need them so we start the cycle once again. Think about it and see then think about something which may scare you, i know its not nice but if you feel ok and at home for security reasons and not alone then think about something which makes you scared and i will guarantee you that you will begin to panic. Good luck

[donna42]

Thanks for all the replies have woke this morning worse than ever i am shattered but cannot sleep just hope it passes soon and i can get back to how i was 4 weeks ago x

[Untitled]

Don't worry donna things will subside but we all have to make sure its ourselves that work hard to do this. Unless we do this it will never go. Good luck and best wishes and please let us know once you are back to how you was. x

[donna42]

Thankyou so much x will do just took my dog for a long walk i am a big believer in helping yourself and exercise is good for you xxx