just dont know what to do

i have been with my partner for 2 1/2 yrs. in that time we have had 2 children. My partner is a very selfish man who has had issues with alcohol since i met him although to this day he strongly denies that there are any problems with his drinking.

For the time i have been with him i have been left every week with feelings of worry and anxiety because when the weekend comes he disappears to his friend's house and drinks till he cant atand anymore and sometimes their are drug involved too. He knows that i am sitting waiting on him returning. When i tellhim to stay where he is he comes to the door in the middle of the night and tries to kick the door in even though his kids are in the house plus my other 2 children from a previous relationship.

It has gotten to the stage that I cant take anymore i feel as though i get no respect and no help from him atall yet when his friends phone he runs. When hes drunk he begs for help to get off drink yet when hes sober he says that he didn't ask cause he doesn't have a problem.

I cant eat i cant sleep my nerves are shattered and im on citalopram tablets because of the effect of all this on me. Any time we discuss it he says he doesnt do anything wrong and all the problems are in my head he calls me names like nut job and says im a looney and a fruit cake. The thing is the other night i ended up snapping and i hit out at him i know this was wrong.Everything just built up and built up and i lost control.

Can someone please give me some advice on how to deal with this situation???

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3 Replies

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  • Hi doks,

    I am sorry to hear about your situation and it's understandable that it would cause you a lot of anxiety. Have you contacted Relate who have counsellors that you can speak to for support and advice? Just Google Relate for your nearest branch. It's not fair that your health is suffering because of someone else's actions, you deserve better than this. Best wishes

  • Hi greengrape,

    Thanks for the advice. I havent contacted relate but i will, i have been to the doctors and explained my situation and all the suggest is medication but thats not really helping my situation. I really need to talk to someone who can help me and show me that this really isnt my fault because right now im being made feel that it is all in my head and that im the one that has problems. Thanks again for the good advice

  • I was with someone who had drinking problems and he made out he only drank a couple of tins a day. Well i can assure you hun he lied about that, he stole from me, he made me feel bad all the time. In the end i could take no more. Im not a drinker myself and i was and still am worth more than putting up with that so i ended our relationship. Did i get some problems after that, eventually they settled down and it was not easy but now it has to be said that i would never put myself in that situation again. We all have problems i always found that drinking and drugs were more of a problem in a relationship than anything else. It results to lying and stealing and many more other issues. Just take advice from above and hopefully it will sort itself out, i would speak with your partner again and if he insists there is no problem then ask him to attend a session at the doctors with you. Im sure one day he will admit to it but until he does there is nothing anyone can do to help him. I know it all appears blunt and useless information but that is how i had to deal with such a problem. Hope you resolve this issue even if only for yourself. x

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