Anxiety and its imact on family life

I suffer with GAD and probably depression. I did take anti-depressants about 8 years (didn’t find this helped) and had some CBT which was useful but I find my anxieties change. It used to be that I would cause an accident somehow. More recently it has been social judgement, confidence and decision making.

I know too that I have very low self-esteem; I did have a long term friendship with a guy from college that, in hindsight, wasn’t very healthy and may have contributed (also my mother is like this). I worry so much of what people think of me, my children, their clothes, my wife…. I hate to think that I may have said something inappropriate and may have upset someone. I worry about relationships at work and how I am perceived.

Work is also a problem; I take it so seriously and can’t switch off from it needing to talk about it evenings and weekends. I suppose this is anxiety and lack of confidence but this is normal life to me and something I need to do.

My problem is this; suddenly it feels like I have broken my wife because of my constant need for reassurance and support - and part of me doesn’t see or understand that this is a problem but I do trust my wife; she is fair, supportive and strong. I know I ask her a lot (a lot!) of questions but I don’t realise how much until she actually brakes which is roughly every couple of years.

As I seem to have very recently broken her, I do want to improve. But how can I help myself?

[Hidden]

Maybe you should stop worrying about what people think of you. The only people that really matter here are yourself your wife and children. Who cares what the world thinks, the most important are those around you. Ask yourself this. Does your wife love you ? do your children love you ? if you already know the answer then you do not have a problem with anxiety but more with lack of confidence in yourself. Does the world give you anything ? no i would guess your answer would be and if this is so then stop worrying, do a good job at work, come home then forget it, you WORK to live babe no live to work and this is how you should see it. Stop worrying about it. Oh i know its all easier said than done but let me tell you if this continues you will lose the only people in your life that really matter, care and fully understand you. Make more time to be a family man, spend the time with your wife and children, they are your life babe so remember when your at work it stays then and when your at home its happy times and moving forward. Hope this has helped some. Im not expert but i do know the most important people will not be there one day and then you will regret not ever doing what you really wanted to. I lost my parents, father in 2005, mother 2010, i never grieved for my father because i had to become a full time carer again for my mother but after my mothers death it took everything away. I gave up my life to care for my mother and i have no regrets what so ever but what i do regret is never being the person i really wanted to be and that has left me with no life, no means of wanting to live and nothing, let me tell you hun this is not where you want to be. So please think about what i have said and make your family the most important. Your wife seems like a god send so let her support you and you will soon become the family man you was once. Good luck, please keep me informed and i really do hope this works for you. x

[hollow]

Hi. You mention probable depression, low esteem and it also sounds like you are ruminating, worrying about a lot of things. Have you approached someone about your mood? Took me an age to admit I had depression, thought I was too strong, thought I was letting people down but worse still I thought I was letting myself down, best thing I ever did however was going to my GP and hearing those words 'you have depression' because then I could work on letting it go. I didn't take medication or have CBT but I wouldn't dismiss either. Have you considered speaking to your GP or someone else? It's easy not seeing a problem when you are in the midst of it, that's when an 'outsiders' voice/opinion can really help.

Couldn't have done it without the support of my those closest to me, they put up with a lot but I stopped and listened to my partner and although she never came to the GP's with me (my choice) she was an absolute rock. If only for the gift of hindsight I would have listened to her a lot sooner. If you are not already talk to your wife, explain what what you're going through. In answer to your question how can you help yourself? You can't, not alone that is, well the majority of can't. Depression. Anxiety. Whichever it is we all need some help, support from others.

[janicecarrington]

i agree with whats been said above. also, i feel guilt a lot for having to rely on my husband for so much & so long. my C.P.N put it in perspective a little for me by asking, would i do the same for himi answered in a heartbeat i would do the same. maybe you need to ask yourself the same question, i bet you answer yes. its all part of being together to stand by each other ,no matter what.best wishes.xxx