Over thinking and difficulty to make a decision

[Leta]

Is it just me or are there others who constantly over think and struggle to make decisions...? I feel like I am only one who most of time don't know what to cook, what clothes to wear, when to see friends, which friends, to go to shop or not, cleaning house, to look for a job, which job...and so on...will I be able to achieve what I want I life if not why to bother even to start...it is just non stop dialogue with myself and it drives me crazy...I wish I could stop thinking so much, not listening and believing in panic but becoming more spontaneous person who enjoys things as they are...

Sorry if what I said doesn't make sense...as it doesn't to me sometimes

[Hidden]

I have just written my first blog post as my OH suffers with GAD and he is just like this, making him often under-productive, stressed and immobilised. He says it is because he doesn’t not want to make the wrong decision – but some of these decisions are so menial; shorts or jeans? sandwich or salad? If we’re in an unfamiliar town he can’t settle on a restaurant, or even the destination for a trip out.

I tell him there are no such things as bad decisions; at worse you may have cold legs, a grumbling stomach or unsatisfactory meal – not really life changing stuff. Re the restaurants, he says he is always looking for somewhere better...but there is always something better around the corner so you would never stop searching! Find one that looks nice and sit down.

My OH used to waste weekends procrastinating - arghh , the thief of time. Have you tried making a list of what you are going to do that day? Plan it out and tick off your list and feel the satisfaction. Planning what you are going to do before the day itself is key to beating this, and, of course, your decisions can’t actually be ‘wrong’.

[hedgecrone]

I think part of this is a desire to feel you have some kind of control over your life and counteract overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and insecurity. I recognise some of this in myself too, though not over the same things or to the same extent.

I always feel I make 'wrong'decisions and carry a huge sense of inadequacy and failure. I look at others and they seem to be so grounded, happy and sorted and I feel resentful and envious of their apparent happiness (something I am deeply ashamed of, believe me).

I think it would help to learn mindfulness which is something I am learning and practising. There are many excellent books on the subject. It's really about learning to live in the moment, to be aware of unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings but not to judge them. Procrastinators are big judgers - of themselves. They don't want to be seen to 'fail' but end up beating themselves up anyway for not being able to make a start. I do this with my creative work and am struggling to get out of that mindset. With Mindfulness you have permission to cease struggling. You accept how you are feeling but that doesn't mean living passively and not acting. it means accepting that you feel uncomfortable and anxious when making a decision, but going ahead and doing it anyway. You won't escape the unpleasant feelings by putting off the decisions - ask me how I know! But Mindfulness will gradually teach you how to face them full on and go into them, even, removing much of the fear and the sting. It takes practice, regular often - and commitment. Even if you feel 'This isn't going to work for me!' - Just do it. Give it a try and see what happens.

I recommend any book by Danny Penman, Jon Kabat-Zinn or Mark Williams - some of their books have CDs with them, of guided meditations which are excellent and just what you need to start regular mindfulness meditation (simpler than it sounds - it's as easy as breathing). Joh Kabat-Zinn is an American who pioneered Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy. If you prefer an English sounding accent then go for Mark W or Danny Penman (who has one of the most comforting voices I've heard).

Good luck!

[Leta]

Thanks a lot for your advices. I will try to get recommended books

I do agree that my thinking and behaviour is closely related to controlling my life event...more I try to control and make the right choise more I feel stuck and not achieving anything at all...however if I would choose any option I would feel bad as I might have chosen the wrong option...I guess I am affected from my past events, such as finishing university and not able to find job I wanted...getting married and divorced...moving to London...all seems like wrong choices...but thinking from other end it must been something good out of this experience such as I have learned new skills by studying, have a lovely child form previous marriage, able to know different cultures being in London...It's just hard to keep my mind on positive things...for some reason I consentrate always on negative...it's like non stop dialogue is going inside my head...

Anyway...there is no sun out today but I will try and make the most of my day

Hope all of you will do same

[Wildmage]

It is definitely a control issue. I suffer with over thinking too much too and beat myself up when things do not work out the way I want them to. I am trying to change this about myself and learn to accept myself more and like the person I am, it is not easy as I have had a life time of not liking myself. Suffered with anorexia in my teens, abusive relationship late teens/early twenties, and two relationships that cheated, so have never felt like I was good enough.

I am slowly learning with the help of CBT and general counselling and reading books like "feel the fear and do it anyway" that I can have my dreams, maybe not in the way I originally planned, but in other ways and that I will eventually meet that special someone, but I need to learn to like myself first.

I still over think everything. Whenever things go wrong or when I feel like I have made mistakes, I wonder if it is me. I never think it could be someone else or just one of those things, I always blame myself and beat myself up. -- sad eh, but I am working on this

So do not give up, just learn to accept this is part of anxiety and you need to just accept it and not let it control you.