Today I have had terrible pain and cramp (women's issues) but it has almost been a relief. To be able to curl up in bed for the afternoon knowing for a 'normal' (i.e. physical) reason.
I spend alot of time in bed or inside because of my anxiety which even to me seems paranoid sometimes. - yet even then I can't get out of it, it is controlling. The feelings it causes inside are almost like pain, and it controls my behaviour - for example I haven't unlocked a window in my flat for over nineteen months, and if i feel i can't deal with the anxiety of a situation I become very irritable.
But in some ways even I find it hard to except my illness as 'normal' (i.e. acceptable) because of its lack of physical attributes. Yes I shake ncontrollably at times, I suffer from insomnia, and I can make myself so pent up that I will throw up before leaving to go to a praticular situation. But most of my pain is in my mind and my feelings - therefore I do sometimes struggle with the reality of it.
So one of the hardest parts of the last year plus has been coming to terms with the fact I have an illness and learning both to accept and tackle this myself.