Accepting myself

Today I have had terrible pain and cramp (women's issues) but it has almost been a relief. To be able to curl up in bed for the afternoon knowing for a 'normal' (i.e. physical) reason.

I spend alot of time in bed or inside because of my anxiety which even to me seems paranoid sometimes. - yet even then I can't get out of it, it is controlling. The feelings it causes inside are almost like pain, and it controls my behaviour - for example I haven't unlocked a window in my flat for over nineteen months, and if i feel i can't deal with the anxiety of a situation I become very irritable.

But in some ways even I find it hard to except my illness as 'normal' (i.e. acceptable) because of its lack of physical attributes. Yes I shake ncontrollably at times, I suffer from insomnia, and I can make myself so pent up that I will throw up before leaving to go to a praticular situation. But most of my pain is in my mind and my feelings - therefore I do sometimes struggle with the reality of it.

So one of the hardest parts of the last year plus has been coming to terms with the fact I have an illness and learning both to accept and tackle this myself.

4 Replies

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  • Its like a weight being lifted when one finally accepts they are ill.. I found once I realised yes this is me I didn't give a toss what people thought , those I still chose who to share the details with ... please don't be scared to ask docs for help,

    therapies can help as can meds x

  • Thank you lottysunshine. I am lucky that my GPs have been helpful. I'm a prescription medication and have had some CBT - I'm a long way from where I was 8-6 months ago.

  • HI ive found accepting the situation im in and taking it at my own pace instead of fighting it and getting frustrated and angry kind of helps the situation......it takes the pressure off cos i believe we can all be so hard on ourselfs and want super quick recovery that just does not seem possible. im waiting for cbt through my doctor, ive a a couple of cbt sessions over the phone through this site but it was not very good phone line.

  • Thank Sam1981. Your right it does help to take the pressure of but so easy to revert to being hard on oneself, and often it takes me a while to even realise what I'm doing. Good luck with your cbt, hope the wait isn't too long.

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