Coming out on the bright side

[Mandy26]

Hi Everyone. I feel like I have blighted the blog section with such negative blogs recently. So I thought I was would type a positive one

My recent moan was about having to go to London and leave my comfort zone - Home. I've really gotten myself into a rut of feeling uncomfortable leaving my house and getting out and about. It's not so much that I'm scared, it's just like a habit that I want to be there. So my new rule is to push myself. I pushed myself and went to London and it really wasn't that bad at all. I didn't experience any anxiety. It wasn't really my favourite thing to do but I did it and felt better for it. It made me realise that I can still do everything I used to do, I just need to mentally push myself to do it. It's just a frame of mind.

I went out last weekend and bought myself a new walking coat as I've also stopped walking and want to get back into it. I was feeling too scared to go 'into the wild' again as it were, because I was thinking to myself 'what if I need an ambulance because something goes wrong with my heart', 'what if I have an attack and can't move in the middle of nowehere', but I've proved to myself over the past few days that it's all in my head. So I'm planning to to go out this weekend with my bf and dog for a good long walk. I'm feeling really positive about it.

I know I could come back on here next week and be feeling rubbish again, but I'm starting to see more and more positive days slipping through which feels great.

My biggest realisation this week is how big a deal I make things. I made London into this really big thing that was dramatic and I didn't want to go, when actually, it was nothing. I realised it's a really bad habit I've developed - blowing things out of proportion. I create stress for myself when there is no need.

Has anybody else experiences any positive days and phases recently?

xxx

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi Mandy26,

Glad you've been feeling more positive recently. Really good to hear. Some of what you describe above is similar with me. I had a habit of blowing things out of proportion and making them seem worse than they really are. Last week, for example, I finally got round to applying for a provisional driving license, something I've been meaning to do for a while now as my parents have said they're paying for my lessons for my birthday- I thought it would be a nightmare to get organised but it was really simple (fingers crossed it all works out from here).

It seems that once you've taken the first step its never as bad as you think - they say the first step always the hardest, I think thats true. Things are getting more positive for me really too. I seem to be coming out of this depression/anxiety phrase- I guess the feelings are less frequent, I'm feeling more positive and less negative, though the doubt seeps in now and then - I don't think this weather helps But my friends want to meet for my birthday and do something nice, so thats something to look forward too.

Having said all this I'm scared of getting hopeful in case things go wrong again, as this has happened before. So things still arn't perfect- I wish this weather would get better too ! But things have improved. I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how small the step.

Hope things continue to get better for you. Take care.

wanderingwallflower

x

[Mandy26 in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Hi Fay Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you're having a really positive time too. I feel the same about being scared that the anxiety will come back and I'll be back to square one but I'm trying not to think about it. I know what you mean about the provisional license papers. I was the same and you're right, once you do them they really aren't bad. I think that's my biggest problem and why I feel all this pent up frustration and anxiety because I'm making problems for myself.

I hope you enjoy your birthday Happy Birthday for whenever that is! I hope things continue going good for you.

xx

[wallflower_fairy in reply to Mandy26]

Hi - No problem. Thanks to you as well. I will try not to think about it either, thats the best way, positivity really does help.

Thankyou. Hopefully it will be fun. It feels a little weird to be turning 18 - in a less than a weeks time, because its a milestone - I don't want to overthink it - I've always got my hopes up about big birthdays, but I've decided to just go with the flow this year. What will be, will be.

Again, same - making problems for myself. Its always been an issue of mine- seems to have become a bit of a habit- but never mind! I'm glad things are heading in the right direction for both of us.

Hope things continue to work out for you as well.

xxx