constant panic attacks really difficult to come out of the loop

[Danzdanz123]

hi this is probably going to be a long post so I apologise. I didn’t think I would be back here as I was able to manage my anxiety and my panic attacks went away almost only really had them if I was far away from home but once home they wouldn’t stick. This whole year has been one of the worst I lost my grandma literally 4 days into the new year she was like my mum and we were so close she taught me almost everything I know. I’ve been suffering with depression really bad from my intrusive thoughts and just finding life really pointless when my gran past away I felt really numb I cried a little but I was really shocked that I wasn’t gut wrenched with pain as i thought she would never pass away, I managed to stay strong and actually my anxiety and panic was manageable I even managed to stay away from my phone as that’s my coping mechanism to avoid feeling anxious and panic, I always have got bad anxiety but again I just learned to live with it. About a month ago I went out with a friend as a joke we ate some hash out of character for me as weed prettifies me as I’ve seen people get mentally Ill from it my friend told me it wouldn’t do anything anyways 9 hours later after sleeping I woke up and felt very weird straight away I started to panic I felt like I was dying or going crazy my whole reality altered and I was so angry because I stay away from drugs as my dad has a serious mental illness and it’s a big fear of mine that I will be like him I thought I had ruined it for myself. 5 hours later I came out of the panic zone and felt very out of it and anxious, since then I have felt on and off anxious and very sad crying and grieving over my gran it’s like as if it’s brought it out anyways I went to see a friend that lives far away as soon as I was 3 hours from home the anxiety feel felt unbareable like emotionally painful the whole time I panicked once I got on the train home I came home and felt fine. I took the week off work cause I felt super sad and depressed and anxious and not the usual it was this intense anxiety in my stomach. I then went into my city with a friend and just had this hyper awareness thought that I was just existing it’s really hard to explain but the fact we are existing in a ball in the middle of space and it made me panic I didn’t feel safe I felt like I was either going crazy or I was going to blow up. Since then I have had constant panic attacks and I mean constant I’m so scared it’s so intense and unbarebale my thoughts start to race I then think of my gran and the fact she isn’t here anymore and it makes it worse. The feeling I get once I’ve calmed down is awful it really feels like I’m going crazy or will die, I keep crying because I didn’t want to have to ever go through this again. My doctor gave me propanolol which I haven’t taken due to health anxiety. It feels like there’s nothing to help me I have no comfort zone at all even being on my phone isn’t helping.

[Danzdanz123]

just to add before these panics came on I literally was going through so much stress, family aruguments fights I witnessed my mum get hurt by a family member, my mum then also fell ill randomly in a car park in front of me it was all signs of a heart attack and she’s now on heart medication luckily was not a heart attack but build up of plaque on her heart. There has been constant family arguments that get me super upset and stressed out. Not to mention when this was all happening I got moved departments at work so had to commute 2 hours there and 2 hours back 5 days a week for 5 weeks (usually work from home) there’s just so much that keeps happening and all I want to do is either sit with my gran or phone her cause even if I still felt bad it would be okay because she was there.

[lynstone60 in reply to Danzdanz123]

hi..I have been on propranolol for just over 2 years ,40mg a day at night ,please try them they will help you ..I have bad health anxiety since i was 9,have emetaphobia {fear of being sick}you name it i have it but propranolol really help me along with 40mg prozac a day,forgot to mention i Have a heart phobia aswell ,watched my dad have 3 heart attacks . so taking meds really mess with me ,i would not be without my propranolol they slow my heart rate down and also keep my blood pressure down ,they really are a good pill to take for anxiety.hope this helps ,im in the uk by the way.take care and good luck .

[Danzdanz123 in reply to lynstone60]

I had the same phobia of sick still do but it’s not as bad now I have the other phobias. So scared that I’m just going to be in this constant loop of having them and not going back to normal, do you just take the propanolol once a day?

[lynstone60 in reply to Danzdanz123]

hi. i also take 40mg prozac

[bibs1975]

I’m on 160mg propranolol & have had zero problems..before I took them I seen all the negative reviews..none of it happened

I’ve been on them years and I wouldn’t miss a day taking them ..hope that helps a bit

[Liz1806 in reply to bibs1975]

I like propananol. It calms a racing heart down and makes you feel normal again. Why not give it a go?

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Liz1806]

It’s the intense feeling I have all over my body did you have this too and did the propanolol help it?

[Liz1806 in reply to Danzdanz123]

yes I did and it calmed me down

[Danzdanz123 in reply to bibs1975]

I had a bad reaction to sertraline once and I think that’s why I have a fear of taking anything. Thank you this is reassuring I might try taking one.

[chevalier4444]

Hey dude, sounds like you're having a rough time. Not sure how much help I can be but you're not alone and if you ever need to talk to someone just shoot me a message and I'm down to listen to anything. I know you've gone through a lot but I'm sure if your grandma were here she'd want to see you thriving. I'm sure that will take some time though, and hopefully you can start to get some more of the help and support you need. I hope that's not out of line to say. These hard times really can bring us down, but you're not alone. I promise you're not alone.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to chevalier4444]

thank you! That’s so kind, it really can make you feel alone in your own world especially experience the panic everyday, i want to thrive and be normal it just feels like everything is so much pressure and the world is overwhelming. I’ll drop you a message! X

[grab0001]

I want to say, im so sorry about you losing your grandma. It sounds like you are having moments of derealization (feeling like reality isnt real and that you are going crazy) I experience it often and you are not alone it can definatley be very scary to go through. Ill go through "episodes" where im bed ridden for like 2 months because i get stuck in the exact cycle you are saying now and then eventually it stops. Its a roller coaster that you gotta ride out. One of the best things that I find helpful is to find something that grounds you. For me its just sitting on the shower floor and letting the warm water hit my face. I also have certain songs that help to bring me out of those moments evenif its just for a few seconds. It is only temporary but I promise you aren't going crazy!

[Danzdanz123 in reply to grab0001]

hi sorry only just seen this thank you it puts me at ease knowing I’m not alone at the moment scolding through tik tok relaxes me but I know it’s not good for the long run, it’s such a scary experience I think personally it’s worse than the panic attacks and anxiety i use to have panic attacks and continue with life now it’s like a horrible lingering feeling and my brains trying to tell me I’m going to hallucinate it’s crazy how bad and weird it can make you feel, thanks for sharing trying to watch a movie to relax but not fully relaxed yet x