Need advice

[Poodlefanforlife]

I have not told my in laws about my dad being an alcoholic. This past weekend they were invited to a wedding of my in-laws daughter. My dad was looking at the ground the whole ceremony (looking like he was going to pass out). Couldn’t eat, and told my mom he needed to go during dinner.

I was really worried and expressed that to my mother in law. I have to meet with her tomorrow to tell her my dads alcoholism.

I’ll get emotional and I don’t want give out too much details like a therapy session. What’s your advice

[kenster1]

hi is your dad receiving any help with his issues has he accepted he has a problem.you could tell the in-laws if you want and feel comfortable with it doubt they would judge you but tricky if your dad hasn`t sought support.

[Poodlefanforlife in reply to kenster1]

Dad does not want to get help. You cannot help people who don’t want the help themselves.He will not see a doctor or go into any sort of treatment.

[Rosepetal60]

I’m curious to know why you feel the need to explain your Dad is an Alcoholic. Couldn’t you just say your Dad wasn’t well that day. ( which is true) And maybe put off telling them until a later date when you feel you know them better. Just thinking this as I feel you might be putting more pressure on yourself. What does your Husband think about it? Does he feel his Mum & Dad would understand.

[Poodlefanforlife in reply to Rosepetal60]

I know my in-laws very well. Now that we’re married they’re going to start to include my parents in family events. They don’t know that it puts a lot of pressure and anxiety on me never knowing how my dad will show up. It’s best he’s just not invited. I feel like I need to be open about it so I don’t have to keep hiding it.I just don’t talk about it a lot and usually just sob about it when I do. I’m afraid I’m going to end up saying more than I want to as If I’m in a therapy session.

[Rosepetal60 in reply to Poodlefanforlife]

Thank you, I understand a bit better now about the situation.In that case if it was me, I’d practice my small speech. First by writing it down several times ( this would be me) before I get it right. Then my brain and I would know exactly what I’d be saying and no more. But be ready for a response and have a couple of noncommittal answers at the ready.

Best wishes

[Poodlefanforlife in reply to Rosepetal60]

Thank you

[Ryanlion]

Hi, remember its not your fault your dads an alcoholic. My late father was. I would feel ashamed of him & hide it from others. However, today society understand more about addiction being an illness. Its possible your in-laws may have guessed anyway. I know it is sad for you but you can make light of it and say something like , i love my Dad but hes an alcoholic. Its a terrible addiction but you can use the 3 Cs. I didnt cause it, i cant control it and i cant cure it. Have you heard of Al Anon, it is a 12 step program that helps relatives and friends of alcoholics. I attended for many years and you meet the most wonderful people who are in the same boat. Enjoy your relationship with your husband and in laws. Dad will one day be ready to deal with his addiction hopefully. All the best from a fellow traveller.

[Richy_G]

Hi,It sounds like your Dad doesn’t want help right now but that you need it most.

Do you have support groups for families of problem drinkers near you like Al- anon etc?

I am a recovering alcoholic myself of 18 years so there is always hope for your Dad when he becomes ready to accept help.

There is a lot less stigma around alcohol problems now so you might be surprised and find your in- laws very understanding.

I am sending you and your Dad all the love I have from the UK x