Lost

[Bella-boo]

I live with my parents, always have done. We are very close, they are my best friends. 3 months ago, my life started to fall apart. My dad got diagnosed with liver cancer caused by Hemochromatosis. We have fought so hard but the cancer took over and he was too weak to be able to have any form of treatment. Watching him deteriorate rapidly at home and not being able to do anything about it was absolute torchure. Me and my mum tried our hardest to make him as comfortable as possible. On 21st April we got told he only had 2 weeks to live, my world came crashing down on me. I felt my soul leave my body and it was as if I was watching what was happening from the outside. The next 12 days were unbearable. My dad sadly passed away on May 3rd with us by his side. He was only 63. I've never experienced anything so soul destroying in my life. I can't get the images out of my mind and I'm struggling so much without him. I have 3 brothers, but being the only girl, I always need my dad and he always protected me. I feel so lost without him, I'm terrified. My anxiety levels are uncontrollable right now. A week today I have his funeral, the thought of saying goodbye breaks my heart even more. I just don't know what to do.

[Agora1]

Bella-boo, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. It brings back the memories of when I so tragically lost my father in a home accident. I too was there at the time and it was earth shattering.

Somehow I was able to pull all the strength inside me to get through the wake and the funeral. After that I sought grief counseling which helped me immensely. The loss and pain were there for a long time as we all need to grieve. However in time, the pain seems to subside some but never the memories of missing a father.

I hope you get through this the best you can. My thoughts are with you xx

[DizzyHead1]

Hi Bella-boo,

So sorry to hear about your father, take comfort that he’s not in pain anymore. I know you’re hurting right now and it’s going to take time but my advice is stay close to those that knew him and celebrate his life. Also, look to your brothers, no doubt each of them (as difficult as it might seem) will have picked up some of his characteristics and I’m sure you’ll end up seeing a lot of your dad in them, as you will in yourself. You guys are his legacy and greatest achievements, so don’t be disheartened but instead celebrate. He wouldn’t want you moping about

[battepa]

Hi Bella, You describe a situation very similar to what I went through when my brother passed away from pancreatic cancer. I too am the only girl and oldest child with 3 brothers. We were very close, talked to each other maybe 2-3 times a day by phone as he lived in another state. He stayed with me during his treatment and hospice care. I thought I would never get over the immense hurt and pain I felt when he died. But I did! It took grief counseling and time before I could even talk about him without breaking down. It is OK for you to feel the way you are now. So, go ahead and cry if you want to, just be assured that you won't always feel the way you are feeling now. The grieving process takes time and you must go through it. I still miss my brother so much but I can look at his picture or think about him now with fond memories. You will be OK, I know.