What brings you peace?: Hmmm 🤔 thinking of... - Anxiety Support

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What brings you peace?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

Hmmm 🤔 thinking of God and trusting there is a peaceful place after this difficult one. (I don’t always believe but I’m trying because everything is better when I do.)

11 Replies

God is what gives me peace. The more I focus on him and not my circumstances or what is going on in the world, the more at peace I feel. There are so many verses in the bible that can bring us peace (bit.ly/32tl2Ow). I have memorized each of these verses to help me when I am struggling. I also read the Footprints in the Sand poem (bit.ly/3lgQyXl) to remind me I am never alone through this journey of life. God Bless

What is bringing me peace right now is thinking about the people in my corner. It’s good to know you are cared for.

My belief, Starrlight, is to explore the gazillion beliefs systems available to human beings. Can be traditional. Can be alternative. For me, it must be a consistent, continual, penetrative search for meaning...for purpose. I believe there is purpose in everything. There is purpose is sheer delight. There is purpose in suffering. There is purpose as we gaze into a new-born's eyes...the soul comes flowing through...well, let me be specific since I've never actually seen a new-born baby...more like a 12 hour old baby. It must be different, I'd imagine.

There's purpose in being with...I am referring to really, really being with a human being who has been medically (thus physically/emotionally/psychologically) suffering until death. I've had many of these experiences with children, adolescents, young adults and the elderly. I was Hospice-trained as a young adult.

I don't think very often about life after death, however, my sister has made this a study, one of the most important purposes of her life. I'm sure this is a multi-complex array of reactions to her 42 year old daughter's suicide. Her daughter hanged (I thought it was "hung" but learned it's 'hanged') herself in her home with her three children in the house. Of course, they discovered their mother the following morning. The oldest son told me that he felt that he "had to cut her down". The ensuing hours were extraordinarily gory. My sister and I arrived at the house very shortly after this occurred as the oldest son immediately called us.

My sister fell to the ground, begging and begging the police officers to "Please revive my daughter!!!!!" An ambulance arrived so that my sister and I had a place to wait until the police finished their investigation with the three children. This literally took hours. My sister sat in the ambulance. She, of course, was in complete shock. I was in the ambulance with her on and off for hours. When I left the ambulance I remember sitting on the ground and screaming...I was just screaming...I was screaming for someone to please help me. Police officers came over to me and told me that if I did not immediately control myself they would put me (cuffed, I guess) in the back of the police car. I was 'disturbing the peace'. Oh??? What 'peace'.

I told the kind officers that I, under no conditions, wanted my sister to watch as her daughter's was brought out of the house in a body bag. They understood. I was told when this was going to happen and quickly, but so gently, put my arms around my sister and told her it was time for us to go home. She was pathetically compliant.

She has two other daughters. One called and screamed at my sister in a language that was ungodly. She accused my sister of not doing all that she could have done to stop the suicide..."I would have chained my daughter to my waste!!!!" The tyrant continued for a very long time until I grabbed the phone, as my sister was beyond hysterical, and simply, quietly said, "Enough." I hung up the phone. That was the oldest daughter. There was a ten year silence. The middle daughter, who I helped raise, did not call her mother for over two years. I cannot remember where or what was happening with my sister's son who lived in Florida.

One cousin came over to Jersey from south Philly for a short amount of time that day.

And then there was silence. Rarely a phone call, only from one cousin who is close with my sister. I would answer the phone. She always said the same thing: "I don't know how you do it."

I took care of my sister in every possible way for the following three and a half years. At my sister's request, I slept in the living room on the love-seat during those years. We had two love seats, no couch. She could see me from her bedroom. She could not see me if I was in my bedroom.

I took her to her primary care physician the morning following the suicide. He was extremely caring, very compassionate. He was also my sister's daughter's PCP. It going to be 11 years the end of February. He has stuck by my sister throughout it all, including her back surgery and now he is treating her COPD.

My parents took my sister in shortly after her mother died from Leukemia when my sister was just turning 12.

My best friend lived next store to who I call my sister. My parents did not have sufficient funds to legally adopt her. I spent every weekend with best friend Vickie and her year older sister, Marlene. There was a school nearby with a huge school yard. We all played there. We played this type of game with a ball that you threw up into the air and as it descended the object was to hit it with the lowest part of your hand near your wrist as hard as possible and as far as possible. Similar to softball (although it was a hardball), you then ran around the three bases. Just like a baseball game. I was especially athletic. I was also so strong it was unreal (that was from learning and daily practicing golf). And so, I usually hit home runs. Interestingly, my sister is also very athletic, in a different way than I am, and she did very well at this particular game. Thank goodness, for some reason, the other kids didn't seem to mind that we were on the same team...crazy!

My sister was a fantastic gymnast, climbing the ropes, darting over the horse, walking with agility on the high beam. Me? I was what I call 'grounded'. I couldn't do any of those activities!!!! Even HATED to do somersaults.

Starrlight, I have no idea as to why I just sat down and wrote all of this to you.

There's so, so, so much more to this long, long story. For another time.

I'm so glad you're exploring your relationship with God. I believe this is one important aspect of self-actualization. If you are finding that everything is better when you do believe, you are mostly likely on the right track.

So very sorry for this oh so long, and probably tangential, boring reply. It's what came out of me.

Wishes...that you will have a peaceful week...nothing negative will be in your way.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to sophie4

Thank you for sharing some of your story with me, Sophie. ((((((((((((((Gentle hug))))))))))))) I like hearing about you. Blessings to you today. ❤️

sophie4 profile image
sophie4 in reply to Starrlight

Oh my...didn't mean to go on and on and on...boring. My apology to you and others.

My sister was taken off her meds and has been experiencing beyond agony. Last night was the very worse I've ever seen her.

There's too much going on medically with both of us.

Please forgive me, Starrlight and any other s who read all of that boring mess.

sophie4 profile image
sophie4 in reply to Starrlight

Many, many blessing to you today, as well!

Doubting is part of believing. How would you know you believed if you didn't doubt? Life and faith are paradoxes. I find it difficult to turn to God, especially when I have great anxiety but when I do I am glad I did.

My much loved husband died a horrific death and when people asked me if I had lost my faith I surprised even myself by saying no because we were given the strength to endure from somewhere.

People in ancient time knew this too. Psalm 91 v4, written all those years ago says God will cover us with his wings.

I have faith and trust, Lord, help my lack of faith and trust.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to GJRWS

I love how you ask God for faith and trust. I am constantly asking for guidance in everything

I’m sorry for your loss ❤️

GJRWS profile image
GJRWS in reply to Starrlight

Me too, I'm battling with whether or not to move house at the moment. Be persistent in prayer, remember the story Jesus told in Luke 18.

I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. ( and yes I have doubts..strange isn't it)

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to GJRWS

Thanks for the thought provoking reply 😊

Coolglenninindy

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