I’ll never be able to do this

[anon99]

I am just having a horrible time.. I showered, got dressed, and put makeup on to get ready to go to the store and I just can not get bring myself to go. I am scared. What if something goes wrong? I don’t want to die. Why do I feel like I’m going to die. My eyelashes are ruined because I keep tearing up.. I hate myself and I just want to be normal again but my body feels so anxious. It’s like I can’t feel my limbs they’re just gone. All I have are my thoughts. I feel chained to my bedroom. I only feel safe under the blankets.

[DVISION]

Hi Anon99, this might sound like a silly question or you probably have mentioned it before on here but have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy?

David

[anon99 in reply to DVISION]

No I haven’t. I don’t have money for stuff like this. 😕 Is there an online thing I can try for a cheap price?

[DVISION in reply to anon99]

You can try:

nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-...

mentalhealth.gov/

[anon99 in reply to DVISION]

I will look, ty ❤️

[DVISION in reply to anon99]

You’re welcome 😊

[Agora1]

Never say never...it puts the doubt in your mind before you even try.

You're right in that you are allowing your thoughts to take over your

actions. Did you make it out? xx

[anon99 in reply to Agora1]

Yes I did. I went to two different stores.. I was walking in the last store and my heart started thumping in my chest and my whole body was so hot it was like I was on fire. I felt like I was stuck in a hot room with no windows or air I began to sweat. I had a split second of “oh crap I’m gonna die I gotta go🏃🏻‍♀️“ but then I was like no just breathe it’s fine. I’m home now. 🥳

I keep having to remind myself my leg ultrasound came back negative and it’s just a pinched nerve. I’m hoping my iron pills will help with the tachycardia and palpitations.

[Agora1 in reply to anon99]

You did it..You reversed your negative thinking to a positive one.

Breathe... breathing has such a powerful effect on our nervous system

and can calm the emotions in moments if practiced daily at home. It's

got to be to the point where you don't even have to think twice about it.

How do you feel now. A sense of accomplishment maybe? Anytime you

can follow through on something that you are afraid of, you have won. xx

[Marshall64]

What about trying to go to a small convenience store where there are less people? Are at least maybe drive to the parking lot of the store and see how you feel?

[anon99 in reply to Marshall64]

I needed groceries so I had to go to Walmart. 😕 But I have driven to the parking lot and backed out at least once Because I was too anxious. I never use to be afraid of leaving the house but now it seems to be scary everytime I leave or think about leaving.

[Marshall64 in reply to anon99]

The grocery store near me offers a delivery service. Granted, there is a fee and tip but is another option. I have used it when having anxiety or was lazy....

[Hidden]

I know exactly how you feel. I have been going through this myself. Walmart is the hardest. I’ve started off with small stores like dollar generals and Walgreens. I order from Walmart and pick up until I’m ready for that again. I will shake the whole way there and I’ll swear I can’t breathe.... I worry I’ll pass out, I feel

Like I’m in a dream and that if somebody tries to talk to me that I’ll just stare blank because I can’t get the words out.... it’s all a nightmare. Just remember celebrate the small Victories and do not be hard on Yourself For what you couldn’t handle.... that’s always my set back not being able to say hey you went in the store I just get so upset That I can’t hurry up and get back to the life I had before this! I use to could go anywhere so care free now EVERYTHING is a challenge and that’s hard when you miss who you use to be! I feel

For you but it sounds like you are driven and that you really want to get better and if you have that in you.... you will start seeing improvements!

[Sasical]

Never say never, because it's not true. You did it! I was housebound for months at one time. Now I go everywhere and do everything. It takes work but if you are prepared to do it then it can be done. BUT you do have to be prepared to work at it.

I would recommend you start by reading Claire Weekes and get her audio books onto your phone and then once you have read her advice take it from there, building your confidence gradually. I couldn't leave my house for months, sometimes not even my room. I have now travelled all over Europe. If I can do it, so can anyone x

[anon99 in reply to Sasical]

Wow ty 😊 I’m happy for you it must feel so good to have accomplished this. I can’t wait to be a better me

[scotsrish in reply to anon99]

You can conquer this anon. My agoraphobia was making me a suicidal prisoner , everytime i went to a bank or store or anything public the panic and fear took over , most of the time i would just bolt to my car and cry. Shaking, red faced, sweating, legs and arms like jello, felt everyone was staring at me, heart racing and thumping in my chest, felt like i was going to die or pass out. I started to realize that i had to challenge the WHAT IF'S.... the what if i shake, sweat, go red faced, plus feeling fearful and smothered by strangers etc. I challenged this through every reaction or possible reaction with a "so what" facing the worst that can happen such as die on the spot with strength and acceptance. I could not let fear destroy my life without a fight. I fought, held my ground and won. You would never know this by who i am now.

[anon99 in reply to scotsrish]

🥺❤️ Thankyou. I can’t believe so many relate to exactly what I’m going through to a T.. I appreciate your comment and I am proud of you.

[Want2BHappy3]

I have a niece who’s like that. Do you not have anyone who can go with You? That might Help? Sounds like you could use counseling? 🙏

[Smd22]

Hello anon99. I know exactly what you are feeling and going through. It wasn't long ago when I felt the exact same way. One day I was fine and the next day, out of nowhere I had severe anxiety. My whole body felt like it was convulsing. I tried to go out, but once I got in the car, I would just start crying. I sought the help of a Mental Health Professional, and after about 6 weeks, I felt normal. I am not saying you will have to go through this for that length of time. I just had to find the right medicine and dosage that worked for me. I hope and pray that you get relief soon.

[anon99 in reply to Smd22]

ty ❤️

[Donkey657]

You are doing so well, getting showered and ready despite the most horrible feelings overwhelming you. I believe that most people, under the same circumstances, may not have managed to do as much as you've done. Actually driving to the Walmart store was a triumph in itself, so feel proud of your success here. You are as incapacitated as a person with a major physical illness, and if you can please settle back in your bed and reward yourself with a bit of praise for your marvellous efforts. Those of us who go through this sort of thing know just how immobilising and debilitating this thing is, and by the way, my reference to 'physical' illness isn't quite right, as what we suffer is also a physical, biological thing - we would not suffer from it if whatever chemical disturbance we endure was not malfunctioning. Everything that happens in our body is a 'physical' thing one way or another.

Are you getting the medical help you so need during this deeply distressing episode of the illness?

Love and enormous respect to you, Dave. UK.

[Zippy09]

Hi anon99 if you have a word with your Doctor of how bad you feel they will put you in touch with a counsellor which will be through the NHS so you won’t have to pay anything as they will be free sessions.

It will really help you to open up and talk to get to the root of your anxieties. I do hope you will give it a try and I wish you the best of luck!!

[anon99 in reply to Zippy09]

I’m not in UK.

[Zippy09]

Sorry anon99 I didn’t look properly and only read your post. I apologise, but I do hope you can get some help somewhere. It’s good to talk on this site and obviously hope you find other useful resources. I wish you all the very best.

[anon99 in reply to Zippy09]

No worries, ty.

[clovergreen]

Hi anon99,Please try to even get into the car, and drive alittle bit.Take "Baby Steps".Your thoughts are "Scaring You",and "You" even though it may not seem like it "Control your own thoughts". Can you repeat to yourself positive thoughts either outloud, or inside your head? Do you have a CD player inside your car? You can even turn on the radio and distract yourself by repeating in your head what is said on the radio to distract yourself.Even if you don't make it to the store right now going a short distance is worth a try.You are "Worth it" don't allow your mind and feelings to "Control You!" Stand up for yourself.Sure it is really hard and scary.If it wasn't you could just do it without these feelings.Best of luck.Let me know how it goes! I will pray for you to just be able to atleast drive a block or two."You can do it!"

[steadfast66]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. These feelings are to be acknowledged. Please see a good therapist who believes in "talk" in opposed to medication. However, if medication is needed and works for you, it's okay. Much of what we fear will never happen. Please try praying and reading the scripture. You are not alone. For years I suffered with depersonalization and derealization. Feeling not "there" or detached from parts of my body, etc. That was because I was letting my thoughts consume me and not the reality or I was not dealing with reality in a non-threatening way. I am much better now and focus on other things other than my body, people, situations I can not control. Praying for you Anon99.

[anon99 in reply to steadfast66]

Ty for your reply xx I will do what I can by trying to get a therapist.

[Agora1 in reply to anon99]

Hi anon, many people supporting you, know that you are loved x

How is Saturday going? Any highlight to look forward to today?

I'm watching over you xx

[anon99 in reply to Agora1]

🥺🥺 I am amazed at all the support. A great feeling of comfort today..

Anxious feelings hit me probably twenty minutes ago so I’m just trying not to overthink and breathe correctly. This pinched nerve really throws me into a spiral.

It’s 105 degrees here today so not much really going on, just trying to stay cool while I watch 📺 . I may go put fresh water in the pups pool so she can get some play time in but it’s truly miserable out. 😖 How are you? x

[Agora1 in reply to anon99]

I'm doing good anon...it is hot but no where near 105...

Heat certainly doesn't help anxiety..Sounds like a good

idea to fill the pool and watch your pup play. My dog use

to take a running start and jump into the pool lol I got

cooled off as well. xx

[Audiomarc1]

Yes!!!!! I have a friend pick me up and take me out. I have agoraphobia and it helps quell this debilitating horror. I'm safe with my friend. I started baby steps. And while it's a difficult problem, I start by just sitting in my car. Imagine my friend with me and drive out the driveway and back in. Little by little I safely go a little further when I feel confident. Remember, safety first. Let me know if it works. Lotsa luck.

[Ddorne]

Where are you living? It might be fear of the virus or the state of the country. I feel very anxious today too.

[anon99 in reply to Ddorne]

Hi, the virus doesn’t bother me much. Nor does the protests/riots. Mines more health anxiety. 😳 I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious today. I hope you get some relief soon.