Scared and feeling out of control

[Cs131193]

Hello all! I hope you’re all ok!

I’m really struggling recently. My partner and I had a miscarriage in March this year and we cried for a few days but then life had to carry on as normal and we got back to living our lives as usual. However, 4/5 weeks ago, I came home from work and just broke down in tears out of nowhere and was crying for 3 days. Since then I’ve had horrible thoughts in my mind about wether or not I love my partner, the thoughts have been so bad that I almost walked out on him twice. I just feel emotionally numb and unable to feel anything toward him, I don’t feel love, I don’t feel attraction but thoughts of not loving him and being without him are making me physically sick. I don’t enjoy anything I do anymore but my main worry is these intrusive thoughts about my love for him. Sometimes I have moments of clarity but even then I can get those thoughts creep in and then that’s when the urge to leave comes in. I’ve been put on antidepressants to help me cope which I have only been on for one day but I’m terrified that I’m going to end up losing my partner one way or another. We’ve been together for nearly 9 years with a 3 week break at 5. I don’t get excited when I think about our future anymore but in my head my future only exists with him in it. I just want to feel the love for him again and look at him the same way. I don’t know if this is grief, depression or both because I know that I don’t want to be without him.

X

[sweetiepye]

I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine you are feeling grief very intensely along with some anger directed toward your partner. Our society ignores the feelings of women in regards to miscarriage. You are expected to get on with it after a short period. I think these things are always with us although not as intensely as at first. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Don't keep these feelings in, they are probably not your true feelings in any case. Anti- depressants can take several weeks before the take affect so give yourself some time. I'm not a doctor, but as a woman who has experienced this, I think what you'

re feeling is normal. You will gradually be able to accept it. Consider also that your hormones are probably out of whack. Take good care of yourself and allow yourself some leeway . Pam

[Cs131193 in reply to sweetiepye]

Hello Pam and thank you for your reply!

You will not believe how much comfort reading this has bought me, knowing that someone else has experienced this and can give me some much needed relief. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too.

Thank you!

Chloe.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am so sorry about your miscarriage and I think this is about grief. You need to grieve for your lost little one and the anxiety and depression is telling you this. This is a very traumatic event so allow yourself the space and time to grieve.

Can you take some time off work? How about a holiday? With or without your partner. x

[Cs131193 in reply to hypercat54]

Hello hypercat54! Thank you for your response.

I think it’s hard to know how to grieve but I’ll figure out the right thing for me eventually. I’ve got time off of work at the moment as I work in a school and it’s their summer break. We haven’t got the finances for a holiday at the moment but we’re going to try and look for a few days away next month to try and spend some quality time together. X

[hypercat54 in reply to Cs131193]

Good. Don't forget it takes time to grieve properly and there are no short cuts. x

[Cs131193 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you hypercat54 🙂 I’ll bare that in mind x