Today

[Laniben]

After this morning and how I felt, I decided to take myself to the shops on a bus on my own. I was doing ok bought a few things and came home, had a chat with my neighbour then made myself dinner and decided to go for another walk the opposite way to some local shops I dont visit very often, although it was only 2 bus stops away I came back on the bus, felt a little panicky when I got off the bus but it was quite full. and still a little bit now but I’m trying to ignore it. It’s that feeling in the chest, it’s tight and then adrenaline rushes through it giving that fear feeling. I’m indoors again. I do hate coming back indoors, sometimes feels like when I open the door and go in it’s all waiting for me. I know that sounds stupid, but it’s probably because there’s no one here whereas outside I can distract myself more. so I sit here and think right, now what? I’ve never been an indoor person, always out during the day then at home during the evening. Weird how things affect us and how the changes can be a struggle just doing the normal everyday things. it wears you out to doesn’t it just trying to have normality in your life almost as if doing all the things you used to do every day is new to you when it’s not. I hope everyone’s been ok today.

... a day at a time ❤️

[Kkimm]

Hi Sam.

Sounds like you did really well.

I know what you mean about the house. Even though I was not alone I did not feel safe in it.

To help myself feel better about it I used to chant over and over again under my breath, "car safe, boat safe, house safe" Sounds really silly now but I think I did it to distract myself. But funnily enough it also gradually made the house feel safer just by repeating that it was. I already felt the car was safe, I was just at ease in my car even on my own, probably because driving distracted me. The boat, which we own also started to feel safe because it became associated with good times when we were both happy and I would swim from the boat which could always take my anxiety away even though it was very scary when I first started to sail again after getting anxiety.

My home does feel great again now. I am sure you will get to that place too.

I have had a great a few days as I have been to Oxford with my daughter. It is such a beautiful city. Took loads of photos ofcourse.

Kim

[Laniben in reply to Kkimm]

Hi Kim

Yes I know what you mean about it sounding silly, maybe i should try that indoors. Im glad youve had a great time with your daughter, i went to Oxford many years ago now my brother was in the RAF there at the time. I mutter under my breath when ive gone out luckily noone notices 🙄but most of the time I listen to things ive downloaded on my phone and use my earphones, unless ive gone with someone as i did the other day with my neighbour because we chatted on the bus, all round the shops and on the way home again.

Sam x

[Kkimm in reply to Laniben]

So glad you get it Sam!