What is acceptance

[jmf3483]

I keep hearing the key to clearing anxiety is acceptance but what does that mean?

What does acceptance look like when you’re in an anxiety spiral? How do you continue acceptance?

[Jeff1943]

Acceptance is the opposite of fighting. Fighting causes more strain and tension, the last thing your nervous system needs more of. Acceptance means surrendering completely to the anxiety spiral, or any other symptom of anxiety. Anxiety means being willing to co-exist with the symptoms for the time being.

Say to yourself: 'I'm having a panic attack, so what? It's not nice but it's not going to kill me or last for ever. It's just a glitch in my nervous system, so who cares? I'm not going to let it frighten me half to death. That way I will recover because I'm not pumping out more and more stress and fear hormones that keep me this way. I will just let evety muscle in my body go limp. And I'll imagine there's a muscle in my head and let that go limp too.

'So come on anxiety, do your worst, you won't break me because I know you're just a blip in my nerves. Why should I be scared of a blip?

'In fact anxiety, I'm not going to stress and obsess over you any more! So you can f**k off any time you like!'

And you know what, anxiety hates being neglected. So once we neglect to pay too much attention to anxiety, it ups and goes away. Good riddance!

[jmf3483 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank Jeff1943 . My question is more how do I "accept" and sit with the anxiety without letting it spiral out of control. Once I feel it coming on I try to breathe and distract myself so I wont go down the rabbit hole of "what ifs". I find that if I feel it coming on and can acknowlege that but then try and not let it progress it works much better than letting myself completely breakdown and succumb to the anxiety. Am I missing the point?

[LuthienRB in reply to jmf3483]

I actually wonder about this a lot too, but maybe I just don’t get the point. People talk about giving in to what I’m feeling but at the same time “don’t pay too much attention to it, don’t feed it and it’ll eventually decrease”. Aren’t these two things contradictory?

[Jeff1943 in reply to LuthienRB]

I don't see that they are contradictory, you can decide to accept something but then whilst acknowledging the existance of the symptoms get on with your day and not obsess about the symptoms or strange feelings.

[Jeff1943 in reply to jmf3483]

By trying to not let it progress you are fighting it and not accepting it. If you fight it you cannot win because you are just producing more bad hormones that keep your nerves sensitised and so your anxiety goes on and on.

I like your use of the word 'succumb', yes that's exactly what you must do: succumb to it.

Have you ever 'completely' broken down? I doubt if you have. That is fear whispering in your ear. Don't listen to it.

For acceptance to work it must be utter acceptance, come what may you must accept it (for the time being).

Acceptance is doing the complete opposite of what instinct tells us to do and what the 'normal' response and reaction is.

You are holding back from acceptance because you fear feeling more fear.

My answer to all the questions is the same: Accept even this and you will recover.

Btw, I am not professionally qualified in psychiatry or therapy in any way. I just advocate the method first devised by Doctor Claire Weekes back in the 1960s. An antiquated form of therapy? No - it has withstood the test of time.

[LuthienRB in reply to Jeff1943]

That makes sense. So, let’s say I have a negative thought pop out of nowhere, a bad memory or an impulse. I try to rationalize it while still going on with my day (it works sometimes but not every day).

But for example, one hurtful thing that I do to myself is that I check on people who hurt me (online, social media). People I dislike and I shouldn’t even think about, yet for some reason I’m curious about what they’re up to. In this case, should I succumb and actually check on them or acceptance in this case would be allowing this impulse to show up yet still stopping myself from going online and seeing hurtful stuff?

[Jeff1943 in reply to LuthienRB]

I don't think what you've described is anxiety based. It's the natural reaction to stand up for oneself or teach someone the lesson that they can't mess with you with impunity. This can spill over into revenge (a dish best eaten cold) and holding a grudge. If someone has hurt you online then I would say ridiculing them is quite in order. But this is a moral question not an anxiety disorder issue in my view.

[LuthienRB in reply to Jeff1943]

No, I don’t like revenge. Just a person who hurt me in the past (one time thing, my bf’s ex girlfriend attacked us both at a concert, we took legal action and she left us alone. It’s been almost 8 months).

But I feel like I’m clinging on to this negative event that occurred in the past and checking what she’s up to makes me feel bad. I shouldn’t even care about this person, but now I’m used to the pattern and it triggers bad thoughts over and over.

This is only one example of the many stuff I obsess and get anxious about.

Should I simply try and “stop” myself from looking st things that are not positive for my mental health?

[Jeff1943 in reply to LuthienRB]

Yes I think you are right in your last line, continued negative feelings about this woman will have a negative effect on your mental well being. Don't let her do that to you. Disengage your thoughts about this woman, she is the loser and you are the winner so let that be sufficient pay back for what she did at the concert.

Don't let this become an obsession, put a stop to it now for your sake.

[LuthienRB in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you for that reply, it helps a lot!

[HJMac]

In that book The Dare Response, which is worth reading.. He says to imagine sitting down and having a conversation with your anxiety, engage with it. I find that does help.