Hi everyone,as most of you know I have been suffering with a choking phobia for 6 months,that means when I eat I am afraid of the swallowing for fear that I will choke. Well during these 6 months I have lost 30 pounds,for the past 2 days I have been quiet a bit better at eat without so much fear and have gained 2 pounds. I don't know how to explain it but when I saw those 2 pounds I freaked,something snapped and was like "omg I'm gonna get big again." That was odd for me because yes when I was a teen I had anorexia nervosa,but with help and time I got over that and have my kids. After I had my second baby I got to normal weight that the doctors were comfortable with and I was as well,but my birth control at the time had side affects of weight gain and seeing that I tried everything else my doctor advised I get my tubes tied or stick with it. Needless to say I gained a lot,i ended up getting my tubes tied but before I did that I was depressed and would gorge on junk food to feel better. After I got my tubes tied and with my husbands distaste I converted back to being at vegetarian which I was my whole life before meeting him,a few months later I developed anxiety,panic attacks and GERD. A week after the anxiety started I developed the choking phobia which I had once before,when I started dropping the weight though I freaked out because my first thoughts were"I got so sick and was bones before,I can't do that again." So I have been trying to get the eating straightened out,I still having got the phobia completely gone,I still have a ways to go but its when better these past 2 days. I can't understand what is wrong with me,why do I panic when I see the numbers fly down on the scales because of the fear of getting sick but feel traumatized when I seen those 2 pounds I gained? Does anyone have a answer? Am I just completely mental?