So it just feels like I need to keep my guard up to protect myself from getting hurt emotionally. I feel really sensitive. I feel guilt or shame which lead to the feeling that there is something wrong with me that someone will notice and call me out on.
Realistically I shouldn’t give anyone permission to make me feel badly. It would be their negativity; their wrong.
As an example I am taking my kids to the doctor today and the doctors there can be extremely rude. One doc would not even refil my sons’ rescue inhaler prescriptions (saying it was poison) so now I am seeing the other doc there to get (hopefully) the prescriptions. My youngest son had a severe attack in which he could not breathe barely at all for about 5 minutes and it was super scary so anything to do with the inhalers, breathing, wheezing, coughing etc gives me such bad anxiety that it feel it in my heart.
So I am having a time worrying about this appointment and hoping I won’t have panic attacks because within the last week they have gotten worse and harder to control.
I want to imagine that the appointment will be more pleasant than the horrors I imagine. So I am trying to believe in myself that I can speak up and take care of myself when I need to. I just can’t wait to get it over with and it is still 4 hours away. I wish it was now so I could get it over with.