Sensitive *do not read if you are prone to triggers*

Today is Christmas Day, it was a lovely day apart from the part where my cousin decided to bring up the fact that he touched my bare boob underneath my clothing quite aggressively while drunk where I decided to run off. He is a lovely person don’t get me wrong but it upset me so much that he felt like he could do that and joke about it afterward. I went home and carved the word fat into my thigh, I don’t even know why. It’s funny really because I’m mostly a positive person and this hardly ever happens but when it does it hits me even harder because I’m mostly okay, I just need a little support xx thanks Zee. I’m just worried what my girlfriend will think if she ever sees it because I love her so much I can’t bare to know what she’ll think if she sees it xxxx

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You say he is lovely but sexual assault is not lovely at all! In fact it is a crime! I’m so sorry that happened to you! You did nothing wrong! It is not your fault. Yet he is lovely and you punished yourself because of it. I highly recommend you call a crisis hotline. Your cousin does not sound lovely. He sounds like an incestual rapist. Then to discuss how bad he treated you in front of people only proves how awful he is. Not you! I understand the discomfort you must have felt. That is truly awful. I am very worried that you are cutting yourself due to the actions of a bad person. I’m sorry I am judging your cousin so harshly but the reaction he caused in you tells me he is not very nice. I hope you also clean your leg thoroughly and put antibiotic ointment and a bandage on it. I’m not sure how deep it is but I unfortunately don’t see how you can keep it from her aside from a skin graft. I suggest possibly going to the hospital to make sure it is appropriately cleaned and cared for which can help minimize scarring. I know it’s too late now but for the future I recommend talking to your doctor and possibly going to a therapist to help develop coping skills, recognize triggers and develop relaxation techniques. Again I’m sorry that happened to you. It was NOT your fault. Whether someone drinks or not sexual assault is not okay. In the US several famous people are now losing their careers and even being convicted of sexual assault and harassment. If you choose to drink that does not excuse your actions.

As far as your girlfriend I suggest you discuss with her your past and be honest. You could go to the ER and see if they can help with scarring. I think if she truly loves you she will be supportive and caring. It sounds like you could use some emotional support. Maybe you could offer to call her before you do something like cutting yourself. Like a sponsor. We all make mistakes. I hope you can find a way to never do that again. Never take permanent actions toward temporary emotions. It is so dangerous. I’m sure you know that as well. Your risk of infection is very high right now! Please get medical assistance. It can also reverse the scarring and permanent damage I’m sure you will regret.

It sure sounds like you have a very beautiful girlfriend. Try to focus on the blessings in your life. The past can not be changed. It’s done. I don’t feel like that is something he would ever do again. If so you need to seek legal action. Hurt him. Not yourself. Legally not physically because that will only hurt you as well too and you DO NOT deserve that!

I’m sorry I ramble. I truly care and I want to make sure I cover things and do not hurt you worse as that is never my intent. I thinking you are hurting enough. I’m here if you need to talk. I personally have not experienced what you are going through but I’ve had plenty of pain in my life and a very compassionate heart. Much love!

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