Ma Humbug

[Janieliza]

As the festive day draws nearer I just want to reassure you all I'll be around should you need a rant in the middle of what can be a hectic and overly anxious day. I myself have the narcissistic mother who now can barely remember my name never mind the atrocities I suffered at her hands as a child. My sister, 100s of miles away with her own family and the words "you wouldn't put her in a home...you have her" ringing in my ears. Isn't this supposed to be about families peeps? Ba Humbug I sing. No I wouldn't put her in a home. Why? Because she holds the title of mother? No. Because she raised me? Definitely no(I was at boarding school from 5 to 18). Because I'm forgiving? YES. when I learned to live with anxiety and depression I also learned to forgive those who perhaps hadn't been so kind. There is a point coming.....i think lol. From those of us who have been pushed aside because friends don't understand. From those of us who wake feeling so alone because we have no-one to turn to...bcas they don't know how to help us. We will be ok. Please say this to yourself. We will be ok. No-one in our personal lives understand but you all have somewhere to come where there's people who feel like you do. I shall now refer to it as the Health unlocked family. So, you aren't on your own...you have your family here that no-one knows about where you can be yourself and you don't have to wear a smile...unless i start telling jokes of course then you MUST smile...i generally don't get the punchline so I don't expect you to either...remember this when reading them and SMILE. my children's faces are a picture and you can almost see the 'poor mum'....hey look I'm only just learning what lol means. I used to think it stood for lots of love. I learned the hard way after putting it to my uncle who had let me know my auntie had died(So my message went as follows) I wasn't close to said family members may i add and was told by text she had died so I replyd by text. I wouldn't usually!

Hi uncle Bri, there are no words I can say to make this time easier for you. Lol. Janie

My cousin immediately text and said the words WTF Janie? ...i was trying to work out what the wtf meant prior to replying.

My son howled...he thought it hilarious(not my auntie passing btw (look btw...clever me!). So I sat down and I can't belieeeeeve I'm admitting this...wrote every one down and learnt them. I use them rarely. They aren't appropriate in my job but it's the only language my son seems to understand. Where was I? Ahhh yes....the festive season and unlocked family. Take some deep breaths if you are seeing ppl and don't forget to write things down(it all worked for me, you obv don't have to do it!). And I send you all oodles of positivity and hugs. Forgive my post..i tend to waffle abit but it's abit of light hearted reading for you all.

Janie xx

Ps.....my children nickname me Ma Humbug aka Scrooge...because I'm really the Grinch with a blonde wig and glasses!!!. Ahhh kids hey?!?!?